"Well scantily dressed harlot, there sure was a lot sportball action last Sunday, when you should have been in church praying for the diseased soul of our country!"
"Hey what gives, where's Impy?"
"Hi there. Impy is hiding in my void."
"By any chance are my legs in there also?"
"Yup, they're walking around without you like a cartoon, it's hilarious."
"Yarrr, so Impy thinks he can shirk from his duties for the 2nd week in row and not come up with a comedy skit, eh?"
"That's right, oh wait he's trying to tell me something, oh my mistake, Impy is definetly not is my void, some swamp gas from a weather ballon was trapped in a thermal pocket and created an optical illusion of Impy. That's plausiable right?"
"That doodoohead cootie queen is lying, he's in there allrite!"
"Mon Ami, you must come out, we cannot have Ser DumDum or whatever his name is controling the proceedings."
"Yeah you better come out, otherwise this evening your little friends will be watching you tube videos on how to whittle, and other wholesome activites instead of treason sportball!!!"
Oh all right, but am still having writer's block so we'll just do some interviews. Bears backup QB Chase Daniel, you're up first.
"Hidy ho!! Thank you for not adding an 's' to the end of my name."
You owe me 10 cents, I had actually thrown out the bag over my head but after your performance I had to go out and get a new one and the city taxes them now! I could have went back in time and used that dime to buy gumball in 1955 or dropped it on the ground to see if anyone would bother to bend down to pick it up, you robbed me of that joy.
"Hey come on now! My parents choses to name me Chase, what were you expecting? My fate was sealed in that moment, I would grow up to be an NFL quaterback but not a great one. The loss is hardly on my shoulders alone, what about the coach deciding to gift wrap 3 points for the Gmen at the end of the half?"
"Actually your given name is William, Chase is your middle name. You pulled a Mitt Romney. I guess, Wikipedia doesn't say why you go by Chase. I only know things are the in first paragraphs of Wikipedia atricles, that's why Janets are outselling me."
"The main reason is actually because I look better naked."
"The hell you do, skank!"
"Ok fine, I chose this life!! Being a backup is great, I get paid state lotto money instead of Powerball money but most weeks no 300 pound guys are trying to kill me! Best of both worlds! What do you think, Colon? I know you aren't exactly capable of "thought" but if you were, what would you think?"
"I think I'd only bend down to pick a quarter not no dime."
Moving on, Coach Omar Epps, your teams has lost 2 in a row, you really boned it last week.
"I know, I know, I forgot we weren't the Patriots with an automatic playoff birth, the Ravens are midding instead of terrible like they were supposed to be, we'll do better."
Former Packer's Coach Mike McCarthy, yur up!
"What do you mean former? According to me he is still the coach! Go ahead ask me who the Packer's head coach is!"
"Whatever, I still have a superbowl ring, I'm over it."
Retiring Ohio State Coach Urban Meyer, we'll finish with you. So what's it gonna be, USC after a year off? A jump to the NFL? Run for President perhaps? Everyone else is.
"No no, I'm actually retiring for reals!"
"BS"
"I don't buy it either."
"Ok yes I'm full of it."
Well, I missed the Thursday night game. No matter.... The rest of the week's picks!
SUNDAY, DEC 9, 2018
Atlanta at Green Bay 1:00 pm FOX Lambeau Field Wow... two teams going in the opposite direction of where they planned back in the beginning of the season. A new coach for the Packers. The Falcons need a new defense. And also a way to get Julio Jones more involved. I like the Packers at home. Packers.
Baltimore at Kansas City 1:00 pm CBS Arrowhead Stadium Ravens have won three in a row with Lamar Jackson. Now they face the Chiefs.... I dont see how the birds can put up enough points to outscore KC. Chiefs.
Carolina at Cleveland 1:00 pm FOX FirstEnergy Stadium The Panthers. The losing streak has reached four and any hope of the postseason is gone. Cleveland on the other hand is moving in the right direction despite last week's flop in Houston. Browns.
Indianapolis at Houston 1:00 pm CBS NRG Stadium Thought the Colts were contenders at least for a wild card till that disaster last week. Shut out?! And the Texans just roll along. They'll make it ten in a row Sunday. Texans.
New England at Miami 1:00 pm CBS Hard Rock Stadium The Patriots always seem to have problems with the Dolphins. But I think they'll overcome that this weekend. Patriots.
New Orleans at Tampa Bay 1:00 pm FOX Raymond James Stadium Maybe New Orleans was due for a bit of a letdown. Maybe the Dallas D is that good. But Tampa Bay? Really?! Saints.
N.Y. Giants at Washington 1:00 pm FOX FedEx Field Mark Sanchez. Josh Johnson. C'mon. Despite the Giants record they generally hang around in games. They'll do more than hang around Sunday. Giants.
N.Y. Jets at Buffalo 1:00 pm CBS New Era Field Is Sam Darnold playing? Doesn't matter. The Todd Bowles era continues to wind towards its conclusion. Bills.
Cincinnati at L.A. Chargers 4:05 pm CBS StubHub Center Cincinnati is in total disarray. As with the Jets, this is probably it for the Marvin Lewis era. Chargers.
Denver at San Francisco 4:05 pm CBS Levi's Stadium Denver is in fine form, and now they get the gift of a game against the Niners. Broncos.
Pittsburgh at Oakland 4:25 pm FOX Oakland Coliseum No matter the Steelers current woes - losses against the Broncos and the Chargers - I dont think they can possibly lose to the lowly Raiders. Steelers.
Detroit at Arizona 4:25 pm FOX State Farm Stadium Geez how to choose winner in this snooze-fest?! Lions.
Philadelphia at Dallas 4:25 pm FOX AT&T Stadium Was the Dallas we saw last week the real Dallas team?! Guess we'll see... Cowboys.
L.A. Rams at Chicago 8:20 pm NBC Soldier Field Had faith in the Bears till they laid an egg against the Giants last week. Now the Rams come to town. The Bears won't stop this juggernaut. Rams.
MONDAY, DEC 10, 2018
Minnesota at Seattle 8:15 pm ESPN CenturyLink Field Two teams fighting for the playoffs. I think the Seahawks will fight harder. Seahawks.
Good luck to everyone! And one more thing....
GO ARMY! BEAT NAVY!
