Proposed Impeachment Generation Machine
Posted on 12/20/2019 3:24:16 AM PST by Lazamataz
Washington, D.C. (AbsolutelyPartisan) -- In the wake of the impeachment of President Trump, yet faced with the prospect of a quick acquittal, several members of the House have vowed to repeatedly impeach the president.
Karen Bass, a Congresswoman from the hostile communist neighboring nation of Californistan, vowed to impeach Trump a second time:
TMZ founder Harvey Levin asked Bass on Tuesday if she would reintroduce articles of impeachment against Trump if Democrats gained control of the Senate in 2020. Bass said Levin was “absolutely right” to suggest House Democrats would pursue impeachment again, but clarified that new articles of impeachment could include more information about Trump.Other CongressThugs have voiced similar opinions. Said Captain Caveman, Al Green stated that there was 'no limit to the number of times" that they will attempt to impeach the president:
“Yes, but I don’t think it would be exactly the same and here’s why. Because even though we’re impeaching him now, there’s still a number of court cases,” Bass said. “There’s a ton of information that could come forward. For example, we could get his bank records and find out that he’s owned 100 percent by the Russians.”
"There is no limit on the number on the times the Senate can vote to convict or not a president. No limit to the number of times a House can vote to impeach or not a president. So my belief is that the Speaker will probably say we are going to move forward with what we have now, but we are not going to end investigations and that there may be possible opportunities to do other things at a later time."
Adam Schiff, (D)-Insanity, has submitted RFPs (Requests For Proposal) from major industrial manufacturers for machinery capable of delivering many impeachments a second. Said Seimens CEO, a German manufacturer who plans to bid on this RFP: "Our processing equipment is world-class, and we stand a good chance of successfully getting this bid. We stand ready to serve America!"
The technological challenge of delivering machinery capable of churning out a large amount of impeachments are formidable. "Heat buildup is a major concern, as well as the possibility of jams and stoppages, said Mike Droppe, an industrial engineer employed at Phillips Manufacturing. "These issues must be addressed before the impeachment stream can be implemented."
Experts predict that when these systems are delivered, up to 920,000 impeachments per second (IPS). Maxine Waters, Congresswoman from Californistan, giddily opined "When we install the impeachment generator, we might need to install a conveyor belt from the House to the White House steps to handle this many flow of impeachments!!"
Physicists from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute have warned the Congress that the generation of such a large number of impeachments-per-second may jeopardize citizens living in the area, stating that the additional gravitational force generated by the rapid creation of tens of thousands of impeachments per second could create a macroscopic 'black hole'. A black hole is a mass that has collapsed under its own weight, creating a singularity with such massive gravitational force that nothing, not even light, can escape. Said Professor Ima Pickle, "The chances of creating a black hole from the introduction of so much matter -- in the form of written Articles of Impeachment -- are not insignificant." He added, "There are mixed blessings that may occur from such an event. While millions of citizens would be caught inside the event horizon, at least the Democrats in the House could no longer be heard from."
Beat ya again. :)
Original graphic by TheOatmeal
Bravo, let’s hope they can get it done. Maybe the new machine can detect the Higgs-Boson as it enters the singularity.
It’s not an impeachment; it’s PHYSICS!
So much winning.
President Trump has accomplished a difficult task.
He has put brass balls onto every member of the House and Senate save for Mitt Romney, Murakowski and Collins.
Republicans are now officially and irretrievably “fighters”
for America.
LOL
Good stuff there Laz.
Democrats have an impeachment behind every blade of grass.
Very meticulous - I would have rounded up to 92,400, but not doing so makes this all the more credible...
Accuracy is crucial in good satire.
You Are My Hero LAZ!
Yes, and the enhanced “fighter” reputation of House members would be nice to transfer to Senate. But maybe it’s best to drive a stake in the hear of this impeachment sham immediately rather than let it prowl about at night.
Yes, and the enhanced “fighter” reputation of House members would be nice to transfer to Senate. But maybe it’s best to drive a stake in the hear of this impeachment sham immediately rather than let it prowl about at night.
The House decided that just the act of asserting executive privilege or making any other objection qualifies as obstruction.
That makes refusing to cooperate with a Democrat witch hunt of any kind a crime by itself.
But it needs to be hidden in the House Democratic basement, with a sign:
"No Rǝpubliɔins Allowǝd!"
BTTT
Brilliant investigative work!
Labeling it as satire was ingenious.
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