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How To Be A Good Democrat
| anonymous - from the web
Posted on 03/01/2004 2:30:53 PM PST by mukraker
found on the web...
How to be a good Democrat:
1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese & North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E.Lee, and Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and really a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
21. You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.
TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: democrats; humor
This is not something original, but I got it FWD'd in an email. It's been making the rounds on the net. Feel free to add your own personal favorites.
posted on 03/01/2004 2:30:54 PM PST
You have to believe "It's for the children"
posted on 03/01/2004 2:32:35 PM PST
(<a href="http://http://www.michaelmoore.com/" target="_blank">moral coward)
This was posted weeks ago, and I'm sure weeks before that as well.
Still funny, however.
posted on 03/01/2004 2:33:39 PM PST
(Re-elect Bush; kill terrorists now, fix Medicare later.)
How To Be A Good Democrat
posted on 03/01/2004 2:35:05 PM PST
Except that they continue voting.
22. You believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.
23. You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama bin Laden
24. You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did not
25. You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.
26. You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.
27. You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot Missile.
28. You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.
29. You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons, but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public schools.
30. You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political orientation.
31. You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.
32. You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners (who have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared Koran-approved meals) at Guantanamo Bay, but believe the world should have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.
33. You have found where the right to an abortion is written in the Constitution but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a right to keep and bear arms.
34. You consider Bush to be "Hitler," but not that foreign guy with the mustache who put people into wood chippers.
35. You support campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines and amorous gazes, but never spoke out against President Clinton's physical sexual harassment in the White House.
36. You applauded Jimmy Carter for talking about human rights in foreign policy but opposed George W. Bush for doing something about human rights.
37. You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly enough.
38. You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently labeling President Bush a "gang leader."
39. You believe we could get more truth out of the Pentagon if only Don Rumsfeld were replaced by Baghdad Bob.
40. You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America but don't feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect of Islam.
41. You believe that marriage is restrictive and obsolete for heterosexuals, but freeing and progressive for homosexuals.
42. You are horrified that half the people are below the median income.
43. When it comes to violent crime, you believe in hating the crime but loving the criminal.
44. You believe it is morally wrong to label anything "morally wrong".
45. You believe that home schooling denies children socialization, but proclaim they have no right to access the public schools' sports, band, or drama activities (socialization) because they're not public school students.
46. You believe minorities are intellectually incapable of using punch-card ballots except in counties where the Democrat candidate wins.
47. You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believe it is undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake of electing Gray Davis.
48. You believe U.S. exports of genetically modified foods pose a greater threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's Mugabe.
49. You believe welfare is a fundamental human right and workfare is a human rights violation.
50. You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but becoming one with Mother Nature by merging with the universal consciousness and harmonizing with lunar reverberations will save us.
51. You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment by setting intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh Arabs by draining their wetlands.
52. Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to volunteer recruitment tables on college campuses because of their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
Watching the Democrats, it's clear that power is a narcotic (only remedied by a humble attitude of public service while in office), and the Democrats are suffering from severe withdrawal. The Dems remind me of a heroin addict with the shakes who will do and say absolutely anything to get another fix. They've lost all sense of propriety and dignity. They don't even put up a civil front any more. They're just a sick, pathetic group of junkies who would sell their grandmothers' jewelry for another fix. They are self-absorbed, and self- destructive. They should all be in rehab. I don't think the majority of Americans are so codependent that they'll give these addicts access to the White House in the near future.
posted on 03/01/2004 2:41:02 PM PST
("Well...there you go again.")
You must believe that whatever your neighbor has, he got it by illegal or immoral means, or means that should be declared such AND whatever you have is not enough and your rights are being violated or you'd have more of it.
posted on 03/01/2004 2:44:44 PM PST
You believe it is immoral to put to death a convicted murder, but it is your "right" to have your unborn child ground up, sucked out, and flushed down the drain.
You have to believe that when a person takes a job he becomes his employer's ward for life.
Let's see...some good Democrats...hmmm...I can think of several:
- John F. Kennedy
- Tip O'Niel
- Ron Brown
- Vince Foster
- Lyndon B. Johnson
And the list goes on and on...
posted on 03/01/2004 3:31:07 PM PST
by The Duke
You favor replacing the Party symbol, the donkey, with a lemming.
posted on 03/02/2004 1:24:35 PM PST
You sounds like one of the 'Neanderthals".
posted on 03/02/2004 1:28:30 PM PST
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