Free Republic Smokers' Lounge

121 posted on 05/30/2003 6:45:24 PM PDT by Just another Joe (FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)

Ah, well, you already know about the can-opener test. Guess she just... likes power tools!

That IS creepy, isn't it?

122 posted on 05/30/2003 6:46:27 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady (Let them eat cake.)

To: Just another Joe

Her only project is going to be changing your entire living room into one big litterbox. And, of course, the cat climbs in your bedroom. LOL

Already done those, though they weren't on *my* list. Though, I do have to admit that the cat climbs were really nicely done. Nice use of opposing hardwoods and softwoods, and the upholstery work was magnificent.

123 posted on 05/30/2003 6:47:33 PM PDT by Ramius

and the upholstery work was magnificent.

Or at least your upholstery work used to be magnificent. ;^)

124 posted on 05/30/2003 6:49:34 PM PDT by Just another Joe (FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)

To: Just another Joe

hehehe... maybe I'll name the next cat "Che". It would go well with the poster.

Though-- I belong to the school of thought that cats should not be named, but merely numbered. My other cat is named (true!) "Number six".

125 posted on 05/30/2003 6:49:44 PM PDT by Ramius

To: A_perfect_lady

Yes! way creepy.

The other day I came home and she was poring over the owner's manual for my car. She didn't think I noticed... but oh yeah... I noticed alright.

I'm just lucky she can't reach both the pedals and the wheel at the same time. That would take both cats to pull off, and they don't like each other much. They'd never agree to both be in the same car.

126 posted on 05/30/2003 6:53:09 PM PDT by Ramius

Don't count on it. I had a friend who had to shut his two cats in the bathroom when he ate or they'd be all up in his face. One night he was coming to let them out and he saw the doorknob was turning. It would turn a little and then slip back... then a pause... then turn a little and slip back. Freaked, he opened the door to find one cat balanced on the bathroom sink pawing at the knob from the top and the other reaching up from the floor, pawing at the knob from the bottom. If they'd just had enough grip....

127 posted on 05/30/2003 6:59:51 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady (Let them eat cake.)

To: A_perfect_lady

It's because they don't have opposable thumbs, and we do. Lucky us, for that.

...or pockets. That's why we run the world and animals don't. They don't have pockets, so they can't carry any money. That's what keeps us on top. We have all the pockets.

I know what you're thinking: but kangaroos have pockets. Sure they do... but they just have those short little arms and they can't reach in there.

It's all about pockets and opposable thumbs. Lay *that* one on your anthropology professor and watch him turn colors. :-)

128 posted on 05/30/2003 7:09:57 PM PDT by Ramius

Ever sit and imagine what your cat would do to you if you suddenly shrunk down to 2 inches tall? I think about that sometimes. Get short of breath.

129 posted on 05/30/2003 7:16:31 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady (Let them eat cake.)

To: A_perfect_lady

Ever sit and imagine what your cat would do to you if you suddenly shrunk down to 2 inches tall? I think about that sometimes. Get short of breath.

Yeah, I have, and I'm pretty sure that she thinks about that *all* the time. That's pretty much the only reason I'm really nice to her all the time. Just in case.

That, and making myself a little steel-plated box down in the corner of the room. Just in case. :-)

130 posted on 05/30/2003 7:24:00 PM PDT by Ramius

Good night folks. I gotta get some rest.
See if I can't kick this chest cold.

131 posted on 05/30/2003 7:39:37 PM PDT by Just another Joe (FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)

To: Just another Joe

I gots my own favorite drinking levels:

The Five Stages of Drinking (by Larry Miller)

LEVEL 1:
It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers.
You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends.
Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep

(snap fingers)

I'm cool."

LEVEL 2:
It's midnight.
You've had a few more beers.
You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf.
You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep

(snap fingers)

I'm cool."

LEVEL 3:
One in the morning.
You've abandoned beer for tequila.
You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf.
And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!"
At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face.
You get drinking fantasies. (like,"Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.")
But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of blood

(snap fingers)

I'm cool."

LEVEL 4:
Two in the morning.
And the devil is bartending.
For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke.
You ARE artificial turf!
This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face!
And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen."
You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an ...after hours bar.
And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....
STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!!
Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow

(snap fingers)

I'm cool."

LEVEL 5:
Five in the morning.
After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor...
("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!")
you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that."
At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding.
A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!"
One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO VEGAS!!!!!"
and passes out.
You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of level five...
the sun.
You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?"
Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight.
We all say the same prayer then,
"I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!"
And some of us have that little addition,
"......and this time, I mean it!"

132 posted on 05/31/2003 1:22:23 AM PDT by LibertarianInExile ("If push came to shove, I could lose all self-respect & become a reporter." - C. Barkley)

To: Just another Joe

"I'm having a sh!t instead"
"paging Tom Daschle,paging Tom Daschle, dinner is served"

133 posted on 05/31/2003 5:40:51 AM PDT by Cheapskate

To: A_perfect_lady

My dog loves George Strait, Toby Keith, and Nora Jones. Van Halen mkes her nervous. You have to think there is a reason. I used to love Van Halen but I trust my Lab.

134 posted on 05/31/2003 7:12:15 PM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (Paper or plastic? That is the question.)

To: Just another Joe; maxwell

Hot off the press, from my brother:

It was the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to
know the kids by asking them their names and what their fathers
did for a living.

The first little girl said, "My name is Mary and my daddy is a
postman."

The next little boy said, "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."

It was then little Johnny's turn and he said, "My name is Johnny and
my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

The teacher gasped and quickly moved on, but later, in the school
yard, the teacher approaches Johnny privately and asks if it was
really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.

Little Johnny blushed and said, "No, he's really a guitar player for
the Dixie Chicks, but I was too embarrassed to say so."

135 posted on 06/04/2003 9:03:42 AM PDT by MeekOneGOP (Bu-bye Dixie Chimps! / Check out my Freeper site !: http://home.attbi.com/~freeper/wsb/index.html)

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