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Hip ways to help the Earth (LOL alert)
The Deseret News ^
| 1/4/2004
| Jeffrey Shaffer
Posted on 01/04/2004 9:35:16 PM PST by Utah Girl
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I can't tell if this guy is serious or not. It was in the editorial section of my newspaper so....
1
posted on
01/04/2004 9:35:17 PM PST
by
Utah Girl
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2
posted on
01/04/2004 9:35:42 PM PST
by
Support Free Republic
(Freepers post from sun to sun, but a fundraiser bot's work is never done.)
To: Utah Girl
Now THAT'S funny, UG!
"...a gigantic motor coach that gets 8 miles per gallon..."
I wish I had had one of those. Mine got 4 mpg..........FRegards
3
posted on
01/04/2004 9:42:43 PM PST
by
gonzo
("Harley-Vous Francaise?"---------------------"Would you ride a French motorcycle if you had one?")
To: Utah Girl
Funny! I sure hope he wasn't serious......or he's seriously deranged.
4
posted on
01/04/2004 9:44:29 PM PST
by
bonfire
To: bonfire
Oh, I think he is serious......and a flake.
5
posted on
01/04/2004 9:48:23 PM PST
by
edger
(he)
To: Utah Girl
He is most definitely kidding.
6
posted on
01/04/2004 9:51:01 PM PST
by
GeronL
(The French just can't stop being French.)
To: Utah Girl
He ain't no Dave Barry, but a funny article, nonetheless!
7
posted on
01/04/2004 9:52:17 PM PST
by
Theresawithanh
(The opinions expressed in this post are mine. I did not receive any compensation.)
To: GeronL
Yes, he is definitely kidding, but how much you wanna bet the tree-huggers in Utah will be sleeping in tomorrow? ;)
To: explodingspleen
lol
9
posted on
01/04/2004 10:09:45 PM PST
by
GeronL
(The French just can't stop being French.)
To: Utah Girl
One simple thing people can do to save the environment is crawl everywhere, or at least keep their heads as low as possible. You see, when you breathe out, you exhale carbon dioxide, a greenhouse gas. The higher the elevation of carbon dioxide, the more it contributes to global warming.
The reason is somewhat complicated. Carbon dioxide blocks heat from escaping the atmosphere. Heat is generally propogated through electromagnetic waves. Most electromagnetic waves are reflected back in to space before reaching the earth. The closer carbon dioxide is to the ground, the less likely that it will be able to "trap" any electromagnetic waves.
Imagine if you had deep-sea divers of varying abilities. Some could dive just a few feet, others a hundred feet, and vary few could make it to the bottom of the ocean. Imagine objects were placed at various depths in the water. The objects were designed so they would move away as the divers go down, but bump into the divers as they came up. Many divers might bump into objects at the top of the ocean, but few divers would hit objects at the bottom of the ocean, simply because few divers would get that far.
If you imagine electromagnetic waves as the divers and carbon dioxide as the suspended objects, you would understand the importance of keeping your head as low as possible when walking outside. Simply put, lowered greenhouse gases have less of a warming effect. (This phenomenon also explains why the roofs of greenhouses tend to be significantly higher than the highest plant being stored.)
(The above is total b.s. of course, but if anyone likes it, please distribute it widely. I have a tough week coming up, and seeing environmentalists duck or even crawl would give me a good laugh. Note that not only is the conclusion bogus, but so are about 90 percent of the "facts" in there, although I'm pretty sure we breathe out carbon dioxide.)
To: Our man in washington
Don't let the Democrats see that, they'll start talking out their butts thinking they're saving the planet...no, wait, they already are...
11
posted on
01/04/2004 10:44:19 PM PST
by
in the Arena
(1st Lt. James W. Herrick, Jr., - MIA - Laos - 27 October 69 "Fire Fly 33")
To: Utah Girl
Don't know if this one passes the smell test but good find.
I think I'll challenge the suggestions:
1. Get more sleep.. Eh, why stop there? Encourage hibernation! Sleeping for several days at a time would reduce food intake and waste disposal. Fewer work days and fewer commuters. Reduction of nearly all resources (except heating/cooling system).
2. Limit your circle of friends. Having fewer friends will minimize these problems and also help you save money by not having to buy so many presents for birthdays, anniversaries, and other interpersonal celebrations. Why not just encourage people to buy/make elaborate meals as a gift instead? Everyone has to eat sometime (except those who are hibernating). Concert/theater tickets and vacations are also gifts that can't be placed in a closet, garage, or city dump.
3. Think about a hobby. I said "think." Actually engaging in a hobby model airplanes for example can consume valuable resources and clutter up your house. Just encourage people to pick up an accoustic instrument or better yet SING. No clutter, just "noise" pollution but then again birds are guilty of this same "crime".
4. Support mime. Or streetfight mimes. Again, no props needed.
5. Control your elders. They've had their day and who cares what the 10 Commandments say. < /sarcasm > To curb such impulses, try to get your folks involved in activities that will keep them close to home. A new DVD player and a complete set of "Star Trek" episodes would be a good start. Other useful gifts might include a police scanner and an encyclopedia of magic tricks. Or just buy them an accoustic guitar or harmonica. Ask grandpa to tell you about what this country USED to be like before the socialists took over. The elderly can be a wealth of historical knowledge. Why turn them into couch potatoes watching Star Trek?
6. Wear gloves. Keeping your mitts covered during the day cuts down on washing, thus saving water and curtailing use of soap or detergents. Of course, everytime you went to wipe your eyes/face, you would have to take them off so that you don't contaminate these areas. Proper hygiene is not "debatable".
7. Stay calm. See suggestion (1) about hibernating.
Additional liberal suggestion. Abort all children. The sooner the human race stops walking the planet, the sooner mankind will stop "damaging" everything.
12
posted on
01/04/2004 10:47:30 PM PST
by
weegee
To: Our man in washington
There is a suggestion. If the evolution experts are correct, we came from the sea. Maybe now is the time for De-evolution and a slow process of crawling back into the ooze and eventually returning to life in the sea.
13
posted on
01/04/2004 10:49:56 PM PST
by
weegee
To: Our man in washington
LOL, I guess we should do all our exercising in the prone position. ....
"Scuse me.
OH honeeeeY, Darling........
14
posted on
01/04/2004 10:57:20 PM PST
by
Smokin' Joe
(This tagline manufactured in the U.S.A. and is certified prion-free.)
To: weegee
It's called "Oscillating D'evolution". Actually it has already started. The mind goes first and you become a Liberal Democrat, it's only a small step from there to the jellyfish and then to slime. Some have already reached it.
To: weegee
I wonder if there is a correlation with increased Carbon Dioxide levels and exercising. I refuse to exercise, causing, among other things increased biogenic heat and increased respiration which translates to an increase in CO2 output. Hearing that this can be done at closer proximity to the ground relieves me of feeling guilty for the one form of 'exercise' I absolutely refuse to forego.
Oh, yeah, I, too am just kidding...
16
posted on
01/04/2004 11:03:19 PM PST
by
Smokin' Joe
(This tagline manufactured in the U.S.A. and is certified prion-free.)
To: fish hawk
I think that the first thing to go is the spine. There are a lot of spineless politicians out there...
17
posted on
01/04/2004 11:12:08 PM PST
by
weegee
To: weegee
That's where the Jellyfish comes in. LOL
To: Utah Girl
Bumpersticker: SAVE THE PLANET. KILL YOURSELF.
19
posted on
01/04/2004 11:25:37 PM PST
by
gridlock
(There's no such thing as idiot-proof, only idiot-resistant. The ingenuity of idiots knows no bounds)
To: Theresawithanh
I love Dave Barry!!! His satire is awesome!!
It's amazing how many ppl I know take him seriously
20
posted on
01/04/2004 11:50:35 PM PST
by
PurVirgo
(Here's a tip - Never weedeat the dog pen with your mouth open)
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