I've never done THIS before

Me | 09 May 2008 | Me

[raynearhood]

I’m almost positive that she has enough stuff to auction. So, should we auction the house, too.

[stlnative]

If she lives in a rural area then an estate auction is the way to go.

If she lives in a non-rural area than an estate tag sale is the way to go.

If the father-in-law was a big collector of specific items (books, glassware, etc) then try to see if there is collector out there that would buy the lot of collectables.

[spectre]

Look in her local newspaper and you'll find qualified people who will go thru the house and price everything accordingly. They'll conduct the estate sale.

The advantage to the (not dead yet) estate sale, is most everything is sold and what isn't should be trashed.

OTOH, you could hold a big garage sale, and have someone in the house at the same time to sell the furniture.

Most of the time we think our "stuff" is worth more than it is, so prepare yourself.

Good luck..sw

[ConservativeMind]

That’s too bad.

I would sure encourage you both to find a way to get back together. If that means letting her uncle go to a nursing home, then so be it.

[raynearhood]

She’s not a senior. My wife’s dad died young. My mom in law is in her early 50’s. So, getting rid of the stuff is pretty much a necessity. Besides, she seems all for it. She just can’t support herself.

[acapesket]

I posted before reading the thread all the way.

Include her in the decisions and do let her keep her own stuff for her living space.
She will welcome the familiarity of her own things, especially if she has a rocking chair!
Ours has a million smiles and a million miles on it, “wouldn’t trade it for all of the tea in China” as my beloved Dad used to say.
He passed away three years ago and I still cry as I type this.
It’s all about Love and respect.

[raynearhood]

I’ve never heard of an estate tag sale, so, that’s good. Something to look up. Thanks.

[Ron Jeremy]

Thanks.. I’m doing everything I can..

[acapesket]

Well then, there are a bazillion government overlapping programs to help her. Contact a social worker, through her physician or hospital and every overlapping Medicare/Medicaid/S.S. you name it will be reaching out to help.
Contact your local Senior Center, we actually have a kind of Coop program where I live that gives a great price on elderly housing, if that;s not workable, they have transportation, day care, all kinds of day actvities with handicapped help.
You are paying for it, take advantage!
God Bless you.

[Grizzled Bear]

What I need help with, by way of suggestions, is the best way to dispose of her current possessions.

Some of the best ways to dispose of stuff you don't want is through burning, explosives, flung by catapult or simply throw it off the roof. Or you can put it on Ebay or donate it to the Salvation Army. But the previous methods are more fun.

[Caramelgal]

Is your mother in law on board with selling off her possessions? Is she capable and competent enough to be involved in the decision making? I would imagine that this could be a very emotional and stressful event for her in any case. Seeing people pick through her possessions and make bids on them could be very difficult for her, so I’d recommend she not attend the auction if that’s the road you and your wife end up on.

The only experience I have with auctions was a buyer and only once. My husband and I went to an auction on a whim. My husband saw an advertisement for an auction of a near by house and all its possessions, including many wood working tools, which is what peaked his interest.

We were thinking this was an estate sale but as it turned out, the home owner was a recently widowed 80 something year old man whose wife had recently died.

It was his life long dream to live on a boat and he was selling his house and most of his possessions to make his dream come true. He attended the auction and I talked with him and he was a very lively, vibrant and optimistic fellow who saw this as not an end of the life he knew, but a new beginning for a new life that he had always dreamed of.

It was very weird for me to view all the personal possession this man and his wife accumulated over their life time together and try to make a judgment on their worth especially with him being there.

When the auction began I figured my husband might make a bid on some of the tools but to my surprise, he raised his hand and placed a bid on a Seth Thomas mantle place clock. Someone counter bid and he raised the bid and we won the bid for $80. We didn’t have a mantle place or any interest in or knowledge of clocks but my husband was so proud.

When my husband and I divorced several years later, he got the clock. I really miss that clock :),

[norge]

I was going to tell you that what you are doing is what families do...until you said she was in her early 50’s!!!!

That means you and your wife are in your early 30’s or less.

She could live for another 30 years, or more, in relatively good health...you have to consider that. Everything in your life will be affected...sex, money, privacy...you have kids? Early 50’s is far too young for you, or she, to be considering a move like this.

I doubt it would serve her or you well to have her move in.

My best suggestion...call Dr. Laura, get beaten up and take her advise.

[stlnative]

An estate sale is the same as a estate tag sale. (glorified indoor garage sale)
It is not an auction. You have people come in to organize and price tag the items. They hold the sale for you and they get a commission off the sale in most cases.

If there are “some special valuables” in the home. The people handling the sale may ask for silent written bids on certain items. They collect the silent written bids on the items and at the end of the sale they call the highest bidder on each item to see if they want the item they bid on. If so the the high bidder comes back the same day or the next day to pay for the item and pick it up. If the silent high bidder does not want it, then they just go to the 2nd highest silent bidder.

[Tammy8]

First, you get a pat on the back from me for being willing to have your MIL move in!! It is a big decision, but I think it is so much better when family can be the caretakers. We took care of my mother and father and the only advise I have for you there is make a big point to make sure everyone has as much privacy as possible- that is a hot button issue- we all need our own space. You may have to reorganize your home to get private spots for everyone but it will be worth it.

Without any idea of what kind of things you will need to get rid of it is hard to give advice- but there are companies that hold estate sales and they will come in and do the whole nine yards. Just be sure you go through her things very carefully before contacting them so that family treasures and heirlooms aren’t overlooked. I have had to get rid of possessions several times now for elderly family members and the thing is the more labor you are willing to do; the more you will make on the sales. If you are willing to have garage sales and sell some things on ebay then you can do better. Sometimes though it is just a pain and easier to have an estate sale and be done with it. I have done it both ways. If she has antiques or art- things that might have real value get them appraised and find professionals to help you with them. Just be realistic about what things are really worth- often it is much less than you think- even for nice things.

[stlnative]

I agree with norge. I think it might be best if you found her some low income housing near you instead of moving her in with you since she is only 50ish.

Does she have some serious illness and is that why you have decided to have her live with you?

[Global2010]

Hmmm.

Some personal issues regarding MIL is what you seem to have alluded to.

Then in your post “don’t worry about costs to you”.

And “getting rid of her possesions”.

First if you did not mean to come across rather self centered and doing her a favor ish ya should clear that up.

JMO

Also have you noticed that mainstream and or libs who post here under the guise of being a Conservate?

Better go with the well known old timers on the advice mode.

Again JMO

[RoadKingSE]

What I need help with, by way of suggestions, is the best way to dispose of her current possessions.

LOL, just kidding.

[Tammy8]

She’s not a senior. My wife’s dad died young. My mom in law is in her early 50’s. So, getting rid of the stuff is pretty much a necessity. Besides, she seems all for it. She just can’t support herself.

She is entirely too young to just retire at your house for the next 30 years- unless she is in bad health. If the only issue is she can't support herself then this should be a temporary arangement. She is young enough to start a career- no joke. There are many medical vocational schools where she can be licensed in 6 months to a year and be able to get a job that will support her. There are tons of other options too. Many in their 50s are in college to be teachers, etc. you name it. She is too young to not have her own life. Help her get started over and you will all be greatful that you did- BTW, she should qualify for financial aid for school- so it shouldn't cost you an arm and a leg. If she is busy she will be easier to live with until she is self supporting.

[Global2010]

I have read rumors that “the real” Ron Jeremy is a conservatie and a member at Free Republic.

Can you confirm that as fact?

[trimom]

At my husband’s request, we moved MY mom into our home early in 2002. She was on a downward spiral and didn’t believe she had very long to go.

Now, she’s in several civic/social groups, spends 10 hours a week as a volunteer and hits the gym 4x/week.

I could go on about the ups and downs, but in the end, it was the right thing to do for all of us.