"A guy says to his buddy, "Do you talk to your wife after sex?" The first guy says, "Yes, if I can find a phone.""
Rodney Dangerfield once said, "My wife and I are trying to quit smoking. We only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack since 1975. But I'm worried about my wife...she's up to three packs a day!"
>A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?
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>The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."
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>This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?"
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>The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree "
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only"
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