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330 Million Americans Sue Cardi B For Psychological Damage
Babylon Bee ^ | 03/18/2021 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 03/19/2021 8:44:49 PM PDT by BipolarBob

U.S.—A class-action lawsuit has been filed in federal court against Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion for intense trauma and psychological damages following the pair's Grammys performance last weekend.

Reports of Americans slamming their own heads against blunt objects rose to incomprehensible numbers after the performance last Sunday, with many reporting damages after trying to wash their eyes out with bleach.

While it is unprecedented that an entire country would sue an artist, the court granted an exception due to the uniquely terrible and offensive nature of the song and dance.

"Yeah, we're gonna go ahead and allow this," said the judge. "It's rare that a performance is so bad that an entire nation can be made dumber just due to its having existed, but here we are."

Cruel and unusual punishment is also going to be allowed in this case, as the judge allowed an exception due to the heinous nature of the charges. The plaintiffs' lawyers are seeking financial restitution for damage to their eyesight, mind, and soul, as well as an order for Cardi B to be punished by being forced to watch her own performances.


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; cardib; grammys; losers
Join me in this class action suit. I wasn't in good mental shape BEFORE the performance and now I feel irreparably damaged in some way.
1 posted on 03/19/2021 8:44:49 PM PDT by BipolarBob
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To: BipolarBob

Funny, except did that many people really tune in for what was going to be garbage no matter what?


2 posted on 03/19/2021 8:47:45 PM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion, or satire. Or both.)
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To: BenLurkin

I saw a clip of it. The most out of tune, unmelodius mash of crap ever sung by two ugly fat black chicks


3 posted on 03/19/2021 8:50:12 PM PDT by atc23
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To: BipolarBob

W hat
A
P ig


4 posted on 03/19/2021 8:54:02 PM PDT by windsorknot
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To: BipolarBob

thank god i don’t watch any pop crap


5 posted on 03/19/2021 8:55:08 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; Not Averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: BipolarBob

I just saw the video

Called my psychologist for mental health treatment...


6 posted on 03/19/2021 8:58:29 PM PDT by Vendome (I've Gotta Be Me https://youtu.be/wH-pk2vZG2M)
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To: BipolarBob

What’s really sad is that WAP went to #1 on the Billboard top 40 for like a month straight. SMH


7 posted on 03/19/2021 9:01:24 PM PDT by RC one (When a bunch of commies start telling you that you don't need an AR15, you really need an AR15)
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To: BipolarBob

This is great. I love the Babylon Bee.
Moreoever, this should be/could be a real lawsuit. Sue Cardi B, her record label, her producers, and the Grammy association for intentional infliction of emotional distress.


8 posted on 03/19/2021 9:20:20 PM PDT by monkeyshine (live and let live is dead)
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To: RC one

Cardi B has a video out explaining why women should not eat chili before performing fellatio because of the likelihood that it will lead to sex and thus putting chili and cheese inside the woman. I kid you not.


9 posted on 03/19/2021 9:23:00 PM PDT by monkeyshine (live and let live is dead)
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To: BenLurkin

Reality might actually be as funny as this BB satire.
Only 8 million people watched the Grammys.
The lowest number, by far, in a long time.


10 posted on 03/19/2021 9:48:00 PM PDT by TigersEye (Will the Younger Dryas Impact you? )
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To: RC one

Look at the top selling music on Amazon. A testament to the degeneration of the country. 99.9% disgusting rap.


11 posted on 03/19/2021 10:30:48 PM PDT by Greetings_Puny_Humans (I mostly come out at night... mostly.)
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To: TigersEye

The only good part was Bill Burr butchering the names of the Latino nominees.


12 posted on 03/19/2021 10:41:39 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: atc23
Reminds of that Monty Python sketch about the WWII development of jokes that could make people die laughing.

There's a scene with a roomful of GIs laughing their guts out but still alive because they had only heard the first part of the joke.

13 posted on 03/19/2021 10:46:19 PM PDT by who_would_fardels_bear (This is not a tagline.)
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We should sue “Popular” music ,from 1955-onward, y’know,the dawn of Rock n’ Roll - for this crime!


14 posted on 04/05/2021 3:06:55 PM PDT by PhineasSpear (PhineasSpear)
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