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Post some good jokes

Posted on 03/29/2009 7:41:27 PM PDT by A_cool_guy

I know some jokes, but I don't know any good political jokes!! Could everyone post some good jokes here?

Thanks,

A_cool_guy


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: comicrelief; freepun; humor; jokes; molassesmiasma; monkeyface; monkeyfacerules; penguinhumor; sionnsar; trolltimer; undeadthreadapril; zot; zotemifyougotem; zotthenewbie
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To: NicknamedBob

No response from LoM?


581 posted on 04/03/2009 6:09:47 PM PDT by sionnsar (Iran Azadi | 5yst3m 0wn3d - it's N0t Y0ur5 (SONY) | "Also sprach Telethustra" - NonValueAdded)
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To: A_cool_guy

If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, repeat the following phrase three times in
succession when symptoms occur:

“My financial and personal well being are totally in the hands of Barrack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid,
Nancy Pelosi, Hilary Clinton, Tim Geithner, Rahm Emmanuel, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, and Al Gore”

If that doesn’t scare the crap out of you, then you are probably destined to be full of it for the rest of your life.

Regards,


582 posted on 04/03/2009 6:10:04 PM PDT by Gone_Postal ("Men who say it cannot be done, should not interupt those doing it.")
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To: A_cool_guy

New Orleans Crabs...

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and
asked a blonde, female crew member to
Take care of the box for him. She took the box and promised to put it in
the crew’s refrigerator.

He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible
for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he
Was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she
let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was very annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to
the entire cabin, “Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New
Orleans, please raise your hand?”

Not one hand went up ... So she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Men never learn.
2. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most men think.


583 posted on 04/03/2009 6:10:26 PM PDT by Gone_Postal ("Men who say it cannot be done, should not interupt those doing it.")
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To: A_cool_guy

letter to my bank
Dear Sirs:
One of my checks was returned marked “insufficient funds”. In view of current events in the banking business, does that refer to me or to you?


584 posted on 04/03/2009 6:11:09 PM PDT by Gone_Postal ("Men who say it cannot be done, should not interupt those doing it.")
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To: A_cool_guy

Father O’Malley, an Irish priest from County Cork in Ireland, was transferred to Texas. Father O’Malley rose from his bed on the first morning in his new Texas mission parish house. He walked to the window of his bedroom to take a deep breath and a get view of the beautiful spring day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:

‘Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?’

‘And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Anne’s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads to take care of the matter?’

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, ‘Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!’

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O’Malley then replied: ‘Aye, ‘tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to first notify the next of kin.’


585 posted on 04/03/2009 6:11:48 PM PDT by Gone_Postal ("Men who say it cannot be done, should not interupt those doing it.")
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To: Gone_Postal
blonde, female

Redundant, but I suppose necessary even for some FReepers.

586 posted on 04/03/2009 6:20:10 PM PDT by sionnsar (Iran Azadi | 5yst3m 0wn3d - it's N0t Y0ur5 (SONY) | "Also sprach Telethustra" - NonValueAdded)
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To: Gone_Postal

LOL!


587 posted on 04/03/2009 6:20:54 PM PDT by sionnsar (Iran Azadi | 5yst3m 0wn3d - it's N0t Y0ur5 (SONY) | "Also sprach Telethustra" - NonValueAdded)
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To: sionnsar
"No response from LoM?"

I wasn't referring to that, but ... no.

By the way, I picked up my copy of Mark Levin's book, "Liberty and Tyranny". I have it right .. here .. beside .. me.

Also on the list, "Angels and Ages" by Adam Gopnik.

588 posted on 04/03/2009 6:43:03 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (Panicked at seeing Scarecrow twitching and shaking, Dorothy unplugs the teleprompter. "Uh, um, er .")
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To: NicknamedBob
I pulled out on old copy of "Atlas Shrugged" after my last trip wherein I learned my colleague traveling with me (he was driving) was listening to the audio book. There is an awful lot I'd forgotten, but for all it's so different from the situation today it's still a bit of a downer.

A nearby company that built or moved into a number of buildings around us is clearly on down times because there's plenty of parking again, at any time of day. We're headed into a period of reduced income -- which may be why nothing happened.

But for all that, the business park is nowhere near as empty as the last downturn, and somebody thought it a good idea to put up a couple of new buildings, which are about occupancy-ready now.

589 posted on 04/03/2009 6:51:56 PM PDT by sionnsar (Iran Azadi | 5yst3m 0wn3d - it's N0t Y0ur5 (SONY) | "Also sprach Telethustra" - NonValueAdded)
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To: NicknamedBob
Psychoanalyst.

Police interrogator.

Congressional watchdog.

Private investigator.

If you drop the "honest" qualification, it opens up a whole bunch more...

590 posted on 04/03/2009 6:57:32 PM PDT by Dead Corpse (1000110010101010100001001001111)
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To: NicknamedBob
Booked my trip to your area in a month but I've got a *busy* schedule this time (includes meeting with sales folks when not in committee meetings), no stay near BWI, and when meetings end noon Friday I'm rushing off to BWI for the flight home. Sorry -- no trip to Timbuktu this time.

(Trying to save the company some money. Agreed to a speaking engagement at an event where I'm working in Finland later this month; being one of the two speakers offsets the EU 300 participation fee. I hope the new boss approves. *\;-)

591 posted on 04/03/2009 7:00:15 PM PDT by sionnsar (Iran Azadi | 5yst3m 0wn3d - it's N0t Y0ur5 (SONY) | "Also sprach Telethustra" - NonValueAdded)
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To: sionnsar

It is inarguable that we are not out of the doldrums yet.

But I am nonetheless encouraged by what I know to be a building impetus of demand, for new products, new methods of manufacture and control, new ideas and procedures.

This is America. We are even now, exactly what the world needs to be for mankind to achieve its truest destiny.

The world has never been hurt by too much America. It has only been deprived by having too little of it.

In the end, I shall have my revenge, because in the end, the best revenge is to live well.


592 posted on 04/03/2009 7:00:53 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (Panicked at seeing Scarecrow twitching and shaking, Dorothy unplugs the teleprompter. "Uh, um, er .")
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To: sionnsar
"... no stay near BWI, and when meetings end noon Friday I'm rushing off to BWI for the flight home."

Even so, BWI is "near", and we could meet there for an exchange of microchips.

593 posted on 04/03/2009 7:06:28 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (Panicked at seeing Scarecrow twitching and shaking, Dorothy unplugs the teleprompter. "Uh, um, er .")
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To: Dead Corpse

Hmmm.

I can use that ...


594 posted on 04/03/2009 7:07:29 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (Panicked at seeing Scarecrow twitching and shaking, Dorothy unplugs the teleprompter. "Uh, um, er .")
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To: NicknamedBob
In the end, I shall have my revenge, because in the end, the best revenge is to live well.

No, there's a better one, though I don't call it revenge. That's when you're cut down to the knees and come back anyway. And be gracious about it, where appropriate.

We're not out of the doldrums yet but I see the market struggling to revive. For those of us in lagging industries that means we have yet to see bottom. But this is where things shake out and those who don't perform as well go away. And I've worked for companies on both sides that that determinant.

595 posted on 04/03/2009 7:19:56 PM PDT by sionnsar (Iran Azadi | 5yst3m 0wn3d - it's N0t Y0ur5 (SONY) | "Also sprach Telethustra" - NonValueAdded)
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To: sionnsar
I'll bet he'd have had a fuss if he tried that with Wednesday.

I think Lurch would have something to say about that.

596 posted on 04/03/2009 7:28:04 PM PDT by Lady Jag (Obama - Hezbollah - Al Qaeda - Stone Age)
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To: Lady Jag; Tax-chick

Dunno about Lurch, but I don’t think Wednesday has been declawed. T-C?


597 posted on 04/03/2009 7:30:43 PM PDT by sionnsar (Iran Azadi | 5yst3m 0wn3d - it's N0t Y0ur5 (SONY) | "Also sprach Telethustra" - NonValueAdded)
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To: sionnsar
"... when you're cut down to the knees and come back anyway."

It's just a flesh wound.

598 posted on 04/03/2009 7:31:07 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (Panicked at seeing Scarecrow twitching and shaking, Dorothy unplugs the teleprompter. "Uh, um, er .")
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To: NicknamedBob

Cool. I’m glad someone can... ;-)


599 posted on 04/03/2009 7:32:14 PM PDT by Dead Corpse (1000110010101010100001001001111)
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To: sionnsar

T-C?

Totally Cool


600 posted on 04/03/2009 7:48:44 PM PDT by Lady Jag (Obama - Hezbollah - Al Qaeda - Stone Age)
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