***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Stevens 320 right in the doorway. I gave it 5 shells, and noticing that it had no legs, even placed it in my wheelchair to help it get around. I then left it alone and went about my business. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house. After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there in the wheelchair, right where I had left it. It hadn’t rolled itself outside. It certainly hadn’t killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn’t even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong, and it’s the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world. Alright, well I’m off to check on my spoons. I hear they’re making people fat.

(This is meant to make a point, not to be a literal representation of events. No gun was actually left unattended, just as no spoons were actually checked on. If you cannot grasp this, then you are more dense than the metal the gun is made from. Thank you.)

[P.O.E.]

Napoleon & Benjamin Franklin vs The Thing From Another World (1951)

[BenLurkin]

[ArGee]

[BenLurkin]

[BenLurkin]

[BenLurkin]

[BenLurkin]

[r-q-tek86]

Thanks, man. And here's a little something to help you through the holiday week-end...

[ArGee]

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

Wherever you find four Irishmen, you’ll find a fifth.

[BenLurkin]

You know how the Chinese name their children?

They drop a fork on the floor.

[absolootezer0]

i used to have two.. the one in that pic was claimed by my daughter.

[envisio]

Alright people I have Irish lineage and I find these Irish jokes -

pretty dagone funny because I was born in America, so f*** it.

[BenLurkin]

Stealing that for email!

[N. Theknow]

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin' ?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

[envisio]

Funny how it fits her too.

[ArGee]

Hey, if you can’t laugh at yourself it’s probably because you can’t find the mirror.

[r-q-tek86]

[fredhead]

“or smells funny.”

Sounds like me after a big bowl of chili. Although my wife can attest to the fact the the smell is definately NOT funny.

[TheOldLady]

I laughed even harder this time!