Cliff Claven uses darwinism to explain why beer is so good for you.
"Well, you see, Norm, it's like this...
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And
when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the
back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the
herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole
group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest member.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as
the slowest brain cells.
Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But
naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In
this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, Norm, that is why you always feel smarter after a few
beers."
This is a great theory. If I have a glass of beer tonight, I should be able to forget forever a word like "mimeograph." I'm pretty sure I haven't used the brain cell it's on, in many decades, so it should be extremely weak by now.
Now to figure out how to squirt the beer so it only zaps the weak cells and doesn't weaken the strong ones... :)