Arthur Davidson of the Harley-Davidson Motorcycle Company died and went to heaven. Upon his arrival at the Pearly Gates St.Peter greeted him and said, "Since you've been so instrumental in influencing the world of motorcyles and your products have been so world changing you may hang out with anyone you choose in heaven."
Arthur thought for a moment and responded, "I would like to meet God." St.Peter led Arthur to the throne and introduced him to God. Arthur asked God, "Say aren't you the great inventor of the woman?" God responded with a mighty voice, "Why, Yes I am." "Well," Arthur said, "inventor to inventor, I would like to discuss with you some major design flaws I noted with your invention. First off there's too much inconsistency in the front end, it chatters constantly at high speed, the rear end is too soft and wobbles way too much, the intake is too close to the exhaust, and finally the maintenance costs are way too high in fact they're outrageous."
"Well those are all fine points," God noted, "but according to my calculations there are more men riding my invention than yours!"
Credit to FReeper MistyCA, a.k.a. mystomachisturning, for this one:
Now, we have the Stella Awards given to the individuals who win the most frivolous lawsuits ever. The Stella Awards are named in honor of 81 year-old Stella Liebeck, the woman who won $2.9 million for spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.
The following are candidates for the Award:
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle, tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering that the misbehaving little fellow was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: 19 year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October, 1998: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pa., was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't reenter the house because the door connecting The house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found in the garage and a large bag of dry dog food. Mr. Dickson sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of a half million dollars.
4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The dog was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard at the time. Mr. Williams was also in the fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was repeatedly shooting it with a pellet gun.
5. December 1997: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pa., $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Clamont, DE, successfully sued the owner of a night club when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
Let's not forget to give our lawyers and judges a round of applause too!