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It's Hardball! "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Hardball! Our first guest tonight is former NATO commander and Democratic Presidential hopeful, retired General Wëslëy Clärk."

"Guten abend, Chris."

"General, let's lay it all on the line. Canadians invade New York, what do you do?"

"Well Chris, I would first consult with our allies to achieve a consensus and plan of action to solve the problem."

"General, the Canadians have secured the American portion of Niagra Falls and instituted free healthcare for all. They're moving down the Hudson. How long do you consult with our allies before you take action?"

"Chris, employing force is not a decision to be made lightly or alone. Our allies must be involved in the process and we can't just decide to go it alone because our allies are taking too long to make a decision. Only through negotiation and thoughtful discussion can we meet the threat. Also, I'm in favor of instituting a national healthcare plan for all Americans."

"General, the Canadians have taken Syracuse and instituted Canadian Football League rules at the University. The Orangemen are protesting the extra ten yards on the field and have taken to the hills in armed resistance. Can you stop the Canadian horde before they reach New York City?"

"Well Chris, I want to say right now that any partisans or irregulars will be caught and tried before an International Criminal Tribunal and recieve harsh sentences of up to five years, which can be reduced to two for good behavior. The only way we can do that, though, is if we give our allies and the U.N. a stake in the process from the beginning. It's that sense of shared responsibility that will enhance our image abroad and stengthen international bonds of friendship."

"Okay, General. You've gone through the U.N. and NATO. You've asked the Security Council to authorize the use of force against the Canadians, but France votes against it, along with North Korea, who's holding the rotating seat. What do you do then? Do you go against the Canadians and liberate New York?"

"Chris, it's not that simple. You see, among those Canadian Forces will undoubtedly be men from Quebec and I'd understand any French hesitancy involving force against them. What I would do in that instance is talk to the French and our other allies about alternatives to force."

"And those alternatives would be what?"

"A Peacekeeping Force, for one, followed by a Stabilization Force. We could send an international force to New York, but only after the Canadians have promised to stop. You see, Chris, we can't view this through an 'us vs. them' paradigm. It's not the U.S. against the world. We are a part of the world and the international institutions that exist to promote peace and stability. We can't act unilaterally against a foe, no matter how dire the need may appear at the time."

"General, can you take a piss without U.N. approval?"

"Chris, there are always important questions to consider. What if the two end urinals are taken, leaving only the middle urinal open? Do I use the urinal or the toilet? What if the only open toilet stall is the handicapped one? These questions can only be answered through consultation with our allies, along with disabled Americans. You see, Chris, my Administration will be one of inclusion, not exclusion. Only by involving everyone in the decision-making process, can a consensus be reached and an appropriate course of action taken."

"I'll take that as a 'no.' Thank you, General, and good luck."

"Danke, Chris."

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