Posted on 01/11/2020 5:55:02 AM PST by metmom
U.S.—Look out, Beyond Meat -- a new competitor has emerged in the market of turning vegetables into a food that tastes just like meat. But while companies like Beyond Meat use laboratories to turn vegetables into something tasty, this new process uses a much more natural method: feeding the vegetables to a cow.
The startup, which goes by the much simpler brand name of “Meat,” came upon this process after using hundreds of millions of venture capital dollars to research how to turn vegetable products into something delicious that could be used as a burger. “Vegetables are ugly and horrible, and no one likes them,” said Meat researcher Winston Sullivan. “We tried everything to make them edible, but nothing worked -- except maybe covering them in ranch dressing. But then we saw this creature, a cow, was eating the vegetables -- because it was so dumb and didn’t know any better or something -- and somehow afterward it became filled with tasty meat. It was amazing.”
Sullivan says they have no idea how the cow turns vegetables into something edible (they suspect witchcraft) but have now obtained many of these creatures so they can feed them inedible vegetables and harvest tasty, tasty meat. The results are already a hit, as restaurants like Five Guys have used the patties made from naturally processed vegetables to huge success.
Meat is now trying to see if the process can be repeated with other animals. They’re currently testing their process on a chicken, though they say that, so far, the results aren’t as good as from the cow unless the product is breaded and fried.
And recycling garbage through pigs to get bacon.
Best of all this new process is organic.
Save Da Erf!
I think the Bee gotcha...
“We tried everything to make them (vegetables) edible, but nothing worked — except maybe covering them in ranch dressing.”
LOL!
Gotta love the Babylon Bee
The BB has rich pasture wherein to create satirical verbiage!
LOL—their headline is PRICELESS!
As the saying goes:
If the Good Lord hadn’t intended for us to eat animals, why did He make them out of meat?
Give me hundreds of millions and I will invent feeding grass to cows. Not only is it much cheaper but the meat is much healthier for you and you do not have to inject the cows with drugs.
Brilliant! Is this listed on the NYSE? This could grow into something someday.
I have a great idea for a solar clothes dryer.
I wonder how I can make some bucks off that?
There was a big cattle feedlot near Anamosa IA that mixed expired date bread, cakes, snacks, and candy, with the usual grains and roughage. They run it through a shredder that opens up the wrappers. Some bits of wrapper would get past the separator proccess, but would just pass through the cattle’s digestive system.
Back around Feb. 2005, I picked up a semi load of reject candy from a Memphis Nestle (I think). When a production line has a breakdown that risks food purity, that portion is scrapped, and sold to brokers. My load had chunks of bubble gum as big as basketballs. I delivered to the place, and was allowed to tour the feedlot setup.
Just a much larger version of what farmers have done forever: give the livestock the kitchen scraps. I did when I farmed.
Just advertise it online, people would send you money! As long as you actually send ‘em one, no problem. LOL.
I like to tell my liberal friends I *have* a solar clothes dryer. They get all happy & excited while I explain it works by combining solar *and* wind power.. It’s hilarious to watch their faces when they realize I’m messing with them.
We have one of those too! It's our clothesline.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.