I've had a body full of stitches, hundreds of stitches and I'm not yet 80, BUT, I do know that I heal much slower today than 40-50-60 years ago...so I care.
No mo stitches.
Thanks for the Sunday morning laugh.
The other day I was driving down the road and accidentally rear ended the car in front of me. The driver got out and came running back to my truck. He was a dwarf. He looked at me and said, “I am NOT happy!”. I said, “Ok, which one are you?”.
My wife was standing in front of the mirror. She said, “I’m old, fat and ugly”, then stared at me. She then said, “You know, you could give me a compliment”. I said, “Ok, your eyesight is perfect”.
LMAO!!! Awesome post - Thanks for the laughs!
When I die I want to go like my 80 year old grandfather peacefully and in my sleep, not screaming and full of terror like the passengers in his car at the time.
Gotta go visit a fella from the Elks Lodge who needs some cheering-up.
My wife asked me if she could get a boob job to make her boobs bigger. I told her all she had to do was rub toilet paper in between her boos twice a day for 6 months and they would get bigger.
After a month she said nothing was happening and it wasn’t working and she asked my what I thought, I said, Hmm it worked on your ass!
You’re a hoot.
Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.
Here’s one more:
A 80 year old guy is out fishing.
He sitting in his boat, by himself, when he hears a voice say, “Pick me up.”
He looks around and doesn’t see anybody around.
He thinks he is dreaming when he hears the voice say again, “Pick me up.”
He looks in the water and there, floating on the top, is a little green frog.
The old man is bewildered. He cant believe his eyes. He says, “Are you talking to me?”
Yes”, the frog says, “Im talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me and Ill turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. Ill make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!”
The man looks at the frog for a short time, reached over, picks up the frog carefully, and places it in his front breast pocket.
The frog says, “What, are you nuts? Didnt you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.”
He opens his pocket, looks at the frog and says, “Nah, at my age Id rather have a talking frog.”
With age comes wisdom.
Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.