Trump To Convert Entire City Of Minneapolis Into Insane Asylum

The Bee ^ | January 21, 2026 | Staff

[Navy Patriot]

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of the executive order to bring back mental institutions, President Trump announced this morning that he would begin by converting the entire city of Minneapolis into an insane asylum.

The new executive order aims to stem violence from people on the streets with severe psychiatric conditions, such as the population of Minneapolis.

"It's going to be a big, beautiful loony bin," said Trump of the new project. "We're going to drop a big building right on top the city to keep all the nutsos safe inside. People say it's mean, but it's really the nice thing to do for the crazies. I mean, look at these poor lunatics, standing outside in zero-degree weather, screaming and rolling around on the ground. We're doing them all a big favor."

According to Pentagon officials, the military will drop the floorless frame of an enormous building around the city limits, instantly creating the world's largest insane asylum. "It's long overdue," said a Pentagon official, on condition of anonymity. "Innocent civilians simply cannot coexist next to dangerous psychopaths like people in Minneapolis. We just need to make sure Don Lemon is still inside."

At publishing time, Trump had asked the Pentagon if they could also do the same thing with everyone else at Davos.

[Navy Patriot]

President Trump certainly has a heart, giving those in Minneapolis the help that they need!

[dandiegirl]

Hilarious!

[EvilCapitalist]

Would anyone notice a difference?

[HIDEK6]

"It's going to be a big, beautiful loony bin," said Trump …

You can hear him saying that.

[blackdog]

Thorazine into the municipal water systems would do wonders. I’ve never seen such a collection of morons that bark at the moon and call that astrophysics.

[Mr. Lucky]

Too late.

[RetiredTexasVet]

Too slow Trump, Minneapolis has done it on its own.

[Adder]

BUILD A WALL! BUILD A WALL!

keep ‘em in!

[KittyKares]

I already thought it was an outdoor insane asylum.

[Rummyfan]

Why not?!

[FlingWingFlyer]

Build an arena. Give the Sammies little cowboy suits and cowboy hats and load their asses on the backs of border collies and have a chimpanzee rodeo all day where people have to pay to get in and watch. Use the money to pay the 2 billion dollars back to the American taxpayers.

[metmom]

They’re not only good, but they’re quick.

I cannot imagine what living with one of these guys is like.

[Verginius Rufus]

In the years before the Civil War, the most extreme pro-slavery politicians tended to be from South Carolina.

The saying was that South Carolina was too small to be a nation and too big to be an insane asylum.

[SunkenCiv]

Convert?

[Allegra]

I’ve always thought it would be so much fun to work there.

[faithhopecharity]

in other words, there will be no change for Minneapolis

[Navy Patriot]

Historically interesting!

[oldtech]

I know it sounds a little crazy, but I liked what was stated. Too many crazies there & they need to be contained somehow.

[Carry_Okie]

Cheaper relocation costs that way.

[Peter ODonnell]

Why stop there?