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Texas Woman Wishes There Were Some Activity She Could Abstain From To Be Sure She Won't Get Pregnant
The Babylon Bee ^ | September 2, 2021 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 09/03/2021 12:09:00 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

DALLAS, TX—As new restrictions on abortion go into effect in Texas, more and more concerned residents are speaking out about their loss of abortion access. We caught up with Dallas resident Debbie Woods to discuss the impact of the new law on her life.

“I probably get four or five abortions a year, so this will definitely impact me directly,” Woods said. "I just can't have a kid right now. I’m sleeping over at a different guy’s house like five nights a week. Nobody’s going to want to hook up with me if I’ve got a baby in tow!”

Woods says she’s been racking her brain for days trying to think of a solution to her predicament. “I wish there was some activity I could abstain from in order to not get pregnant,” she said. “I mean, I eat right, I exercise, and I even floss daily no matter whose house I’m sleeping at. I just can’t figure out what’s causing my unwanted pregnancies!”

In addition to cutting something out of her life, Woods said she’s open to other alternative pregnancy prevention ideas. “It would be great if stores sold products that could keep you from getting pregnant in the first place,” Woods added. “Something that responsible people would make sure to use during whatever activity is causing pregnancy to block it from ever happening."

"But alas."


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Chit/Chat; Conspiracy; Health/Medicine; Humor; Local News; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: abortion; abstinence; babylonbee; birthcontrol; dallas; pregnancy; promiscuity; pua; redpill; restrictions; satire; sex; texas; texasheartbeatact
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1 posted on 09/03/2021 12:09:00 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Ping pong.


2 posted on 09/03/2021 12:11:26 PM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer”)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Aspirin. Hold it between your legs.


3 posted on 09/03/2021 12:11:37 PM PDT by sauropod (Bidet was no prize before he put the “d” in “dementia.” - Schlichter)
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To: sauropod

The only truly effective oral contraception is the word “NO!”


4 posted on 09/03/2021 12:14:39 PM PDT by cartoonistx ( the feeling of fainting! )
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Ok, you got me.

For like 47 seconds.

😄


5 posted on 09/03/2021 12:18:41 PM PDT by Spirit of Liberty (~Truth does not mind being questioned. A lie does not like being challenged.~)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

LOL! I read that these weirdos were urging women in Texas not to have sex with men because of this...in most cases, I doubt that those weirdo women were doing that in the first place.

Secondly, if they’re looking for love in Texas, they’re probably not going to find many takers.


6 posted on 09/03/2021 12:25:21 PM PDT by livius
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

None is this stupid.
But they are working on it.


7 posted on 09/03/2021 12:25:46 PM PDT by Leep (Save America. Lock down Joe Biden!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Either wear a chastity belt, with matching cuff links, or become like Chastity Bono.
8 posted on 09/03/2021 12:29:44 PM PDT by Richard Axtell (As if.)
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To: Leep

A proud product of the public schools system


9 posted on 09/03/2021 12:30:11 PM PDT by faithhopecharity (Politicians are not born, they are excreted. Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 to 43 BCE))
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Sounds like my ex.


10 posted on 09/03/2021 12:31:59 PM PDT by dljordan (Slouching towards Woketopia)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

flex seal has an assortment of products that may help in this situation...


11 posted on 09/03/2021 12:40:37 PM PDT by heavy metal (smiling improves your face value as well as making people wonder what the hell you're up to... 😁)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Is there a test that will detect a pregnancy before a fetal can be detected?


12 posted on 09/03/2021 12:43:23 PM PDT by cymbeline
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To: heavy metal

Well, it can float a boat but I don’t see how it could help…..

Ohhhhhhhh…..


13 posted on 09/03/2021 12:44:17 PM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer”)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
To the writers of the BB, how about this headline:

Governor Abbot Introduces a Bill to Remove the Amendment
Guaranteeing The Right To An Abortion From The U.S. Constitution.

14 posted on 09/03/2021 12:45:46 PM PDT by red-dawg
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

LMAO! Sometimes I read too fast and the Bee gets me good! Let that not lessen truth behind parody.


15 posted on 09/03/2021 12:56:13 PM PDT by shanover (...To disarm the people is the best and most effectual way to enslave them.-S.Adams)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Debbie Woods - Dallas

Bambi Woods was from Debbie Does Dallas.

Good one, Babylon Bee, someone did their homework.

16 posted on 09/03/2021 12:56:51 PM PDT by IllumiNaughtyByNature (The kernel of our firm's job is to go with lots. - tnlibertarian job offer letter)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

In some circles the circumstances cited are not far from the normal.


17 posted on 09/03/2021 12:57:39 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet (Biden not only suffers fools and criminals, he appoints them to positions of responsibility. )
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To: heavy metal

It’s like the Hoover dam in a can.


18 posted on 09/03/2021 1:18:26 PM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you. )
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To: Vaquero

they also have the flex seal tape that supposedly sticks to anything even if it’s wet...


19 posted on 09/03/2021 2:02:37 PM PDT by heavy metal (smiling improves your face value as well as making people wonder what the hell you're up to... 😁)
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To: sauropod

Birth control happens before pregnancy,
abortion can only happen after pregnancy!


20 posted on 09/03/2021 2:06:45 PM PDT by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
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