Posted on 09/19/2015 7:43:04 AM PDT by llevrok
Well, since FR is a political forum...I’ll bring politics into this...
Rrrrrr....
As me Pirates lost last night in LA, and things aren’t looking too good right now for the playoffs...I find this thread to be a microaggression, a dog whistle, and a trigger.
I might have to be lawyering up!!!
Rrrrrr...
(And that is ALL sarcasm, #LetsGoBucs!)
Talk about posting without reading the original article. :)
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
“What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I be fine.”
The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “I was in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit me leg but the surgeon done fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We be in another battle and boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and me hand was cut off. But the surgeon fixed me right up with this hook, and I be feelin’ great, really.”
“Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
“Ah, yes,” says the pirate, “Well one day when we were at sea, some gulls were flying over me ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in me eye.”
“So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird crap!”
“Well,” says the pirate, “You see I really wasn’t used to me hook yet.”
What has 4 eyes 4 arms and 4 legs?
4 pirates!
AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! - times two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - - - - - - - - - - - Ahoy Ye Landlubbers!!!!!!! - Cap’n Twinkie
One thing I like about the game Minecraft, you can even set the language to “Piratespeak.” B-)
Stolen from Bill Engvall (Blue Comedy Tour)
The first mate is attending to the ship’s captian who has been wounded in the fight.
The first mate says “Captian, you were very brave durring the battle! You kept on fighting even though you were wounded and bleeding. You spurred the men to victory!”
The captian replies” Yes I thought it through carefully before the battle. I wore my red shirt so that if I was wounded, the red color of any blood would blend in to the red color of my shirt and the men would continue to fight!!”
The first mate says “Captian, that was brilliant!!”
At that moment, the second mate burts in to the captian’s quarters and proclaims: “Captian, we have five enemy ships approaching us from the west!!”
The captian thinks for a moment, leans over to the first mate and whispers:”Bring me my brown pants....”
My dad (who was wearing an eye patch after a minor procedure) and I were in Wally world one day and we pass by a kid and his mom. The kid in that voice kids use for questions, the one that can be heard a football field away, exclaims: “MOM! WHY IS THAT MAN WEARING AN EYE PATCH???” Mom is all like, “shhh shhh shhhh!”
Dad and I, poker-faced, keep walking towards them.
As we pass, I lean over to the kid and stage whisper, “He’s a retired pirate, arrr!”
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a pirate captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by an English ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”. The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were victorious.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two more English vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the pirate captain remained calm and bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!”. The battle was on, and once again the pirate captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the pirates sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when one of them looked to the Captain and asked, “Captain, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?”. The Captain, giving the sailor a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I be wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid”. The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were more English ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!!
Oh my gosh, I am laughing so hard from all these posts. They are all so funny. Keep it up, we sure need to break.
ping
Dang! I was gonna post that.
I heard Dave Allen tell that one about 40 years ago.
Hate to pile on, but you’re facing Kershaw tonight.
Pi what squared,,
??
Arrrrrgh,,
I don’t get it !
really,
a little help ya scurvy dog !
To calculate the area of a circle, the equation is pi R (radius) squared.
So...pi “Arrr” squared.
Got it?
Aye Matey!
as plain as the nose on My Face!
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