Gay Catholics Act Up

Just a few weeks before the consecration of Gene Robinson as the first openly gay bishop of any mainline Christian denomination, the Roman Catholic Church reminded gays that old hatreds die hard. Michael Sabatino Jr. and Robert Voorheis, a couple who sang for years in the choir of St. Benedict's Church in Throgs Neck, were married in Canada on October 4 and then promptly turned out of the choir by their pastor. By wedding, the couple took a swipe at the church's loathing of anything openly gay, sexual, and unashamed. In the face of such an abomination, says Joseph Zwilling, spokesman for the Archdiocese of New York, "a pastor has not only the right but the obligation to act."

But now gay Catholics are acting up in ways that not only question church teachings, but the authority it has bludgeoned them with. This new development emerged at a sacred event on Monday: the mass at the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. celebrating the annual gathering of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. Still staggering from revelations of sexual abuse by Catholic priests, the bishops donned their finest vestments. But lining up in the cathedral's center aisle was another group wearing sashes identifying them as openly gay Catholics.

These are members of the Rainbow Sash Movement, which began several years ago in Australia and is now catching on in the States. By wearing the sash in church, its members were performing an act of disobedience at least as shocking as storming down the aisle shouting slogans of resistance. Within a Church culture that has exploited the labors of gay priests and nuns for centuries—demanding absolute secrecy about their sexuality—receiving the body and blood of Christ through a mouth that openly welcomes others of the same sex is perhaps the most insurrectionary act American gays have attempted in years. At last year's mass for the bishops, Rainbow Sash members were refused Communion. As Joe Murray, spokesman for the U.S. movement, remembers it, "A lay spokesperson said from the podium, 'There are those in this congregation who will be using the host as a sign of disunity; consequently they will be denied it.' " Says Murray, "We'll be back this year, anyway."

Being a gay Catholic activist is not like being a member of ACT UP. "You're not just protesting government policy—you're challenging the people you believe represent you to God," a former AIDS activist explains. But anger and impulses to fight back were inadvertently encouraged thanks to attempts by church officials and right-wing laity (such as the Catholic League) to blame the debacle on the mere existence of gay priests. The conference of bishops' leader, Wilton Gregory, notoriously announced at a Vatican press conference that the real dilemma at hand was to "end the domination of the priesthood by homosexuals." And this summer the Vatican published "Considerations Regarding Proposals to Give Legal Recognition to Unions Between Homosexual Persons," a document that not only reiterated the Holy See's revulsion to gayness but stated that the practice of gay adoption means "doing violence to these children."

In the past, such a statement would have elicited angry silence from gays trained to believe that Silence = Faith. But silence has really equaled death for gays in the Church, and this truth is finally causing many gay Catholics to erupt. "How dare they?" hollered a gay friend, the kind of Catholic who normally doesn't stand up to his mother (let alone the pope), after reading the "Considerations." "How dare they accuse us of hurting children when . . . " He didn't have to finish the sentence.

"We are getting hundreds of new members all over the country," says Jeff Stone, who is an active member of the New York chapter of DignityUSA, the largest American gay Catholic organization, which has more than 50 chapters for at least 3,000 gay Catholics in 30 states. Dignity has long walked a tremulous line between religious acquiescence and gay pride. But at its national convention in Las Vegas, held by chance right after "Considerations" was released, nobody preached patience and submission. "We all found the document's timing very interesting," says Stone. "It was clearly intended as a response to [the Canadian and U.S. developments] and to frighten people." DignityUSA immediately drafted and voted on a rebuttal. And this week, its members are in Washington, too.

"When the bishops convene, we will attempt to meet with them—as many as possible—to continue dialogue," says Matthew Gallagher, the new executive director of Dignity. "Bishop Gregory has said there should be no discussion with 'dissenting organizations.' That's why this has to be done privately." But there is no shame in Dignity's tactics, which reflect an understanding of how to make progress within a church that seems to fear public exposure ("giving scandal," as Zwilling puts it) even more than damnation.

Other ways of helping gay Catholics find a proud place in the pew are appearing all over the country. In numerous dioceses, small outreach efforts are being made to know, listen to, and respect the increasing numbers of gay men and women coming to mass on Sunday with their lovers and children. These efforts are changing minds ready for a new direction. Spurred in part by the church's equally ridiculous condemnations of birth control and a greater role for women, a culture of dissent has gained authority in American parishes. Distrust of church leaders has caused rank-and-file Catholics to lean heavily on their local priests (usually more in touch with reality than the hierarchy) and turn to each other, in the process recognizing, and in many cases welcoming, gay congregants. "I have friends in my [Illinois] parish," Murray says matter-of-factly. "My lover and I are always invited to houses of fellow Catholics as a couple. There are welcoming parishes all over the country."

One well-known group is New Ways Ministry, whose executive director, Francis DeBernardo, was teaching a workshop for Catholic gays and their families and ministers when "Considerations" appeared. "People said they felt 'slapped in the face' by the document," DeBernardo recalls. But he also notes a new "resilience, a truer sense of identity," sloughing off the insult.

A frequent response to church homophobia has been to simply walk out to another faith, usually Episcopal. But even that church's recent ordination of an openly gay bishop doesn't seem to be spurring mass defections among gay Catholics (although Sabatino and Voorheis, the banished choir members, are said to be exploring other denominations). "Gay Catholics who couldn't handle things like this [document] have made up their minds and left the church," a New York City priest explains. "A lot of others are staying, and are determined to stay."

Challenges to the church's authority are making it harder for Catholic homophobes to operate. "Look," continues the New York priest, who counsels gay parishioners, "everybody has a gay cousin or nephew or grandson now. Nobody in the church can afford to say 'Just fuck 'em' to gays anymore!"

Does all this mean a gay liberation of the faithful is on the way? Probably not. "If anyone has the expectation that Catholic teaching on homosexuality is likely to change sometime soon—say, under a new pope—they are likely to be disappointed," cautions John L. Allen Jr., Vatican correspondent for the National Catholic Reporter. And not everyone is speaking truth to power. "People are still being hit hard," by church homophobia, insists Brendan Fay, one of the first Catholic gays from New York to marry in Canada and the first to wear the Rainbow Sash at St. Patrick's Cathedral. "There's still lots of blood and tears to be shed over this."

Catholic radicals like Dorothy Day and the Berrigan brothers taught a generation that activism is an instrument of (and a saving) grace. And so the convergence of religious devotion and social activism that is as much a part of American Catholicism as St. Patrick's Day parades continues, led by a part of that church emerging and acting for the first time. "This is going to take a long time," Murray admits, "but like other people, I see the workings of the Holy Spirit in this, and seeing that makes it easier to stand up for what I believe."

presidio per our earlier discussion see this article.

ZENIT News Agency, The World Seen from Rome

Recognizing and Treating Same-Sex Attractions in Children
Father John Harvey Gives Tips for Parents

NEW YORK, NOV. 16, 2003 (Zenit.org).- Parents who think their children may have same-sex attractions can look for specific signs and seek effective psychological and spiritual treatment for their kids, says an expert in the field.

Father John Harvey, an Oblate of St. Francis de Sales, is founder of Courage, a Catholic apostolate for adults with same-sex attractions, and is co-editor of "Same-Sex Attraction: A Parent's Guide" Ignatius).

He shared with ZENIT what are the main factors that may contribute to same-sex attractions in children and what parents can do to help their child.

Q: Could you briefly explain what are the roots of same-sex attractions?

Father Harvey: There are many roots of same-sex attractions. From many years of research and pastoral practice I believe that there are four principal factors, which, individually or collectively, contribute to same-sex attractions.

One is the inability of the child to identify with the gender of the same-sex parent. This occurs when the same-sex parent does not make himself or herself psychologically accessible to the child, and in this context child includes adolescents.

In her book "Psychogenesis and the Early Development of Gender Identity," Elizabeth Moberly explains the need of the child to identify with the same-sex parent. By identifying with his father, a little boy begins the process of achieving masculinity; by identifying with her mother, a little girl begins a similar process toward femininity.

The second factor is an overweening relationship with the opposite-sex parent. For example, a mother of a large family, whose husband was working several jobs, formed an excessively close relationship with her youngest son and confided in him her own dissatisfaction with her husband. She really blocked her son's access to his father. It must be kept in mind that parents are usually unaware of the harm that they do to the child.

The third aspect is a failure to identify with members of one's own sex during childhood and adolescence. A son who has not identified with his father, or even older brothers, will lack confidence in his relationships with other boys in their games. He will tend to spend time with girls as his companions. He tends to avoid team sports games. During adolescence he find himself yearning to touch other youth, about whom he has erotic fantasies.

Another example is a girl who perceives her mother as weak, because she always gave into her domineering father. The girl tells herself that she is not going to be weak like her mother -- she'll be like her father. She becomes aggressive like him and later feels physically attracted to women.

The fourth contributing factor is emotional and sexual abuse in childhood and adolescence. An example of emotional abuse would be a father who gives special attention to several older sons who excel in team sports, while neglecting the youngest son who does not engage in sports. An example of sexual abuse would be sexual seduction of an adolescent by an adult.

Girls can be emotionally abused in many ways. Some girls are treated as a boy, spending little time with girls and much time with boys in sporting events; other girls are emotionally neglected by the father -- who is often alcoholic -- and witness the father mistreating the mother.

Many girls, in grade school or high school, have suffered sexual abuse, and the trauma turns them away from the male sex. Physical sexual abuse can lead to same-sex attractions in youth.

Q: How can parents recognize if their child is sexually attracted to others of the same sex, or may be vulnerable to developing such attractions?

Father Harvey: It is not easy to recognize signs in a child indicating future same-sex attractions. I shall give some signs for each sex.

Signs for a boy include a little boy who likes to dress up in girls' clothes -- sometimes this began with the mother dressing him like a little girl.

Other signs are if one son in a family is different from his brothers; if a boy is not involved in sports; if he is a loner who spends endless hours on the Internet; if, as an adolescent, he spends much time with one or two other boys who are also loners; if most of his close friends are girls; if he has feminine mannerisms; if he has a distant relationship with his father; and if he tends to prefer his sisters to his brothers. Very often a child with same-sex attractions is the youngest in a family.

It is more difficult to recognize signs of same-sex attractions in girls because the signs are not really visible during childhood. Tomboys often grow up very feminine. Perhaps during adolescence the parents may notice that their daughter does not show interest in being with young men, but, on the contrary, spends her time with a few other girls who also are not dating boys. Sometimes she is a loner who spends many hours on the Internet.

In cases of divorce, particularly when the mother makes her daughter her confidante, the young lady will feel no physical attraction to male youth because of her bitter memories toward her father. Sometimes the young woman is frightened by the way her father treated her mother and herself.

Much of this develops at first on the unconscious level. Sometimes youth say that they cannot understand why they have same-sex attractions. I suggest that they see a psychoanalyst to explore their unconscious motivation.

Q: What can parents do on their own to help their child with same-sex attractions?

Father Harvey: Presupposing that parents notice something wrong in the mood and behavior of their child, they can encourage their child to spend more time with other children of the same sex.

It is prudent to bring the child to a reliable clinical psychologist, especially if parents see a sudden change of behavior -- school grades dropping, child withdrawn and moody, and so on. Often, the child has been traumatized and is afraid to tell parents, because he is afraid that his mother will not believe him.

For example, a 17-year-old boy became depressed after suffering abuse from a friend of the family. His grades in school dropped. Finally he told his mother. Again, parents should be alert to the dangers of Internet, particularly when a youngster spends many hours by himself.

Q: What resources outside of the family do you recommend for treatment of same-sex attractions?

Father Harvey: I recommend clinical psychologists and psychiatrists who agree with Catholic teaching that homogenital acts are always seriously immoral in the objective order.

I realize that in many instances, the person with same-sex attractions may be ignorant of Church teachings or may be addicted to sexual behavior, and consequently not incur the guilt of mortal sin.

I advise the person with presumable same-sex attractions who is under 18 years of age to visit a therapist to see if he really has same-sex attractions. With regard to those over 18 years, I recommend that they find the Courage group located nearest to them.

I also see the necessity for anyone with same-sex attractions to find a spiritual director who can work with a reliable therapist to help the person both psychologically and spiritually. There are also forms of family therapy in which the therapist will engage the parents as well as the person.

Q: How are same-sex attractions treated and overcome?

Father Harvey: There are many treatments for same-sex attractions developed over the years. The National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality [NARTH] reaches out to the thousands who desire not only to be chaste, but also to recover their natural and God-given inclinations as far as possible.

One can choose to develop a life of interior chastity and to use the known means of reducing same-sex attractions to the point where they are not obstacles to progress toward union with Jesus Christ. The pioneering work of Leanne Payne and Elizabeth Moberly has influenced hundreds of therapists in the United States in their efforts to help people with same-sex attractions.

There is no infallible method that brings people with same-sex attractions out of this condition, but NARTH reports in a recent study that one-third fully recovers his natural, heterosexual inclinations; one-third significantly improves; and one-third does not improve at all.

Q: Teen-agers are increasingly confronted in the media with the message that same-sex relations are perfectly normal. How can parents deal with this problem?

Father Harvey: Not only are teen-agers confronted with this message, but adults and parents as well. Unfortunately, many teen-agers and adults -- including parents -- accept the messages that same-sex attractions are perfectly normal.

It becomes, then, very difficult for parents who believe in the Church's teaching concerning homosexual behavior to persuade their teen-age son or daughter -- perhaps already brainwashed by the Gay-Straight Alliance -- to accept the teaching of the Church.

Perhaps the long-term approach of teaching one's children over the years the full teaching of the Church on human sexuality is the best way of educating children and preparing them for the battle between the culture and the Church.

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