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The 15 Creepiest Vintage Ads Of All Time
Retro Comedy ^ | Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Posted on 07/31/2009 6:30:47 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666

What do murder, pedophilia, suicide and a baby tiger have in common? They have all been used to sell stuff in these amazingly disturbing vintage ads!

These are real, untouched advertisements from the good old days. It doesn't matter if it's lovely ladies or adorable clowns, somehow these old-time ad wizards found ways to traumatize us while pedaling everyday products.

Enjoy them now, call your therapist later!


15. White Bread Demon
"Bread is swell, but what I'm really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!"


14. French Suicide Sausage
It's enough to make you want to eat Kosher forever.


13. A Girl Around The House
It's nice to have a girl around the house... especially if you are a psychopath serial killer who makes women into rugs!



12. Chubby
Who needs self-esteem when you can have a free fashion book for chubbies? Also, proving that advertising weight representation has always been screwed up, the girl pictured is totally not chubby.


11. Christmas Weapons
The family that guns together, has funs together.



10. Eye patch. Shirt. Baby Tiger.
Sexy?


9. Chase & Sandborn Spanking
She totally deserves it. Seriously, what kind of woman doesn't "store test" for fresher coffee?


8. Fry's Chocolate Nightmare
Nothing wants to make consumers buy chocolate more than 5 faces of a sickly kid looking 5 different shades of miserable.


7. Root Beer Baby!
Mama, please DO NOT give your baby another glass of Root Beer. It is clearly doing something horrible to him. He is terrifying.



6. Locked Out
You better wash out your privates with Lysol, or your husband will install cartoon locks on the door.


5. Pears Soap Disaster
"Pears Soap- now with such a soothing lather, you won't notice that your baby has gotten into a horrible accident!"


4. Postage Meter Murder
"Is it always illegal to kill a woman?" This is a truly important question and makes us want to buy a new postage meter.


3. Shave Yourself
The old man baby's gonna sing karaoke into a razor! Hooray!


2. Baby Soft
JonBenét Ramsey, eat your heart out. (Too soon?) This ad makes us want to scream, gouge out our eyes and then barf.


1. Chocolate Poulain
Drink that cocoa, or this clown will murder you in your sleep.


Special thanks to Weirdomatic, Livejournal & the fabulous Plan 59 !



TOPICS: History; Humor; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: ads; advertising; creepy; disturbing; old; strange
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

Excellent!


141 posted on 07/31/2009 8:22:24 AM PDT by Lancey Howard
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To: Constitution Day
I am a BIG fan of Plan 59!

Personally, I always liked Plan 9, but that was from Outer Space, so it may not count ;D

142 posted on 07/31/2009 8:22:24 AM PDT by ssaftler (OBAMA: One Big Ass Mistake America)
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To: Red in Blue PA

I love the vintage kitchen stuff in it. A man must have written this one, LOL.


143 posted on 07/31/2009 8:22:27 AM PDT by Marysecretary (GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL!)
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To: Red in Blue PA

Ah, love those old cosmetic ads of that era.


144 posted on 07/31/2009 8:23:30 AM PDT by Marysecretary (GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL!)
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To: Marysecretary; All

145 posted on 07/31/2009 8:24:08 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: Red in Blue PA

I just paid $5.99 for a lipstick and that was cheap. Oh, for the good old days.


146 posted on 07/31/2009 8:24:16 AM PDT by Marysecretary (GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL!)
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To: Red in Blue PA; All

147 posted on 07/31/2009 8:24:45 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: Red in Blue PA

Thanks, Red! (I DO love tomato soup...)


148 posted on 07/31/2009 8:25:16 AM PDT by Marysecretary (GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL!)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

I remember a magazine ad for a wine (wish I could remember which brand) where a guy in the ad is quoted as saying, “Whenever I see somebody else enjoying (that wine) I always beep my horn and wave.”


149 posted on 07/31/2009 8:25:27 AM PDT by Lancey Howard
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To: Red in Blue PA

Oooh, nice earrings. Where are you finding these ads?


150 posted on 07/31/2009 8:26:30 AM PDT by Marysecretary (GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL!)
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To: xsmommy

Yes. Yes it is.

Were you expecting Mr. Clean? ;-)


151 posted on 07/31/2009 8:27:34 AM PDT by SoothingDave
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To: GOPJ

I’m a Christian too and I love old advertising. I’ll take it over the modern crap any day of the week. Some of it was funny, some wasn’t.


152 posted on 07/31/2009 8:28:04 AM PDT by Marysecretary (GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL!)
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To: Marysecretary

153 posted on 07/31/2009 8:28:14 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

Everytime I clink on this thread I get a request to download a cookie from my.barackobama.com and www.funckr.com.


154 posted on 07/31/2009 8:28:42 AM PDT by Varda
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To: GulfBreeze

ROFL!!!


155 posted on 07/31/2009 8:29:34 AM PDT by Sudetenland (Without God there is no freedom, for what rights man can give, he can take away.)
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To: Marysecretary; All

156 posted on 07/31/2009 8:29:34 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: Sudetenland

Getting a little reminiscent for the ‘good ol’ days’ are ya? Wishing you had a wife that greeted you at the door with a drink, while wearing pearls, high heels, and a fancy dress?

Why not kick it old school and go back to the days when women had no vote and were considered chattel of men? I mean, if we want to go into the way back machine, let’s do this thing.

How amazing that it’s generally men that pine for the good ol’ days and we women just kind of smile and chuckle at your silliness.


157 posted on 07/31/2009 8:29:44 AM PDT by SoftballMominVA
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To: Sudetenland

Getting a little reminiscent for the ‘good ol’ days’ are ya? Wishing you had a wife that greeted you at the door with a drink, while wearing pearls, high heels, and a fancy dress?

Why not kick it old school and go back to the days when women had no vote and were considered chattel of men? I mean, if we want to go into the way back machine, let’s do this thing.

How amazing that it’s generally men that pine for the good ol’ days and we women just kind of smile and chuckle at your silliness.


158 posted on 07/31/2009 8:29:46 AM PDT by SoftballMominVA
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To: Red in Blue PA

I actually think that one is sort of cool. That one could be rerun today as is- or add a few pictures from the 70’s- in Maxim, GQ or any other men’s magazine.


159 posted on 07/31/2009 8:29:54 AM PDT by retrokitten (I want to rock your gypsy soul just like way back in the days of old...- Into the Mystic)
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To: B-Chan

Where did you ever find these? Now these ARE creepy ads.


160 posted on 07/31/2009 8:30:14 AM PDT by Marysecretary (GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL!)
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