Better in than out: African country set to make breaking wind a crime

Daily Mail UK ^ | January 28, 2011 | Colin Fernandez

[rightwingintelligentsia]

Breaking wind is set to be made a crime in an African country.

The government of Malawi plan to punish persistent offenders 'who foul the air' in a bid to 'mould responsible and disciplined citizens.'

But locals fear that pinning responsibility on the crime will be difficult - and may lead to miscarriages of justice as 'criminals' attempt to blame others for their offence.

One Malawian told the website Africanews.com: 'My goodness. What happens in a public place where a group is gathered. Do they lock up half a minibus? 'And how about at meetings where it is difficult to pinpoint 'culprits'?

[rightwingcrazy]

He who smelt it dealt it.

[MeganC]

Farting will be a crime? Can’t wait to see the reports of exploding Muslims.

[manic4organic]

I’m soooo guilty.

[JoanneSD]

Better to bear the shame, then bear the pain

[miss marmelstein]

I guess in Africa, THAT is no longer a compliment!

[TexasPatriot1]

I want to know how they can tell someone ‘broke wind’ to begin with.

[illiac]

God help mother nature....

[Question Liberal Authority]

I looked up Malawi cuisine on the internet and found this. As I suspected, their diet is mostly plant-based. So, when PeTa finally takes over the USA, we can expect to see laws like this passed over here.

"All over Malawi, the meal is composed of two main dishes: the starch (Nsima) and the relish (Ndiwo). While the recipe for starch is mostly the same all over Malawi, the relish is very different from region to region. In the east of Malawi, it is made mostly from vegetables, as meat is expensive and most people can’t afford it. The basic ingredients in this region are rice and foutou (massed plantain and cassava) and fufu (fermented cassava). A variety of local ingredients are used while preparing other dishes like spinach stew, cooked with tomato, peepers, chillies, onions and Peanut butter. cassava (manioc) plants are also consumed as green salad. A traditional recipe for the basic vegetable Ndiwo includes Onion, tomatoes and green vegetables, especially cassava. "

[RightGeek]

I hope all those iPhone iF*rt apps are banned too, otherwise things could get real exciting

[RightGeek]

I would also suggest a network of citizen crime reporting buttons:

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

“He who smelt it dealt it.”

He who denied it supplied it.

[TN4Liberty]

Discipline, etc... silly reasons to ban flatulence. Now stopping global warming... that is a REAL reason to stop it.

[oldasrocks]

Whats the penalty? A butt plug?

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

When farting is outlawed, only outlaws will fart.

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

Maybe we can set up a company that sells methane offsets.

[MichiganCheese]

The dog did it.

[Rebelbase]

You’d better cancel your trip.

[Constitution Day]

“He who smelt it dealt it.”
“He who denied it supplied it.”

He who deduced it, produced it.

[Constitution Day]

Why isn't this "Breaking Wind" story in Breaking News?!