Posted on 05/09/2008 6:52:19 PM PDT by raynearhood
believe he’s a conservative, that is...
Raynear, as others have noted, your MIl is still pretty young. If she has to live with you, encourage her to have friends of her own, to go out with them, don’t get into the habit of taking her everywhere you go otherwise, the day you may want to have some time away from your home, just you and the wife, you may not be able to do it. My sister and her husband once planned a trip up to San Francisco, so my sister told my mom it was just going to be her, her husband and the kids. My mom did not want to come and spend time with me while my sister was gone, and I guess my sister started feeling guilty about not taking my mom along, so in the end, she invited my mom to go along.
You do have an extra room, that’s good, otherwise, if she’s like my mom, she may just take over the tv in the family room, (hopefully she’s the type who would know her boundraries and hand over the remote once you get home).
I hope she’s not the type who will create problems between you and your wife and that she likes you. Hopefully, she’s an easy person to live with, and won’t be the type to get offended easily and won’t be constantly telling you how you should raise your kids.
Mostly, I hope she gets along really well with your wife. I don’t get along that well with my mother, so my husband has already threatened, that if my mom were to ever move in with us, he’d have to move out, to which I reply, no, if my mom ever moves in with us, I’ll be the one moving out :-).
She’s in her “early 50’s?????” Yegads....I’m 57.....seems so young to have to be moving in with family....
Best solution so far!
You are a sweetheart. I hope your wife and MIL know this.
Good for you.
People in our family have used a type of auction, but they just took a flat price from the auctioneer because they just wanted to dispose of as much of the stuff as possible. He agreed to take it all, but only paid for a few of the better pieces. No one wanted much of it.
Good luck, you are doing something that I couldn’t do, but maybe your mother-in-law is nice.
Or, do you think it would ok if she moved in with y'all and you have no problem with it? Many times men and their MIL get along just fine.
I haven’t read all the posts but consider having your mom “pay” for her room and board. My grandmother lived with mom and dad for several years after her husband passed away. It wasn’t stressful because she was an easygoing type of person but she had regular income and could afford to contribute to the food and extra expenses. Mom didn’t want to deplete her income in case of need so I advised her to write herself a check from the income, put it in a special savings account in my mom’s name, and not spend it just in case. When grandma passed on, the money accumulated there was used to reimburse mom and dad for their expenses. All the other funds of grandma were split evenly among the six children but since only mom was the fulltime caregiver, I figured it was fair to let her pay herself from grandma’s funds and it was easier than arguing with the siblings after grandma passed on. It has to be a reasonable amount, though, not thousands of dollars a month.
There are Freepers here that are fiscally/Govt/politically conservative.
But in those “other” areas hang low in the morality dept.
Sounds like you’re getting lots of good advice. Just one thing. Make sure you put down a good thick carpet pad. After the first winter grandma complained that the garage slab floor got too cold. Especially when we opened the big door to park the car. ;)
I think your MIL and wife are pretty lucky. Also sounds like things are pretty squared away with all the stuff. Have an auction.
My MIL sold her parent’s farm in what is now a suburb in the Midwest. The developer paid for everything with all the furnishings, etc. and was going to have an auction. I was traveling at the time and was just sick about it as I would have liked to have gone through things first and probably put them out for auction ourselves. But, MIL just wanted it to be done with - and I can understand that, and that is worth a lot in of itself. And, like she said - “All it is is a bunch of old junk. The barn is full of old tools and cars and tractors and God knows what other crap is out there”. :(
Oh - he also liked to hide cash all over the place “just in case”. They found over $10k stashed in the house just cleaning up. And that was without pulling on floor boards or looking through all the junk in the garage. Makes me sick to think of it.
Condolences on the passing of your wife’s Father.
What does MIL think? Does she have an emotional attachment to these possessions? Is it convenient to put them, or some of them, into a local storage for awhile?
When my Parents passed, I couldn’t bear to part with their stuff for a while. I kept the ones with E-value in storage and, sounds silly, but I visited them from time to time. Finally, I was able to let go of most. I still have the ones nearest and dearest to me/us.
She’s lost her Husband, and her independence. Be sensitive to that in all ways. Remember, even a broken shoestring can have meaning to her.
Finally, my last .02, there are many companies that specialize in selling and/or disposing of Estate property. Call your local Chamber of Commerce or trusted Funeral Home if you need a reference.
Good luck, your a good man, Charlie Brown!
No small feat. A tough row to hoe. May God bless your hands, and as for me, I salute you.
I was a kid when I started out and he is social/charismatic/intelligent and an all round fun popular person.
I am the lucky on to be apart of his world.
Now that he is an adult (over 21 soon to be 29 in May) I don’t wear the Mom hat ( still Mom though) and more secretary/medical careprovider/ event coordinator ect...
Pinging the expert!
My wife and I did this abut one year before starting divorce proceedings. Now, ten years later, I can honestly say I prefer being single.
My husband and I have actually had this discussion. He told me that if anything happens to him, I am NOT to live with our children. He wants me to get on with life and enjoy it. He also knows that children in their 30's need privacy.
My mom, 78, just moved here to our property and lives in a house about 75 yards away we had built for her. It's still a tiny bit of an issue.
You guys are young. Your probably the same age as my children - I know your mil feels lonely and devastated over the loss of her husband. Trying to clean out a house with too much stuff in it IS overwhelming - we did it for my mom and she saved everything, down to grocery bags and cool whip containers.
People have said 20-30 years more of life - I hope I live longer than that. Perhaps she is overwhelmed and depressed - get her to her doctor. Tell him what the plan is and get his advice.
After being on last night for a couple hours, I turned off the computer and spent the rest of the evening with my wife. I notice this morning that there have been alot of comments about my MIL age.
To clear things up a bit... The main problem is health issues and lack of care. She owns the house outright, but it isn’t worth too much. She and my father-in-law were just getting by before he began dying from cancer. The intent is to make it temporary. I get out of the Army in just under three years and we want her to move with us to our new destination, but to her own place.
Thank you everyone for the help.
OK. My wife and I are doing this because we care, and we feel that she’ll be able to make a turn around, mostly with the proper health care.
The problem of her stuff is that the vast majority of it she has no attachment to. She tried to get us, the kids, to rid of it before. It was just to time consuming going through the house trying to sort through stuff. She wants to get rid of most of it.
What I mean by, “don’t worry about the costs” is that I don’t want people to worry, then waste their time giving me financial advice. Financially, my family’s doing fine, and the Army helps alot in organizing finances and adjusting benefits (i.e. medical, dental, etc.) to help withthe transition of caring for a family member.
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