From The Dose, via Mo1:
John Kerry chokes on an oyster cracker and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here" says the devil.
"You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
John Kerry thought that sounded good so he agrees.
The devil opened the first room: in it was Ted Kennedy in a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed, over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" John said. "I don't think so! I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long!"
The devil led John to the second room: in it was Jane Fonda with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All she did was swing that sledgehammer, time after time after time.
"No, I've got a problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented John.
The devil opened the third door. In it, John saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinski, doing what she does best.
John Kerry looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this!" The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"
I just stopped in at Republican HQRS for my county and they don't have any Bush signs. Another order will be in in a couple of days. I then asked for a great big Bush sign that I could hang from my deck - I live on a busy thoroughfare which has lots of 5 o'clock traffic so people are often "camped" outside the house. Anyway, they said that they are taking names for the giant signs and aren't sure they'll get anymore of them but I can buy them for either $110 or $170 at Bush's website. They have been very slow to get signs.
I then asked them if they would be calling people to get out the vote right before the election and they told me that no, they don't do that. People don't like to get phone calls. I told them that we called in 2000 - they said they weren't part of that effort. I remember they were, and that we called from a local business.
Sheesh! Who runs these offices? It took them 5 mos to return my call from March stating I wanted a yard sign. I swear, why don't they get people in there who can get something done?