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I’m thinking of creating a service offering to generate some retirement income.

I know there are lots of people in this country who have fallen on hard times through no fault of their own. I’d like to be able to help them, but I just not that wealthy (actually, that kind of wealth isn’t something I can see with a telescope, but that’s another story). But I figure there is something I can do. Consider the following ad in your newspaper or whereever else you read ads:

Have you fallen on hard times? Do you need some financial help to keep your home or put food on the table? Do you find you don’t qualify for SNAP or other government aid programs? We can help. The ArGee Naming Service can help you legally change your name to Yousef Islam, Allahu Allazaweed, or any of a hundred other Arabic names we have in our database.

Once we have changed your name you can claim harassment and get all sorts of government help without any need for further qualification.

For a modest additional fee we can provide you with Syrian documents in your new name so nobody will question your need or try to check into your background.

Rates are reasonable. Contact 212-555-1212.