Posted on 05/09/2008 6:52:19 PM PDT by raynearhood
Oh how wonderful of you! Your MIL is very blessed!
Don’t worry about her possessions, that is not the issue. The issue is that you need to set ground rules RIGHT NOW about how you and your wife will relate to each other and your mother in law. If you don’t, it will destroy your marriage.. happens all the time.
There are groups that will do estate sales to include handling the entire thing from preparing the items for sale to actually working the sale. I’m not familiar with the details but that maybe an option in which it may limit your having to be really involved.
Good luck as you move forward.
We recently had to move my mom out of her own home (due to Alzheimers) and it was well worth the commission the service took to not have to deal with all that stuff.
Already taken care of. I brought the subject up to my wife in the first place, at that time I told her, “There will be rules. I won’t act like she’s another kid, but, there will be rules.” Then laid them out.
Ebay
Then do with it as you see fit.
It also depends on who has the nicer furniture. ;-)
You’re right about the ground rules. You have to do it from the get go. My mom lives with my sister and it has created tension from time to time and laying ground rules early on was not something my sister did. Sometimes you wonder who pays the bills over there, my mom or my sister and her husband.
Also, if you have kids, you’ll need to lay ground rules regarding the kids.
Perhaps your MIL is a nice lady and not the controlling bossy type, but if she’s the type who tries to take over, be careful.
As for her stuff, you sure you don’t want to keep it in storage for a while, until you’re sure you’re okay with the new living arrangements?
They should be able to tell you if she has enough items to have a auction on premises, or whether her items may need to be combined with other estates at an auction house.
There will be some ad costs and commissions to deal with...but the great thing about auctions is that everything is gone at the end of the sale.
I will answer any specific questions that you have about auctions...fire away, if you'd like.
My suggestion would be to arrange “Mom’s “living area to be as seperate and private from the whole house, so you and she have privacy. If her room, or even if she could have an extra bedroom as a sitting room with TV, radio, a window to look out of and a sofa to lay down on..that would help a lot.
Then I would make sure she has enough of her possessions to “decorate” her new digs with you. Be sure to make her a part of this decision process. Even a few pieces of her favorie furniture would help her feel “at home>’”. It also encourages the “seperateness” that will help all of you to have boundaries..very helpful with two or more adults sharing a home.
Also, be sensitive to your wife’s feelings at this time. She may have some reactions which “don’t make rational sense” to you about what to sell or how...but remember, that home was part of her life, even if you all just “visited.” If you need to bring some stuff to a storage area, it is well worth it. Sometimes it takes a longer time to “let go of things. This will make you the true Prince you are. You will receive soooo many blessings from this.
Whether you do it or not on a regular basis, do it the first week she is living there...
Have the boys over for a sports game. Drink beer and smoke cigars in the house... Then the next day, give in and say you’re sorry and you’ll never do it again. Then, the rest of the time will be easy...
When it's all done, stock it with beer, microwaveables, and a pool table, and then move on in...
Well, as the situation is, she can’t keep her house, and she has an obscene amout of stuff. She really has no big attachement to it, it was my father-in-law that collected alot of stuff. Most of the important family stuff was distro’d out when he passed away. We do have to sell alot of the stuff to pay down her debt (which isn’t too much), and she’s agreed to it. I’m just wondering if auctioning is the best method, or is there a method I’m unaware of.
My uncle in law moved in with us, and we didn’t set ground rules... my wife spent 12 hours per day with him, and now we are getting divorced.
To be perfectly blunt.. it’s very difficult to have elders living with you and your family. I did so as the daughte of 2 elderly parents at different times over a 10 year peiod.
It is massively stressful on the direct descendant, particularly depending on the medical situation. If I were you, and I am not, (obviously) do what my wonderful husband did. Be supportive, Don’t Complain, and Help in every way that you can.
Don’t worry about the “stuff”. If you think your time together is somewhat limited, put it in storage and dispose of it afterwards.
Think about your M in L watching you throw her life away before her very eyes!
That’s a tough one for her! Seniors are lovely people and appreciate the help.
Respect them and don’t make yourselves look as if you just want to get rid of everything.
Unless you need the financial help to care for her, of course!
That was not my experience, but if it’s yours, contact estate sales and don’t discuss it alot in front of Mom.
Do it on the side and try to negate the impact.
Believe me, I have Alot of seniors in my life and they mostly wish to be cared for lovingly and be respected as individuals.
Good luck
Over and out.
Does your wife have any siblings? If so, ask them if they want anything before you sell or toss out a single thing. When my grandmother passed away, all her stuff was dealt with by an aunt with no input from the rest of the family. I wanted the cups we always used at her house. They were just thrown away. So check with the rest of your wife’s family.
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