5 Reasons Cats Are Inferior to Dogs in Every Way

Pajamas Media ^ | 02/25/2013 | John Hawkins

[SeekAndFind]

Are cats really the Honey Boo Boo of the animal world? No, Honey Boo Boo is the Honey Boo Boo of the animal world, while cats are more like the Lindsay Lohan of the animal world — difficult, unpredictable, hard to like, and probably high on catnip. Oh, cats look cute when they’re in the bobblehead kitten stage or swatting away at yarn, but as you get to know the little beasts, you start to realize that they’re merely trying to lull you into complacency so they can steal your breath after you fall asleep. An old wives’ tale? Well, is it just an old wives’ tale that if a cop beats a hippy with his nightstick then he’ll have good luck for seven years? I think not. On the other hand, dogs are superior to cats in every way and if you don’t agree, well then, good luck with your empty life without a soul.

1) Dogs are much smarter than cats.

Can you teach a cat to sit? To roll over? To come when it’s called? No, because cats are stupid. Granted, dogs are stupid, too, but they’re probably on the same level as your two year old. A cat is closer in intelligence to a geranium — if a geranium had claws and a certain feral cunning it could use to track, torment, and kill smaller plants for its own amusement. Is that what you’d want for a plant you loved? To be at the mercy of a hateful geranium? You cat people are just sick! Sick!

2) Your dog loves you. Your cat couldn’t care less if you were murdered by clowns.

You don’t have to guess whether a dog is happy to see you or not because every time you come home, he dances around the room, jumps in circles, wags his tail, and generally acts like you would if you won the lottery, gained super powers, and cured cancer all at the same time. Meanwhile, cats skulk around the house, hide from you, and like to sit out of reach, preferably somewhere in the kitchen where their fur can fall in your food. Ironically, the general indifference of cats is what makes them charming to some people. “Ooooh, I know I’m just about to win kitty over with this bowl of milk, his favorite toy, and a scratching post and….kitty, no, don’t pee on that, kitty, no! Oooh, I have to try harder to get kitty to like me!”

3) Dogs are better pets.

Dogs have spent thousands of years earning the title “man’s best friend” while cats spent that time perfecting the art of spitting up hairballs. Your dog would rather sleep outside on the ground with you than inside a warm, comfortable house. Your cat is kind of hoping you’ll die so he can eat you. Dogs use the bathroom outside. Cats stink up your house by insisting on using a litter box. Dogs are renowned for their loyalty. Cats are mainly known for murdering small animals and dropping them in front of their owners in an attempt to horrify and intimidate them. The very fact that dogs chase cats is actually proof that they’re concerned about the welfare of human beings and are trying to stop them from getting cat cooties.

4) Dogs are happy and fun while cats are generally annoying.

Sure, cats are cute when they play with toys, but so are dogs. Of course, dogs also don’t generally scatter the contents of their litter box across the floor, scratch you until they draw blood for random reasons, and generally get in the way of whatever you’re doing. On the other hand, you pick up a paper and the cat lies on it. Try to go to sleep and the cat walks on your face. Walk down the stairs and the cat runs between your legs. Dogs want to be your pal, while your cat will only tolerate you because you feed it and because secretly, it wants to work with a coven of other felines to turn you into a crazy cat lady.

5) Cats would murder you if they could.

Dogs are friendly animals that view human beings not so much as their servants or masters, but as part of their pack. They love and accept people as their friends, their equals, and their brothers in the animal kingdom. On the other hand, cat lovers should be honest enough to admit the truth: Your cat would eat you and everyone you love if it could. Worse yet, it would toy with you, enjoying your suffering and fear — as it bats you around with its claws before it grows tired of your mournful cries and engineers your grisly demise with its razor-sharp teeth. Remember that the next time you are giving your little snoogums a kiss before night night.

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Related at PJ Lifestyle from John Hawkins:

5 Things My Dogs Taught Me About Human Beings

[married21]

“In contrast, cats give their owners (somewhere around 80% infection rate) brain parasites causing schizophrenia-like symptoms.”

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I have read about this. I am honestly scared that my son will develop schizophrenia, like my brother did. But there is nothing that can be done about it. My kids were playing in sand boxes frequented by stray cats when they were little. Now we have a cat that is a rescued animal, so no telling what it is carrying. On the other hand, there are so many cat owners in the world, yet fairly few cases of schizophrenia, so most people seem to get the t. gondii without the mental illness. I think in the coming years we will learn a lot more about the bugs that hitch a ride on humans, and how they become either docile or dangerous.

[MarkL]

If I had room, I’d adopt as many as I could adequately care for; I miss ‘em all terribly.

If I could physically handle it, I'd adopt 1 or more kitties in a heartbeat! But I'm just too weak and tired when I get home from work to clean the cat box, play with the cat, and then feed the little critter before I collapse.

I grew up with cats in the family, and really love them. Back before Christmas, a friend went on a 2 week vacation, so I adopted her sweet little girl (named "Sugar") and had her at my home for those 2 weeks. I realized just how much was missing from my life without a pet. But it got harder and harder every day, to the point where I simply couldn't handle the work each day, and wouldn't have been able to keep caring for her. But I miss her so badly.

Mark

[Carriage Hill]

I could easily physically handle the care and feeding and love, but their claws (won’t get them declawed due to brutal surgery) do so much damage, it’s daunting. After 58yrs with cats, I’m lost without one or more.

Losing my Mother, Family Business, 3 long-time cats, I just can’t take the ***losses*** anymore, at 63. Tears me up, badly.

Getting so attached to the cats is what’s holding me back. I’ll have to work thru it, somehow, or just do without. I’m torn 15 different ways, dammit.

[MarkL]

I could easily physically handle the care and feeding and love, but their claws (won’t get them declawed due to brutal surgery) do so much damage,

I lucked out, in that Sugar (a rescue cat who was already declawed, all 4 paws!) didn't have claws. With a colostomy pouch, I'm extremely scared of what could happen with a happy cat who kneads while being petted on my lap.

Losing my Mother, Family Business, 3 long-time cats, I just can’t take the ***losses*** anymore, at 63. Tears me up, badly.

Getting so attached to the cats is what’s holding me back. I’ll have to work thru it, somehow, or just do without. I’m torn 15 different ways, dammit.

I'm so terribly sorry for all your losses, and it seems incredibly unfair that our furry friends have so much love they give us, and yet we lose them after such a short time. Frankly, another reason I refuse to make the commitment of a pet is that with my health issues, I can't say for sure that I'll be around for that pet's entire life... I was just recently hospitalized and nearly died (my blood thinner levels went bonkers and I started to bleed internally). I'd rather do without than take a chance of being unable to keep my commitment to a pet.

I fully understand how hard it is to deal with the loss of a beloved family member, even if it is "just an animal." Like I said, I only had Sugar for just over 2 weeks, I cried and my heart just ached for her, even though she's only across town. When you have a pet for years, I know how devastating it is to lose him or her.

Prayers and wishes that all in your life will get better for you, sooner rather than later!

Mark