I'm so stupid, I signed up and got the Zot.

9,001 posted on 01/30/2005 1:13:31 PM PST by tuliptree76

You get the dial and I can get the piranhas

9,002 posted on 01/30/2005 1:14:06 PM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum europe vincendarum)

Congrats on the 9000!

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9,003 posted on 01/30/2005 1:14:31 PM PST by tuliptree76

To: Harmless Teddy Bear

it's a dial, then. we'll have to scale up the project a bit... something a little fishy about some of the finner readings

9,004 posted on 01/30/2005 1:15:48 PM PST by King Prout (trolls survive through a form of gastroenterotic oroborosity, a brownian "perpepetual movement")

9,005 posted on 01/30/2005 1:16:10 PM PST by King Prout (trolls survive through a form of gastroenterotic oroborosity, a brownian "perpepetual movement")

9,006 posted on 01/30/2005 1:16:54 PM PST by tuliptree76

To: King Prout; Harmless Teddy Bear; Darksheare

I better get back to reading. I'll be back later.

9,007 posted on 01/30/2005 1:25:04 PM PST by tuliptree76

BWah-hah-hah-hah-hah-haaa!

9,008 posted on 01/30/2005 1:59:28 PM PST by Darksheare (Trolls beware, the icy hands of the forum wraith are behind you!)

9,009 posted on 01/30/2005 2:02:07 PM PST by Darksheare (Trolls beware, the icy hands of the forum wraith are behind you!)

9,010 posted on 01/30/2005 2:02:19 PM PST by Darksheare (Trolls beware, the icy hands of the forum wraith are behind you!)

I have the thread to myself..
Why.. I could go bizzak in here..

9,011 posted on 01/30/2005 2:33:08 PM PST by Darksheare (Trolls beware, the icy hands of the forum wraith are behind you!)

Day 12: Still alone. The darn droning of the skull sized insects is annoying.
Can't sleep, the rest of the team is missing.
And there's drums, huge drums somewhere in the distance.
I hope I can get out of here alive.

Day 13: Found water, and some strange gourds.
They taste funny, but they are filling.
Strangely, they remind me of a heart ale from the tap halls of my youth.

Wow, starting to get a buzz.

Day 14: Hungover from the odd gourds I found.
The drums are in the forest AND my head.
And those insects are truly murder at the moment.

Oddly, eating the gourd relieves the headache some.

What was taht nopise?

Day ???: I don't know where I am, what day it is, or what has happened.
I have to find more of those gourds.
Gourds..

......

The journal ends here. Apparently, the subject went into inexplicable fits and rantings before clambering up a tree naked as a jaybird and flinging himself at a mass of those curiously droning butterflies.
If we'd been able to locate him sooner, we may have been able to prevent his death as well as the deaths of the stuntmen he landed upon in his fall.
Strange how he left his camp suddenly and ran off muttering like that.

Why did he run off like that?
These gourds he left at his camp are delicious.

9,012 posted on 01/30/2005 2:54:37 PM PST by Darksheare (Trolls beware, the icy hands of the forum wraith are behind you!)

It waited for it's prey to come by, it's leather upholstry tempting it's victims to their doom. Waiting with it's siren song of comfort and relaxation to lure some weak willed to take a seat... Suddenly they are stuck! The chair won't let them go! Slowly it starts it's feeding process.. the victim feels their legs and arms grow weak as the chair saps their strength. Then it devours their soul once they are asleep and defenseless....
And everyone thought that barcaloungers were harmless luxuries.

9,013 posted on 01/30/2005 3:09:45 PM PST by Darksheare (Trolls beware, the icy hands of the forum wraith are behind you!)

The sewing machine was laying in wait for it's prey, it's bobbins salivating multi-colored thread in anticipation. It's speed control pedal quivered nervously as it's needle moved impatiently. Suddenly it spotted an unsuspecting shirt laying peacefully on the 'mending' pile.
*It sprung!*
The shirt was caught! It struggled mightily, but was overpowered by the 'active grip' dogs on the sewing machine's plate. The needle hummed to life and the shirt was done for. The thread stitched viciously in and out of the shirt as it twitched it's death throes!
Victorious, the sewing machine hummed over it's gruesome booty. Then waited for it's next victim....

9,014 posted on 01/30/2005 3:11:52 PM PST by Darksheare (Trolls beware, the icy hands of the forum wraith are behind you!)

I never thought chairs and sewing machines were so dangerous...

9,015 posted on 01/30/2005 3:24:34 PM PST by tuliptree76

*chuckle*

The things that exist in my head at times astound even I.

Like the journal entry thing and the odd gourds posted above.

9,016 posted on 01/30/2005 3:29:31 PM PST by Darksheare (Trolls beware, the icy hands of the forum wraith are behind you!)

Hehehe...

I have weird things going through my head, but it's not about that kind of stuff.

9,017 posted on 01/30/2005 3:33:00 PM PST by tuliptree76

To: Darksheare; tuliptree76

“Your Weight And Fortune”

That’s what the sign on the machine said.

“Odd.” Thought he, “I haven’t seen one of these in years.”

Stepping up on the platform, he saw the price, twenty-five cents. “Hmm. The price has gone up some.” Idly he reached into his pocket for a coin. He heard the coin drop through the scanner with satisfaction, and saw the display light up.

“189 pounds.”

He grunted in satisfaction. “Just like me to pay for something I already knew.” Patiently, he waited for the second part. What was to be his fortune?

“188 pounds.”

“Hunh?” He stared. “Did I bounce, or something?”

“187 pounds.”

Now this was getting interesting. He continued to stand on the platform as the numbers ticked downward. He could actually feel that gravity was losing its grip on him as the pressure against his feet diminished. “Cool! Maybe now my feet won’t hurt so much!” He reached into his pocket for another quarter, in case the machine needed to be fed again. It wasn’t necessary.

“76 pounds.”

There were no coins left in his pocket, where before there had been several. Mystified, he checked his wallet.. Unbelievably, it was empty. Astonished, he stared into the emptiness of it. This could not be!

“14 pounds.”

He looked around to see if there were any addresses, or other information about this curious machine which had somehow robbed him. Unfortunately, he failed to step off the platform. As he peered into the coin slot, the machine made a final click of some sort, and released him. The display went off. Irritated, he straightened up.

And he continued moving upward, ascending through no apparent effort as though he were riding in an elevator. By the time he realized the danger he faced, he could no longer reach anything to grab onto. The buildings shrank beneath him.

“Your weight and fortune.” Belatedly, he realized now the literal truth behind that innocuous phrase.

The city shrank beneath him. The air grew thin and cold.

Far below, a strange machine occupied a lonely vigil. “Your Weight And Fortune” read the sign.

9,018 posted on 01/30/2005 3:46:02 PM PST by NicknamedBob (Too many folks never put anything into the collection plate, yet they still expect change.)

Van pulls up, side door opens, slender arms reach out and grab unsuspecting me.
Van drives down road about 300 feet, lurches to a stop, side door opens, and I get kicked out.

About right for the stuff taht goes on in my head..

9,019 posted on 01/30/2005 3:46:22 PM PST by Darksheare (Trolls beware, the icy hands of the forum wraith are behind you!)

To: NicknamedBob

9,020 posted on 01/30/2005 3:48:45 PM PST by Darksheare (Trolls beware, the icy hands of the forum wraith are behind you!)

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