Southerners are sick and tired of hearing about how
dumb they are........ So they challenge any so-called
smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the
Georgia Tech Engineering Department:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon
tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when
placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford
Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle or a '64 Pontiac
GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a
capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how
many car radiators are required to condense the
finished product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700
RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be
harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in
size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut
down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented its
charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the
percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch
centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8
feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor
is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses,
how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land
in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has
five children. Can each of his grown children place a
mobile home on the man's land and still have enough
property for their electric appliances to sit out on
the front porch?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900
yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45
MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions
on secondary roads, what is the probability that the
truck will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2
Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift.
A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd
shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be
smoked during that shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate
of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town
which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a
country-western singer?
Guess you're not smart enough to be from the South
1) Theoretically it will take a limb with the dimension no smaller than 3 inches depending on the placement of the possum along the distance of the limb.
2) The answer is impossible to calculate as the given does not provide which temperate zone the cars are placed in that rednecks exist in all parts of the United States and one in the desert will rust slower than one in Texas, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisianna, Georgia, well you get the picture.
3) Contrary to conventional wives-tale, car radiators arent used in the back-40 distillery: they leak and dont nearly hold enough to be usefull.
4) First of all, this is a trick question, in that it should be "how many Tall boys will be consumed by the cutter during this exercise in bad judgment...aka the redneck death cry "Hey Ya'll wach 'is!". The answer to the initial qwexion depends on how much diesel is in the D9 (a single yank on the starter cord would be sufficient in and of itself to cut them all down, since they could easily enough be pushed them over in relative comfort, heaped into a pile and burned without any effort yanking on anything or breakin' out in a sweat needing sweet-iced tea for relief).
5) Given that the average porch of that size acts as a home for between 3-6 hounds I will say 3.275 hounds will die and one will be injured seriously and be lame for the rest of his natural life.
6) NO; two children will marry each other and one of them will be the smarter of any and will move far away and become the city uncle.
7) Well thats just gonna be a hell of a mess and 3 out of the 7 vehicles that were on the road will have damaged windshields and one will have a muffler.
8) Based on the dollars per pack of cigarettes the numbers of unfiltered Camels will be 360.
9) This is another red-herring qwexion: the gene pool does NOT reduce at any rate whatsoever. Regardless of how much the population is decreasing, the available gene pool will remain 100% (that each and every member of the population will be inbred after z amount of time is immaterial). Given rate x of population decrease, then the probability of producing a country AND western singer will be Y.
You Yankee engineers believe yourselves SO smart do ya? Well then, double or nothing (trips to win), answer the following:
Q) If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
A) 0.00000237 %
Q) Next time you're too drunk to drive pick the best answer:
a1) drive anyways, since you always drive better with a 12 or two under your belt
a2) put the cost of the phone call onto your pool tab to call your wife (cousin) to come pick you up
a3) have your designated driver buddy, Earl, who's had 1 or 2 twelves under his belt drive you home
a4) play "craps" with the odds that your wife won't find out and call your mistress (niece, and wife's sister) to come pick you up on account of ugly divorce proceedings.
a5) say to hell with the whole shooting-match, walk to the local pizza "parlour", order a pizza, and drive home with the pizza-delivery guy (thereby avoiding a major marital dispute where you would end up sleep in the fridge, on the porch, next to a pack of lame dogs, cars on blocks and a D9 out of diesel).