The thing to do is to rob the thug that tried to rob you, that way ny will protect you as they do all criminals lol. Self identify as a career criminal when the cops show,up, and they Will Immeidately let you go no questions asked.
Well, not if you are a white, straight male...
They get the book thrown at them.
Of course, I know you were joking... But like good satire, there's always a grain of truth that makes one think about it...