[Lucky9teen]

How the media would handle the end of the world

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD.
Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets as World Ends.
National Enquirer: O.J. and Nicole, Together Again.
Inc. Magazine: 10 Ways You Can Profit From the Apocalypse.
Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour.
Sports Illustrated: Game Over.
Playboy: Girls of the Apocalypse.
Lady's Home Journal: Lose 10 Pounds by Judgment Day with Our New "Armageddon" Diet!
TV Guide: Death and Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar!
Discover Magazine: How will the extinction of all life as we know it affect the way we view the cosmos?
Microsoft Systems Journal: Internet Explorer Loses Market Share.

Microsoft's Web Site: If you don't experience the rapture, DOWNLOAD software patch RAPT777.EXE.
FaceBook: Unable to post. Try again in 15 minutes.

[Pan_Yan]

Hi!

[Malone LaVeigh]

Holy cr@p!!! top 10!!!

[Lucky9teen]

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REPORTING
FOR



CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST

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[King Moonracer]

In early

[RandallFlagg]

Top TEN!

[glock rocks]

top 10?

[Currentriverrat]

WOOOOO HOOOOO TGIF!!!

[Disambiguator]

Good morning! Top 15!

[bray]

Sometimes it makes you think Mussolini was right, the only thing reporters are good for is decorating lampposts.

Pray for America to Wake Up

[ArGee]

Bottom 215!!!

How can you report on Obama when you don’t know s@!#? LOL

[dayglored]

Top 15???

[foundedonpurpose]

An elderly woman visits her doctor and complains of her symptoms saying, “Doctor you’ve got to help me. I have a most embarrassing problem with persistent ‘silent gas’. It happens all the time. Whether I’m at home, in a restaurant, or out shopping with the ladies. I’ve tried everything and just can’t stop it. In fact I’ve even just done it here three times. Do you think you can help me?”

The doctor nods assuringly and responds, “I think I can definitely help you with that. But first, let’s check your hearing.”

[JRios1968]

STWIWTGO!!!

[foundedonpurpose]

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.

A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, with a half-
burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car and a “Remember 9-11”
sloganspray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.

Suddenly they yelled, “Praise Allah” and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, “Man...that could have been me !”

So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

[foundedonpurpose]

After closing time at the bar, an Irish drunk was proudly showing off his
apartment to a couple of his friends.

He led the way to his bedroom wherethere was a big brass gong and a mallet.

‘What’s with that big brass gong?’ one of the guests asked.

‘It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,’ the drunk replied.

‘A talking clock? Seriously?’ asked his astonished friend.

‘YUP, it is’ replied the drunk.

‘How’s it work?’ the friend asked, squinting at it.

‘Watch,’ the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an
ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.......

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,

‘You ***! It’s THREE-FIFTEEN in the MORNING!’

[foundedonpurpose]

I was in Ft. Myers, Florida the other day and I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that
read: “I miss Chicago.”

So, I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read, “I hope this helps!”

[foundedonpurpose]

Participating in a gun “buy back” because
you believe that the criminals have too many guns is like having yourself
castrated because you believe that the neighbors have too many kids.

[Liberty Valance]

[foundedonpurpose]

BIOLOGY EXAM:
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.’ The
question
was worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, in
particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he
wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity
against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is
inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is
always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in
desperation, just before the
bell rang indicating the end of the test, he
wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off
the groundwhere the cat can’t get it.

He got an A

[foundedonpurpose]

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I’VE
ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:

‘I’ve got problems. Every time
I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’

‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’

‘How much do you charge?’

‘Eighty dollars per visit,’ replied the doctor.

‘I’ll sleep on it,’ I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. ‘Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?’ he asked.

‘Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new “pickup!’

‘Is that so!’ With a bit of an attitude he said, ‘and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure
you?’

‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain’t nobody under there now!