Posted on 03/29/2020 2:34:41 PM PDT by gbunch
I have been using this time of social distancing to get many things done, not just for myself, but for my fellow man. I realized that when the coronavirus is finally behind us, there will be a huge problem for many people. That problem is, of course, massive quantities of hoarded items, which will take up space in people's homes while spoiling and decaying. Such items will not only be a tremendous economic waste, but an entirely new health hazard as well.
Therefore, I worked hard and proactively in anticipation of this coming crisis, getting out ahead of the curve to produce a solution. I am now proud to present the result of my efforts: The Covid Creations Cookbook!
Designed to make the most efficient use of overbought items, The Covid Creations Cookbook contains easy recipes for making delicious meals from plentiful yet seemingly unappealing ingredients. Many hours of culinary experimentation yielded delicacies guaranteed to please the palate of the most particular paranoid prepper, and satisfy the hungriest of hoarders. Among my many offerings are Lysagna, a present-day twist on the classic Italian dish which is scrumptious AND kills 99.9% of household germs; Penicillium Bread Pudding, so named for its subtle gray-green color and natural antibacterial properties; and to enjoy at those post-virus parties, my potent Purello Shots. These are but a few of the tantalizing treats found in my forthcoming work.
One of my signature dishes is shown here, on the cover of the book. It is Instant Pot Rolls with Cilantro and Clear Glaze. This dish easily turns perhaps the two most excessively hoarded ingredients into something tasty for the whole family. The tender rolls cook down quickly, and combine with the unique flavors of cilantro and the glaze's fragrant alcohol to give you a clean, fresh palate, and a clean, um, feeling about 12 hours later too. It is best served with 6 loaves of stale, moldy bread and 4 cases of bottled water, and may be accompanied by a side of crow.
I am very excited and proud to announce The Covid Creations Cookbook. Preorders are being accepted now! The book will go to press once my coronavirus relief check arrives.
Bon Appetit!
I’ll admit, I lol’ed. Very clever.
Thanks! This is what happens when a bored computer guy with a twisted sense of humor has too much time on his hands...
You’re going to need a bigger crock pot!)
What happens if you don't cook the items but wipe your ass and wash your hands with spoiled and decaying ingredients?
I shudder to think of such a scenario. It might bring about... CORONAPOCALYPSE!
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