ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Monkey Face]

I’m sure the zombies will get them all, in the end...food for thought, maybe?

[Monkey Face]

Yes, “Neeeeed”! Indeed!

[Monkey Face]

.

*crickets*

[Covenantor]

I like the Mac-Mini version I posted to you long ago. A much more refined execution, not just throwing gears in a show box.

[null and void]

When do you get the keys for your new place?

In about a month and a week and a day and an hour and a minute and a second...

[Tax-chick]

I was napping with Shannon until a conflict between James and Frank triggered wails of JAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!!!! at ever louder volumes.

[Covenantor]

HAPPY FOURTH of JULY TO ALL

and a happy BREXIT to our friends in the United Kingdom!

[GOPJ]

LOL - yes, worrying...

[GOPJ]

Good point... it’s a new hardly noticed thread..

my bad.

[Monkey Face]

That one is excellent, as well! Can I have them both? ;o]

[Monkey Face]

Could you be a little more specific, please?

[Monkey Face]

Shannon actually slept with you? Had Jake no say-so? He’s usually holding you down by the stomach. ;o]

That James is a tough nut to crack, so I’m sure Frank is at loggerheads with him periodically.

[HKMk23]

BUSTED gettin’ into what looks to be the lingerie drawer!!!

LOL!

LOVE — just *LOVE* — kitteh’s guilty fadeaway pose.

“Drop the red thingy and back away!”
“Keep your forepaws where we can see ‘em!”

[null and void]

...very slowly push the drawer closed while looking the other way...

[moose07]

:-)
Yeees Pleeeease!

[moose07]

I think we can merge the two partys now.
WooHoo.
Happy Independence Day Y’all,

*And Cowboy out the door*

[ArGee]

Fading fast. Not sure what the weekend will bring. This may be the last Independence Day for the USA as we know it. Whether under Clinton or Trump, we’re in for one wild re-design of our country.

[moose07]

“It’s Friday???”

Rumour haz it.
300!

[Monkey Face]

And I’m off to bed. See all y’all tomorrow!

[moose07]

Night, ‘Face.