Posted on 05/09/2008 6:52:19 PM PDT by raynearhood
Oh that is IMO the perfect and kindest way to approach it.
Sorry not to reply right away..I had to make a phone call! As far as the house, it depends on the area to some extent. The nice thing about tying everything together, is that the proceeds from the sale of the everyday household items helps to support the more extensive advertising campaign that would be waged to auction the real estate.
In my area, the percentage paid to auction is less than the percentage paid to RE Agents...significantly.
With most homes, a "reserve" price is set (that below which it will not sell); then if it does not sell at auction it is listed in the normal fashion.
Whether it is in a City or more rural area, the condition of the home, its approximate value...all play an important role in determining the best course of action.
As far as having a garage sale, or selling off some of the collectibles piecemeal before you have an auction: please do NOT do that.
I finally get to say that to someone before they've made the mistake...YEAH! At a well advertised auction, those items will not only bring more money through the competitive bidding process...but they "make" the auction (increased attendance, more dollars to use for advertising, thus increasing the total proceeds, etc.).
I cannot tell you how many times I've heard some variation of the following: "well, we had a collection of old coins, but some guy offered us X for them, so we went ahead and sold them." Please, let someone take a look at the entire group of items (less what your MIL wants to keep, of course), before making the decision.
If you have specific questions about types of items and how they sell at auction, I would be happy to answer.
I agree. Do the best you can - if you can furnish her bedroom with her things or at least some of her things it will mean a lot. We recently (13 mos ago) moved my mother from a 3000 s.f. 4 br house to a 1600 s.f. 1 br. She did love her things and we kept what we could, but all of my siblings and I have been on our own for decades. We disposed of so much stuff - and so much was unusable but she thought otherwise. We furnished her house, and then did the best we could.
I would be devastated if I had to live with one of my children at my age. I am healthy, and capable. Why is she going this route?
If this is temporary, till she can find a job, or get her bearings back, don't sell anything. Store it.
If nothing else works Craig's List is also a good resource.
Good Luck.
LOL THat is a fantastic idea.
I share a room with my quad son for medical care reasons and I did just what you mentioned.
When taking a break from his care/respite I have a really quiet room facing a the rain forrest (we live on the coast/bay view) and another room with the Brunswick Contenter.
Happens esp to parents of severely disabled kids/adults.
I chose to stay single for life due to my choice to be my sons medical careprovider 24/7.
No room for husband/wife relationship. Would not be fair to the man.
Have had male dogs (Labs) for 25 yrs. Love the Too Cool Cold Nose Crew and the solitude.
Sorry for your loss.
freepmail
Good advice.
She is a person more than the MIL.
Hey, it made me pull in. I thought maybe we had a Penthouse Forum on the Free Republic
That was just me being a smart-aleck. Bless you for protecting our country and helping your Mother in Law. Set up an Ebay account and one on Craigslist. You will also want a Paypal account. Separate the wheat from the chaff.
It's going to be your MIL's call on what you can sell, donate or throw away. Respect her wishes. No matter how stupid or tacky an item might seem to you, it might have a great story behind it. If you're really lucky, she just might share that story with you.
Thank heavens you asked that! I was just getting ready to, but didn’t know how to do it gracefully.
Ray, until you mentioned that your MIL was in her early 50s, I had a different bit of advice to give you.
If her home was owned(i.e. no or little mortgage balance left, since her husband evidently was much older than her), then I would suggest that the home be sold, and the extraneous possessions be sold off.
The essential possessions your MIL would need for her own apartment should be put in storage for now until the situation shakes out a bit.
She is too young to live with you and your wife on a permenant basis. My MIL lives with me, but that happened when my kids were grown and on their own, with an occasion short-term return to the nest. You would be in your 30s and maybe with kids.
Once you have sold off the house and the unneeded stuff, MIL needs to go into an apartment of her own. She will live another 30 years or so, and for the next 20-25 she should be able to manage to live on her own. This has to be viewed as a temporary arrangement, living with you, and she needs to be prepared to get on with the next chapter of her life.
There is potential here to wreck your homelife and marriage, unless you have sufficient physical separation of living quarters in the house. You cannot underestimate the lack of privacy that this arrangement can produce. That is why I would counsel you to make this, from the get-go, a transitional arrangement.
Being a man and a military type, you will want to “fix” the situation for your MIL. A different approach is needed—your MIL must take part in these decisons and in the work, as this is her future she must prepare for, not yours.
Please review this thread with your wife, as open communication right now is extemely important between you too right now. There will be pluses and minuses to any of these lifestyle changes, but since your MIl is so young, you need to get her on her own path.
My own story is different. My MIL was widowed at 48, 30 years ago. My wife and I helped her transition into her new life, but kept her in her house and she returned back to work. There was still a teenager in her home to raise.
Fourteen years later, we had moved and the old house was becoming a burden, so we helped her move into our town into a new townhouse, where she lived the next 12 years. After that, she no longer wanted to live on her own, so we moved her into our home. When we oved to another stae 2 years ago she came with us. She’s sweet and respects our privacy, and always helps around the house.
But she did not move in with us until her mid 70s. Big difference with your MIL being in her early 50s. Your MIL will have the possibility of remarrying ahead of her in the next 20 years.
So, my advice would be to help but not to permanaently let your MIL move in. She is just too young, and absent a serious health condition, she needs to get back on her path in life. Make her a part of all the decisions because after all this is her life. Don’t jump in and “fix” it because that will lead to resentments later on.
Good luck to you and your wife.
JMO Garage sales are risky without protection.
Trebuchet,
Good times!
In her 50’s????!!!!
Is she disabled?
Meaning she can’t get a job.
Ok, over 50 posts and most have been nice....so here comes the rat.....
Golf,
Fishing,
Landscaping,
Workshop,
etc.....
100% f’ing A right dude. My MIL moved in with us for 1 1/2 and it was horrible.
I’ve had positive experiences with an Estate house/auction house.
I would suggest that she gets a good checkup by a doctor to make sure there are not any medical problems causing her to go down hill. If you could get her involved in outside activities with a church group, hospital volunteer something to make her feel useful. She also might benefit from counseling if you feel she has some depression issues....
You are doing the right thing and I think it is wonderful that you are opening up your home and your hearts to her.... we all wish you well and any FReepers that pray please put this family on your prayer list.....
I’ll believe Ron Jeremy when a bunch of women come forward who believe he’s ‘too small’ for them...
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