Snickers for Seniors

email from old vet/friend | 1/6/2019 | unknown

[sodpoodle]

When you're eighty..............who cares?

I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?" She said, "Yeah, I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you." Cost me 6 stitches...but, When you’re eighty..............who cares?

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please." Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”; I said "Nah... She's pretty good lookin'....." When you’re eighty..............who cares?

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”; I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”; Cost me a fat lip, but... When you’re eighty..............who cares?

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts. "Really," she said, "Go on then... try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday" Cost me a kick in the nuts, but... When you’re eighty...............who cares?

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in When you’re eighty..............who cares? **********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs." The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?" I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now." Cost me 6 more stitches, but... When you’re eighty..............who cares?

[sodpoodle]

A bit naughty - but hey we are all adults;)

[USS Alaska]

Cost me 6 more stitches, but... When you’re eighty..............who cares?

I've had a body full of stitches, hundreds of stitches and I'm not yet 80, BUT, I do know that I heal much slower today than 40-50-60 years ago...so I care.

No mo stitches.

[lucky american]

Thanks for the Sunday morning laugh.

[GeorgiaDawg32]

The other day I was driving down the road and accidentally rear ended the car in front of me. The driver got out and came running back to my truck. He was a dwarf. He looked at me and said, “I am NOT happy!”. I said, “Ok, which one are you?”.

My wife was standing in front of the mirror. She said, “I’m old, fat and ugly”, then stared at me. She then said, “You know, you could give me a compliment”. I said, “Ok, your eyesight is perfect”.

[alfa6]

Some Sunday morning humor for ya

Regards

alfa6 ;>}

[Big Red Badger]

Great Start for the Day!
These jokes left Me in Stitches,

But Who Cares!

[Caipirabob]

LMAO!!! Awesome post - Thanks for the laughs!

[circlecity]

When I die I want to go like my 80 year old grandfather peacefully and in my sleep, not screaming and full of terror like the passengers in his car at the time.

[ptsal]

thanks....
Gotta go visit a fella from the Elks Lodge who needs some cheering-up.

[Gay State Conservative]

Reminds me of a joke that George Burns used to tell when he was in his 90s. He'd be on stage smoking that cigar of his,big grin on his face and he'd say...”Three doctors have told me to quit smoking.Two are dead and the third one isn't feeling too good”.

[Delta 21]

[elcid1970]

I want to live to 110 and be climbing out of a bedroom window only to be shot be a jealous husband.

;^)

[ridesthemiles]

I remember when Burns was in his 90’s & Caesar’s Palace wanted to sign him to a 10 year performance contract.

He turned them down....Said he couldn’t be sure THEY would still be in business in 10 years.

[eyeamok]

My wife asked me if she could get a boob job to make her boobs bigger. I told her all she had to do was rub toilet paper in between her boos twice a day for 6 months and they would get bigger.

After a month she said nothing was happening and it wasn’t working and she asked my what I thought, I said, Hmm it worked on your ass!

[Oldeconomybuyer]

Bump

[moovova]

You’re a hoot.

[trebb]

Thanks!

[outofsalt]

Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes!

[rktman]

LOL! You’re right about that. My most recent stuff has been staples. My back looked like and HO gage railroad. ;-)

[Two Kids' Dad]

Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.