Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 8,341-8,3608,361-8,3808,381-8,400 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Today's stolen internet picture is: Hadrian's wall in Northumberland.

8,361 posted on 05/18/2016 11:06:02 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8360 | View Replies]

To: moose07; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

8,362 posted on 05/19/2016 2:48:55 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8360 | View Replies]

To: NoCmpromiz

weirder than you can imagine!
You haven’t been to Port Jervis, have you?

i have!


8,363 posted on 05/19/2016 4:13:37 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8358 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

today’s kittehs look like they will be trouble.

terrible twos?


8,364 posted on 05/19/2016 4:14:20 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8362 | View Replies]

To: Gefn

They are brothers from different fathers. The brown one, looking right, is older, and the lighter one, looking left, is from a subsequent litter.


8,365 posted on 05/19/2016 4:15:55 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8364 | View Replies]

To: Gefn

Off to the gym with a few young persons. Missed yesterday because of appointments and stuff.


8,366 posted on 05/19/2016 4:27:10 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8364 | View Replies]

To: moose07

I’ve always wanted to see that, Moosie, and now, thanks to you, I have! :o])


8,367 posted on 05/19/2016 4:30:45 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8361 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face; moose07

My father and uncle went hiking there. We used to have the guidebook, but it was read so many times it fell apart!

See y’all later; I’m loading up my young nerds for the gym.


8,368 posted on 05/19/2016 4:32:21 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8367 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; moose07

73 degrees, 43% N at 5 mph

The wind is supposed to kick up until tomorrow night at 2300, and if there is one thing I don’t like about Vegas, it’s the WIND!!!

Cute kittehs, T-c! I like the little one. *smooch*


8,369 posted on 05/19/2016 4:33:56 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8362 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

weird to think of cats with baby daddies.

last week just in a great deal of pain, my hours are all messed up. cant wait for the hip to be replaced.

i hope the chickadees and Jake and Shannon are well.


8,370 posted on 05/19/2016 4:47:41 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8365 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

hello Face. Good morning.

the littlest one is the cutest.


8,371 posted on 05/19/2016 4:48:47 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8369 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I had a German Michelin Guide, but it has disappeared over the many moves since then.


8,372 posted on 05/19/2016 5:22:57 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8368 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I went for a walk this morning. It was only half a mile, but I didn’t think I dared to push it, in view of what happened last year when I tried to make it a mile or more. I’ll just keep it at half a mile. Unless I go to Walmart, which, by the time I get out of there, is at least a half mile. And I don’t meander. I go in to get things on my list, and then I’m out.

But at least I’ve had a little exercise. I’ll try it again on Saturday.


8,373 posted on 05/19/2016 6:04:13 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8368 | View Replies]

To: moose07
My ex's family was from Wallsend on Tyne.

Yes.

That wall...

8,374 posted on 05/19/2016 6:56:03 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8361 | View Replies]

To: null and void; Monkey Face; Gefn

Back from the gym. A few things hurt ...

Tomorrow Vlad and I will play racquetball.


8,375 posted on 05/19/2016 7:05:07 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8374 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I just did the dishes, and will now make some hibiscus tea. I think I’ll have to buy that every payday, with my supplement order.

That doggone right leg is hurting again. Dangit.

Tomorrow, I may try to do the floors. They really need it.


8,376 posted on 05/19/2016 7:50:21 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8375 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

My floors, too. It’s my left leg that’s hurting a bit. It didn’t hurt when I started weightlifting, but now it does. Not much ... just enough to remind me that I’m aging ...


8,377 posted on 05/19/2016 7:51:49 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8376 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I got some stuff from Avon a while ago as a freebie, and it’s supposed to be for tired achy feet. I use it on my right leg and it works pretty good for about an hour. It smells like mint and menthol but it’s fairly mild.

A lot of products like that have too much of something in it (menthol, I think) and it’s usually overwhelming for hours, not to mention that other people can smell you coming!

I’ve had arthritis in some form since I was 14, so age isn’t a factor in the achy bits that I have to deal with. Still, I’m sorry you have aches and pains. {{{T-c}}}


8,378 posted on 05/19/2016 8:21:41 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8377 | View Replies]

To: Gefn

Some years ago (quite a few years ago actually) Port Jervis wasn’t that bad.

Now most of the stores ‘downtown’ are vacant and the primary item of local trade is heroin. Or meth...

So your impression (or depression) of the place will vary depending on when you ‘visited’.


8,379 posted on 05/19/2016 11:29:25 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8363 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

ArGee, do you still have that link that your friend gave you for OpenOffice? The one about adding page numbers to an existing document? I can’t seem to put the right thing in the search window.

I hate to bother you about it again, but I’m kinda desperate.


8,380 posted on 05/19/2016 12:03:36 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8378 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 8,341-8,3608,361-8,3808,381-8,400 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson