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1 posted on 10/08/2018 1:10:59 PM PDT by sodpoodle
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To: sodpoodle

Blonde Mortician

A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied... You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

‘There’s no charge,’ she says.

‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!’ she says.

‘Honestly,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’

‘So I just switched the heads.’


2 posted on 10/08/2018 1:20:24 PM PDT by Twotone
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To: sodpoodle

Better check with the county clerk. They probably put a lien on the house.


3 posted on 10/08/2018 1:20:48 PM PDT by P-Marlowe (Freep mail me if you want to be on my Fingerstyle Acoustic Guitar Ping List)
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To: sodpoodle

Love ya Sod.......Sac


4 posted on 10/08/2018 1:21:12 PM PDT by Sacajaweau
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To: sodpoodle

You don’t really need double-pane.
What you do need is good frames.


6 posted on 10/08/2018 1:22:23 PM PDT by Berlin_Freeper (alea iacta est)
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To: sodpoodle

Since they’re paid for, now just kick back and watch the money roll in. You’re in the black!


9 posted on 10/08/2018 1:26:29 PM PDT by Free in Texas (Celebrate diversity. Own firearms of every caliber.)
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To: sodpoodle

A man says to this wife, “When I die, I want you to marry Larry.”

The wife responds, “Larry? But you hate Larry, he’s your worst enemy.”

To which the husband responds, “Yes! And I want him to suffer as I have suffered!”


11 posted on 10/08/2018 1:33:43 PM PDT by Sergio (An object at rest cannot be stopped! - The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight)
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To: sodpoodle

Woman - “It’s finished!”

Man - “What, the beer?!?!”

Woman - “No! Our relationship.”

Man - “What a relief, you had me scared for a moment.”


15 posted on 10/08/2018 1:53:28 PM PDT by Sergio (An object at rest cannot be stopped! - The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight)
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To: sodpoodle

An elderly Norwegian woman, Inga Swenson, was working in her garden on a hot summer day. Although not a frequent beer drinker, she thought a cold beer would hit the spot after all that work in the sun.

After cleaning up, she walks into the village to the town’s pub. The bartender, Ole, is surprised to see Inga. She’s never been in before.

“And what will you have?” asks Ole

“Oh, I tink a beer vuld be nice, Ole”, replies Inga

Sensing Inga does not know what beer she wants, he goes basic “Anheuser-Busch, Inga??”

“Oh it’s fine tanks, Ole. And how’s your veeener?” replies Inga


20 posted on 10/08/2018 2:16:33 PM PDT by llevrok (Vote while it's still legal.)
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To: sodpoodle

Shirley, an elderly nursing home resident, got her jollies by bursting into male residents’ rooms, throwing open her robe, and yelling “Super Sex!!”

Her naked form and loud exclamation always shocked the men, and she delighted in their surprise.

However, one day, upon executing her routine, a male resident hardly responded at all.

Slowly looking up from his paper, then back down to it, he casually replied “Oh, I guess I’ll have the soup.”


21 posted on 10/08/2018 2:21:07 PM PDT by ConservativeWarrior (Fall down 7 times, stand up 8. - Japanese proverb)
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To: sodpoodle

If I say something when I’m in the forest and my wife doesn’t hear me, am I still wrong?


25 posted on 10/08/2018 2:48:19 PM PDT by blam
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To: sodpoodle
A cute story but I call BS on it.

1. It certainly happens that a fast talking salesman can lay a line on a gullible mark to net a big sale. Happens every day somewhere for something. My favorite that I have come across a couple of times is a salesman selling to a customer a 2 year supply of an expensive specialty chemical that has a 6 month shelf life. The salesman pockets a big commission then quits and goes to work somewhere else effectively disappearing. His old employer is left holding the bag for compensating the gullible customer that didn't do his homework.

2. Let's say that the full house of windows was replaced at $10,000. It actually could be lots more depending on how many windows and whether they are low cost builders grade or expensive high end. The story says he didn't pay the bill. Well he financed the window job then so that means he is either has financing through a bank via Visa, MasterCard kind of way or HD card, which is via a bank. The bank is going after the homeowner via judgment, lien and garnishment kinds of options. Not fun. Pay me now or pay me later. HD I think also has a project loan that is HD direct financed. Ditto the judgment, lien and garnishment comment above.

3. HD and Lowes kinds of companies do many hundreds of millions of dollars of installations per year. Their installation contracts do not have loopholes. They are not here today gone tomorrow kinds of companies and there is no profit in screwing someone as the story describes. However the world is not perfect and if there were provable shady dealings involved their self interest would probably weigh to some sort of settlement. If this is a high jack then I suspect they would legally come at the home owner and give him a world of financial hurt and possibly criminal extortion claims if they get really teed off at the purchaser.

26 posted on 10/08/2018 3:45:09 PM PDT by Hootowl99
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