we caught my 14 yo son having visited a few porn sites, and i didn't make a HUGE to-do about it, i said curiousity was natural and that he should just not make a habit of it, because if i thought he was making a habit of it, he would be whisked to Father O'Brien's ofc so fast his head would spin. Our pastor, prior to his retirement, would rail about the pervasiveness and danger of pornography from the pulpit every chance he got. No way that my son wanted to be brought to talk to him about this subject! i continue to monitor.
I honestly don't know.
You think you know what's going on, but later, when it all blows up, you realize that it was part ignorance and part self delusion.
It's traumatic, because from then on, you don't trust your judgement buying gum, much less picking men.
I often think that the wife/husband in a relationship would always have some inkling or suspicion about someone who is straying. But from what I have seen portrayed by her husband on his sites when he was running for election, and the organizations he started and was a active member. They were all Christian, Conservative, GOP type connections. Even his look in the photos, is very mid-west, clean cut conservative. To me it seems that it may be a "have your cake and eat it too" situation. There's that food connection again!
I think that there are some people who get too big for their britches with money, power, lifestyle, etc. They then think that since they "have it all", what else is there to do but add some additional excitement. It seems the porn thing can start small and escalate quickly, depending on a person's character or state of mind. There are also those narcissistic types, who think that they can fool everyone and keep the charade going.
I totally agree with you on NOT making a big deal about your son's natural curiousity. I have two sons..ages 10 and 8 so my time is coming soon. But in reality...my husband and I are on the same page with the boys...it is not too difficult to discuss their questions in a way that they learn to be respectful gentlemen. Humor is always a great teacher as well...my guys know that they were breast fed as babies..and recently we had a discussion about the how's and why's. When discussed in a way that is both funny and infomative...they get it...and are always comfortable with questions. Even going to art museums where there are beautiful nude paintings, statues, etc. They giggle, and it is just a natural curiousity.
I have just heard of a couple whom our family knows. They have been married for 6 years, no children. The husband from a respectable family and he is a state police officer. They have worked to have a nice home and started to plan for a family. When going for a loan of some type, there was irregular info. on their credit report. Turns out the husband has about $25,000+ in outstanding charges to call-girls, porn sites, etc. If this all comes out...he would probably lose his job and much more. He has already left his wife for a pole dancer...still a secret from his job. The wife is a nice educated, georgeous, athletic young woman, who was really blindsided by this whole incident. So there are some snakes out there who can charm and lie to everyone. This guys parents just found out about a week ago and are really devastated. He is only in his early 30's with everything going for him...just still unbelievable for his wife and everyone who has recently found out. She kept it quiet for about a month to see if there was a way to reconcile. He had already had the bimbo in a nice cozy condo he was renting for her.