Democrats Quietly Add 'Have You Raped Anyone?' To Questionnaire For Aspiring Candidates

The Babylon Bee ^ | July 8 2026 | The Babylon Bee

[xp38]

U.S. — According to sources, the Democrat Party quietly revised their process for vetting prospective candidates by first asking them if they've ever raped anyone.

Following the surprise implosion of would-be senator Graham Platner, Democrats reportedly added a new question to the typical questionnaire they give every prospective candidate: Have you ever raped anyone?

"Forgetting to ask about the rape thing is really coming back to bite us," said Ken Martin, head of the Democratic National Committee. "It always catches us off guard. I really think adding a brief screening to see if potential candidates have committed felonious sexual assault might be wise. I think we can learn a lot from that."

Political strategists applauded the DNC for finally asking candidates if they'd ever raped anyone, but warned that some people — especially politicians — lie. Without at least performing a cursory investigation, it's likely a rapist could still become the nominee for a major political office. But not to worry, said DNC officials, because they've included a follow up question: If your answer is no, why not? Please answer in complete sentences.

At publishing time, Republicans had quietly updated their vetting process to ask candidates if they are clinically dead.

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TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: askbillclinton; portaplatner; thebee

[xp38]

Progress! There's no stopping it.

[BenLurkin]

“Better put some ice on that.”

[lee martell]

“Oh, and last but not least, for the Applicant, one more quick question for ya!
Your answer will not (necessarily) effect your score.”

[BipolarBob]

That’s not fair. The 5th Amendment says i can’t be compelled to self incriminate. She set me up. Besides Whoopi says if it ain’t rape rape, it don’t count. Besides it would have been consensual if she had been conscious. She just couldn’t handle her vallium and alcohol. Not my fault. And the Democrat excuses keep coming in on the questionnaires.

[dfwgator]

[Kenny Bania]

“The bitch set me up.” - Marion Berry

[GOPJ]

Without at least performing a cursory investigation, it's likely a rapist could still become the nominee for a major political office. But not to worry, said DNC officials, because they've included a follow up question: If your answer is no, why not? Please answer in complete sentences.

Another question for democrat macho men potential candidates 'Are you still supported by your parents' - and 'If you're a business owner is your only customer your mother'?

[mass55th]

LOL!! I know this is the Babylon Bee, but in real life, RAT Senator Maisie Hirono asks every Republican nominee during their hearings if they’ve ever made unwanted sexual advances to someone or asked for sexual favors. She even asked Amy Coney Barrett.

[ExTexasRedhead]

DemonRATs have been raping We The People for decades!! Start with that fact.

[rodguy911]

Remember being a democrat is never having to say you are sorry!!

[rodguy911]

Remember being a democrat is never having to say you are sorry!!

[Liz]

.........real life RAT, Sen Maisie Hirono, asks every Republican nominee at hearings if they’ve ever made unwanted sexual advances to someone or asked for sexual favors. She even asked Amy Coney Barrett...................

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Mmmmmm.......betcha Maisie’s self-esteem went up a notch or two after asking.

[Carl Vehse]

"Democrats Quietly Add 'Have You Raped Anyone?' To Questionnaire For Aspiring Candidates"

Wait! For Demonicrats, that's a resume enhancer.

[napscoordinator]

I know it’s sarcasm. But both parties really should add this question. Both parties are full of deviant people

[chopperk]

Dems never asked Clinton anything before or after office.

[Vaduz]

True 5 women nod.

Senate Acquittal: Clinton was officially acquitted by the U.S.
Senate in January 1999.

So much for justice for all?.