Day Three of May 21 Apocalypse Disasters, Area Retailers to Sell Rapture Kits

benningtonvalepress ^

[traumer]

SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- The plagues of the End Times have shown no signs of relenting since Wednesday. This morning, a new series of Judgment Day horrors swept the world, affecting the United States, China, Spain, and Pakistan. Family Stations’ doom prophet, Harold Camping, called the developments “awesome news!”

He also went on to say, “Judgment Day is feared by the world and is the day that God will destroy the world because of the sins of mankind. There’s no greater expression of the Lord’s undying love than tearing apart billions of men, women, and children through a series of excruciating terrors, drawn out over a five-month period of ongoing torture. As warrior angels descend from the heavens to feast on the entrails of your babies, take comfort in knowing that after their bones have been picked clean, and their screams of anguish have turned to gurgles of blood and despair, a better life awaits them.”

To help mitigate some of the impact, Bennington Vale retailers have today begun selling Rapture Kits across San Narciso County.

Friday’s Wrath of God Friday was particularly eventful in terms of death and destruction, according to Family Stations representatives.

“It’s exciting to see how each day gets progressively worse,” one spokesperson told reporters. “Google couldn’t even get Blogger working for two days. Obviously, God’s beginning to bring down the blasphemous media to clear the airwaves for Harold Camping’s instruction.”

Friday’s recipients of the Lord’s lovingly vengeful affection span four countries.

[right way right]

Heres your kit.

16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[f] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.

[Texas Fossil]

No Man Knows the Hour or the Day

If a man says he does, he is lying.

[rob777]

"There’s no greater expression of the Lord’s undying love than tearing apart billions of men, women, and children through a series of excruciating terrors, drawn out over a five-month period of ongoing torture. As warrior angels descend from the heavens to feast on the entrails of your babies, take comfort in knowing that after their bones have been picked clean, and their screams of anguish have turned to gurgles of blood and despair, a better life awaits them."


This guy is seriously in need of some major help.

[traumer]

sorry about this 2nd thread.... it somehow happened

[rob777]

“All stories are works of satire and parody”


Thanks, I usually do a more thorough job of reading an article before replying.