Sorry, I need to vent. My house keeps beeping at me.

Dangus

[dangus]

Oh, sure I hate people who design packages like the inner cereal bag you can't open without using your teeth. Or the tiny little necks on ketchup bottles. Or the erupting juice boxes (why can't I peel off the seal? Why make me apply pressure with the ideal conduit for juice to squirt at my new shirt?)

But no-one deserves to be stuck on a car trip with the Eagles' Love Will Keep Us Alive on endless loop like the bastards who made *every* *single* *appliance* *I* *own* attempt to tell me something with the same high-pitched beep that goes off too frequently to catch naps in between but far too infrequently to be hunted down with any human sense of auditory direction.

Is it my dishwasher? My microwave? My can-opener? My refrigerator?

Seriously, if my fire detector batteries are going bad, I need to know that I might die if I don't replace. I am NOT going to die because I left 13 seconds on the timer on my microwave, unless my lack of sleep causes me to drive my car into a bus filled with 50 innocent school children on their way back from visiting the old folks' home.

After unplugging every device in my house, the beep continues. And kitchen appliances aren't easy to unplug; I had to simply hit the circuit breaker to turn off my stove. WTF!!! Someone designed an internal battery to stay on when the power is off just to remind me that my popcorn finished popping 13 seconds faster than I expected? Or was my dishwasher reminding me that I decided to wait until my wife was finished showering before finishing the dishes? Can't you design a dishwasher that says, "The dishes are not finished being washed." I can even look up what "Shokkiarai ga owatte imasen" means if it comes to that. Where do I look up what "beep ... [nine minutes of silence] ... beep" means?

I need someone to decode these beeps! I finally figured out what was making the beep, after finishing my letter to the Maytag repairman that my washing machine didn't come with a pet bat enclosed. (Is that how everyone else knows what the beeps mean? You all have pet bats or something? Was I not allowed one after the ASPCA found out I was playing a Mariah Carey album so I could laugh at the bats crashing into my shed when ever she hit a high note?)

See, when I bought my house, it came with a security system. I don't have a subscription, but it does tell me whenever someone comes into the house. Yeah, that's right, it tells me "Front door is open" whenever I come home. But six weeks after moving in, it decides to beep to tell me that my subscription ran out six months ago. THE THING LITERALLY COULD SAY "My subscription ran out, you cheap bastard!" And instead, it uses the EXACT SAME NOISE my dishwasher uses to tell me, "Hey idiot... the wife is out of the shower and the rice is starting to fuse to your breakfast bowl."

Electronics engineers, know this. I will find you. I have an old car, an auto-looping cassette player, and a cassette single of Dream Lover. You will pay.

[sheana]

My washer AND dryer plays that tune. I don’t even hear it anymore so it’s useless. Guess I’ve totally ‘tuned’ it out. lol

[dangus]

I think your dog saw the movie, “Babe” and was worried about being replaced by technology.

[21twelve]

Heh. Sometimes I’ll wake up and be a bit startled by a dream or whatever. “Is that a noise I hear?”

But then I notice the dog isn’t barking. “Oh - it’s okay.”

He’ll go out to the window and watch people walking by on the suburbia street. If they end up on our sidewalk he barks a couple of times. The UPS guy - he barks several times.

Our previous dog was an Australian Shepherd. The kids were little, and my wife and the dog would watch them play in the front yard and street. The dog was on a lead, my wife said he was always on alert - just sitting there watching.

I would come home from work. Go over and say hello to the dog and sit down by my wife and watch the kids on our bench in the front yard. The dog would lay down and go to sleep.

I figure with a dog in the house I don’t need an alarm. (Still have the regular smoke detectors).

[Keyhopper]

I work construction. One day at work there was a large crowd of guys standing at the edge of the building laughing hysterically. The guys working on the framing use a spinning laser to set the walls. This laser can spin slow or very fast. Well, as the guys were setting the laser it was spinning very slow. Apparently a cat in the building across the street had discover the little red dot climbing the wall and preceded to completely trash this ladies apartment. Of course when this was discovered the framers decided to continue the game. This cat tore down the drapes and knocked everything off the shelves.