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I’m home. I feel somewhat better than I did earlier....I wanted to just come home and let it all out and just weep. But I don’t have it in me to do it. I almost feel....cheated. I felt like I needed that release and it’s just not there now.

This sort of epic, awful episode has become a more frequent thing in recent years. I think there are much more severe issues on one side of my family (which never get talked about, btw) than I have had so far. Still, I think I know where I get it.

I’ll post some more tommorrow maybe. Right now I feel very....adrift. Numb. It’s a stage I tend to go through during these wonderful little mental road trips I take occasionally. I think what it amounts to is I have hurt so much that I can’t hurt anymore. Probably a subconscious defense mechanism or some such.

I did take one bit of advice and visited the health food store. We’ll see if some better nutrition might not help.

It was mentioned earlier that it might be Hollywood or the media that creates some sort of expectation that our lives are supposed to have some sort of deep lasting meaning on the world around us.

And we think the people we read about, the celebrities, or heroes, or these public persons are somehow living more meaningful lives. And yet, how often do we then read of scandals or other problems - financial, physical, emotional or otherwise?

There likely is really no correct answer that can apply for everyone.

People find comfort and meaning in so many different things, so I would imagine that there is something out there for you, just keep looking.

As for me, in my mid 40's, I realized that I was never going to achieve the things that I thought I ought to have achieved. And I noticed the world around me was quite a bit more messed up than I had ever noticed before. This was just a few years ago, and the political landscape made me wonder how my beliefs became so far from the mainstream.

So now, I do feel like an outsider in many ways, but I'm no longer seeking to make any sort of impact in my community or beyond.

Essentially, I simply enjoy the fact that I have good health and a few of this worlds blessings. My biggest ambition now is to retire to the beach some day, so I can wear shorts and sandals every day. Some ambition, huh?

James-

I scanned thru about half of these posts and see that you have several dozen of good suggestions. My personal take after reading your “About Page” is that your basics are already very good. I have been in similar situations, but I am not you, so these are just for your consideration:
1. Get down and ask God for guidance, be sincere!
2. Count your blessings - write them down if necessary. You are a Christian, young, well-educated, have a professional job, and so on (many don’t even have that)!
3. If you neeed professional help, get it, but shy away from drugs, those might enslave you in a drug-induced haze.
4. By all means get a dog or other pet that you can interact with (I talk to my dog now instead of the TV!)
5. You can still date without having casual sex, and do listen to what your date has to say instead of bemoaning your own problems. Many girls would like that a lot.
6. Take pride in your work, look forward to each new day and value the companionship of your co-workers. (This is very important as it gives you a daily purpose - many people nowadays don’t have that option.)

That’s enough for now, so get with it and good luck!

I also read with interest the comments regarding nutrition and vitamin supplements, and will head to the health food store to check them out as soon as I kick this stupid flu. I have a feeling that the funk my DH gets into occasionally has a more nutritional basis than a mental basis, so we’ll see.

So, James, you had an effect on me today, totally unexpected because you happened to ask for help on FR on a day I happened to be home from work sick, and saw the thread. Otherwise, I would have missed it completely. Because of the wonderful posters here who gave their advice and prayers, I received some help I hadn’t really realized I needed.

My point is that you may never know the impact you have on people, just in everyday ordinary life. There may be no bells and whistles, no news stories, just a small smile on the face of a stranger as they pass you on the street that you might not even see.

I do wonder a bit at the comment that you seem to not feel the release you had expected by letting this all out. I just hope that you weren’t really wanting to see nothing but comments to “Gut it out, you wuss” and let those comments reinforce how worthless you feel about your life.

Man, this sounds preachy, and I didn’t intend it to be that way. Just a mom worrying, I guess. You are just a little younger than my kids, and I’m sorry you are feeling adrift. Just remember, no one can ‘give’ you happiness. It’s a gift you can only give yourself.

Oh, one more thing, kittens love curling up in your lap when you are on the computer. Nothing better than some purring therapy when I’m feeling down.

God bless you. If I have any advice, it is, if your life seems empty, fill it. If you feel like you do nothing good or make no difference, go seek out something good that needs doing. Join a civic organization- there are a lot of good causes that need a hand. I think all of us have had days where we wonder what the point is to our existence. Those are days when we forget that the Almighty does have a purpose for us. It may not seem like it sometimes, and it may not always be obvious- everyone’s ministry is not in the pulpit. Nonetheless, those who are His children do His work, even in some small way, even you, and even if you are not aware of it. Take comfort in that fact, and I hope you find some solace.