Retread troll Zotted: 2003 Yutzes of the Year List

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[aorto57]

Rush Limbaugh

Decision: “Do I make a racial reference about popular Eagles quarterback and Campbell’s Chunky Soup spokesperson Donavan McNabb, thus setting myself up for national ridicule, embarrassing myself, creating a situation that will cause the media to put me under a microscope thus uncovering the fact I am a drug addict and losing a nice cushy gig with ESPN (or) do I keep my mouth shut?” MEGA DITTO YUTZ FOR RUSH.

Kobe Bryant

Decision: “Do I remain faithful to my vows to my drop dead gorgeous loving wife and family, maintain my reputation as a solid citizen, consider my position as a positive role model to millions of kids, be satisfied with the fact that I am one of the most popular and wealthy athletes in America (or) do I take some woman I’ve never met to my hotel room for a quickie?” SLAM DUNK YUTZ AND A FREE SIX-PACK OF THINKPATCH DINKPATCHES.

Special Parental Category

Decision: “Let’s give little Johnny a Rawlings catcher’s mitt, let him pierce his tongue, have Brittany Spears fantasies and live the life of a normal 12-year old? (or) “Nah… lets drop him off at Neverland Ranch for the weekend.” A REAL COIN TOSS. THE YUTZ FAMILY ROBINSON.

Martha Stewart

Decision: “Do I continue to live as an admired icon of a woman’s ability to succeed in a man’s world – as a billionaire with a squeaky clean image, successful TV Show, magazine and public following (or) do I dump a handful of shares of IMCLONE stock, get indicted by the SEC and face jail time in order to save three dollars and eighty-five cents?” IT’S A YUTZ THING.

Glenn Campbell

We suspect the title of Mr. Campbell’s next song might be “Going to Hell in a Handbasket.” First he gets rip-snortin’ drunk, gets in an accident with another car and leaves the scene. Then the cops come and pick him up, bring him in, book him and – just minutes from being released to waiting friends and family Mr. Campbell has a decision to make. He can either simply sign a couple of papers and leave the station with waiting friends and family (or) he can mistake one of the burly male Phoenix police sergeants for Dixie Chick Natalie Maines and kick him in the leg while shouting for all to hear “I’m gonna kick you right in the Corpus Christi!” YUTZ WITH TRUE GRITS.

Jeffrey Skilling

Decision: “Do I operate my multi-billion dollar energy corporation in an honest and ethical manner, reporting earnings and losses like everyone else does and do the best I can with the cards I’m dealt (or) do I rig the deck, set up phony corporations, hide assets that don’t exist, ruin thousands of lives and drive two international corporations out of business?” MBA YUTZ.

Vladimir Putin

Decision: “Do I act like Uruguay and agree to be one of the 50+ nations supporting the war in Iraq without having to risk anything thus protecting my relationship with the only nation that could possibly help my country get out of debt (or) do I tell the President of the United States to shove it?” DR. YUTZVAGO WOULD BE PROUD.

Trent Lott

Decision: “I’ve been invited to attend the 100th birthday party of a man who has publicly supported segregation for decades. From a political perspective I have to go and speak. Do I keep my remarks humorous, light and nostalgic (or) do I make a comment that enflames the nation, my constituency, causes me to lose my influence in Congress and even threatens my existence as a politician?” ALL THOSE IN FAVOR INDICATE BY SAYING YUTZ.

Bob Gannon

Decision: “Lets see, I am the president and CEO of Montana Power. It’s a good solid company that makes a fair profit by providing power at a reasonable price to the people of my state. Thousands have invested in my company and thousands depend on it for their livelihood. Do I listen to my customers and investors and keep the company running strong (or) do I listen to a greedy Wall Street Investment Banking firm who doesn’t give a rats ass about Montana and effectively run the business into the ground, create massive unemployment and turn company stock into worthless wallpaper?” YIPPEE AYE KAYA YUTZ FOR BOB.

Tom Sizemore

Decision: “I’m coming off a couple real big hit movies. opportunities to do even bigger and better things are mine for the taking. I’m a rugged good-looking guy and could date any woman I wanted. So, what do I do? I decide to make Heidi Fleiss my little cupcake for two years. Then I decide to beat her up and leave a trail of vicious voice messages – just in case the prosecutors needs some help convicting me.” 2-THUMBS UP ON THE YUTZOMETER FOR TOM.

Winona Ryder

Decision: “Hmmm… I could simply pay for this merchandise. After all, I’m a wealthy movie actress and I have lots of fans who pay good money to see me in pictures (or) I could pilfer these things, get caught, embarrass myself and my family, risk going to jail, reduce my box-office value and possibly destroy my career.” ENVELOPE PLEASE… AND THIS YEAR'S YUTZ ACTRESS OF THE YEAR AWARD GOES TO…

Paris Hilton

Decision: “I’m heir to the Hilton Hotel fortune. My image is that of a dumb bimbo, but I’m not. A couple of years ago I made the decision to have myself videotaped having sex with my boyfriend at the time. Now I am shocked at the thought that others have somehow gotten their hands on this tape and are trying to make money on it.” YES MS. HILTON, THE YUTZ SUITE IS AVAILABLE.

Grady Little

Decision: "Let's see, I can see Pedro Martinez is starting to throw like my Aunt Sarah. It's the 7th game of the World Series and we're still winning. I can pull Pedro and put in a fresh arm - probably winning the championship, taking the team to the World Series where we might win for the first time in 80+ years thus securing for myself a free ride on the shoulders of anyone in Boston for the rest of my life (or) I could leave him in, lose the game and get fired." THE CURSE OF THE YUTZ CONTINUES.

Bernie Ebbers

Decision: “I was the CEO of WorldCom and I made more money than God. The choice I had was pretty simple. I could have my multi-billion dollar telecommunications company operate in a fiscally sound, ethical manner and continue to reap a huge salary, stock options and bonuses (or) I could allegedly participate in behavior that would lead to the largest bankruptcy reorganization in U.S. history, be charged with defrauding investors and effectively destroy every day for the rest of my life.” DIAL 1-800-YUTZ.

Dennis Koslowski

Decision: “Instead of using company funds to have Jimmy Buffet play at my wife’s birthday I could’ve just gotten her his Greatest Hits CD. Instead of using company funds to upgrade my mansion I should’ve waited for the next sale at Home Depot. Instead of buying expensive diamonds and jewelry with what was in the Tyco petty cash box I could’ve just bid on the Cubic Zirconia collection on the Home Shopping Network.” COULD’VE, WOULD’VE, SHOULD’VE – THE CLASSIC LAMENT OF THE YUTZ.

Andrew Fastow

Decision: “I was the Chief Financial Officer at Enron. The decision I faced was to either operate the company in a legitimate, ethical and forthright manner – receive my lucrative annual salary, bonuses and stock (or) get involved in a web of fraudulent partnership deals that would cost thousands of people their jobs, investors millions, drive the business into bankruptcy and have me facing almost 100 charges of fraud, obstruction of justice, insider trading, money-laundering and filing false income tax returns.” TAKE A MEMO: YOU’RE A YUTZ.

Richard Scrushy

Decision: “As the top dawg at HealthSouth I could continue living a real nice comfortable life… one far better than the average America. I might even be able to come up with ways to make everyone else’s life a little better (or) I can get myself mixed up in an accounting fraud scheme that made it appear as if my company made $2.5 billion more than it actually did. If I choose this route I will face 85 separate counts that could result in a prison term of up to 650 years and a fine of up to $278,000,000.” TAKE TWO THINKPATCHES AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING.

[PPHSFL]

Your list is a good start, though I could probably add some more people. Just ignore those who are badmouthing you. To the others, Republicans can do stupid things just as easily as Democrats can. We're not immune. Also, don't bother with the troll stuff with me. I've been posting here on and off for two and a half years.

[sonsofliberty2000]

ping to #72

Patriot Paradox
Anxiety Closet

Please vote for my blog and for King of Fools (Chewed Gum on FR) at the 2003 Weblog Awards. I am in Large Mammal category, and he is in Best New Weblog

[WinOne4TheGipper]

Nope. It's a troll. Look at the title now.

[anymouse]

This is JimRob's forum, it is up to him to decide how much he want to let leftist trolls promote their websites on FR. My opinion is that it serves little purpose except for providing a source for some unintentional humor.

[sonsofliberty2000]

If you know me at all from the forum you know that I am one that attacks trolls as well. This guy displayed no troll characteristics, he even stayed to show his point-of-view for awhile. I think Jim may agree with me that he is not a troll. If not I will agree to disagree and move on. Are you wishing me to leave this forum for disagreeing with you over this?

---

Patriot Paradox
Anxiety Closet

Please vote for my blog and for King of Fools (Chewed Gum on FR) at the 2003 Weblog Awards. I am in Large Mammal category, and he is in Best New Weblog

[NonValueAdded]

Troll or not a troll, the list is pretty good if you take it with a sense of humor. We should simply take it as a challenge to fill in the missing pieces. I'd like to see Grady Little moved to the top of the list by the way. Maybe if we added voting for King Yutz of the Year?

BTW ... maybe Rush is a shrewd political operator and "took himself out" before the drug news broke, forcing ESPN to take action on that front. You have to admit the former approach is working better than the latter ever could. Just a thought.

[anymouse]

You are far to sensitive to perceived criticism to be a real troll hunter. :) I was merely pointing out the obvious, that this is JimRob's forum and he has final say on who posts here.

I do disagree on this particular poster though. Benign new posters rarely jump in so soon with such an elaborate post or post leftist rants without clarifying that they disagree with those rants. A troll on the other hand sees this as an opportunity to disrupt and sap FReepers morale and time.

[Gothmog]

People can debate the merits of this post or whatever, but you really should read your own post and try to correct for factual error.

Grady Little -- Red Sox Manager.

"Decision: Let's see, I can see Pedro Martinez is starting to throw like my Aunt Sarah. It's the 7th game of the World Series and we're still winning. I can pull Pedro and put in a fresh arm - probably winning the championship, taking the team to the World Series where we might win for the first time in 80+ years thus securing for myself a free ride on the shoulders of anyone in Boston for the rest of my life (or) I could leave him in, lose the game and get fired.' THE CURSE OF THE YUTZ CONTINUES."

Just to highlight the error:

"It's the 7th game of the World Series and we're still winning."

As the rest of the whine makes clear, Little and the Sox were not in the World Series at the time.

Kind of nitpicky, but if you're going to criticize others you should try not to make such obvious mistakes yourself.

Bye.

[sonsofliberty2000]

You are far to sensitive to perceived criticism to be a real troll hunter. :) I was merely pointing out the obvious, that this is JimRob's forum and he has final say on who posts here. I'll give you that one! This is why I stick to interviews and discussions here and attack occasionally. I usually only jump on trolls that are very obvious, the ones that come in and post an inflammatory and slightly literate rant, something like: "Gore is cool because mooses are 4 Dean! Go Clinton!" I do disagree on this particular poster though. Benign new posters rarely jump in so soon with such an elaborate post or post leftist rants without clarifying that they disagree with those rants. A troll on the other hand sees this as an opportunity to disrupt and sap FReepers morale and time. This might be a more intelligent troll then the usual, I will give you that. I only get upset when there seems to be a trend toward banning all dissenters. I like intelligent dissent. I wish there were more allowed that actually get to debate different issues. When I get email though calling me a bleeding heart and telling me to make my own party and get out of the GOP, I get poed. That person knows who they are, and my friends on this forum know where I stand. I'm no moderate, that is for sure. I do like to debate and have the chance to get someone over to my ideas.

[unspun]

Rush could have had a better year.

[sweetliberty]

You have a ZOT ping list? I want to be on it!

[sweetliberty]

"They haven't left a real zot up in a long time."

Maybe it's because some of us have been nagging the mods to leave them up long enough for FReepers to barbecue them a bit before the final ZOT.

[Arrowhead1952]

You have a ZOT ping list? I want to be on it!

Just added you to it. I will be on vacation from Dec 19 - Jan 6. Won't be able to get to my FR from home much. Be to busy doing "honey-do's".

[walden]

"Those who think everyone on the list is a Republican or a conservative are in error IMO."

EXACTLY. I KNOW that regardless of what the press says, the Enron guys were just whores-- political affiliation not important. And Martha Stewart is no friggin Republican either. I'm sure the same goes for the rest of the corporate Yutzes. The misleading thing is putting Rush first and including NO obviously identifiable partisan from the other side.

[Dr. Eugene Rutherfordtonstein]

Hello. It takes some digging, but you will find that we diss Republicans and Democrats alike.

Check out the "Quotes" section, from the "Yutz List" page.

Remember, you may suggest your own Yutz as well.

Dr. Eugene Rutherfordtonstein,
ThinkPatch Laboratories