Posted on 11/13/2025 9:08:32 AM PST by DFG
PALO ALTO, CA — A recent survey conducted by an advanced digital algorithm conclusively determined that the most oppressed person in the history of the world is, without a doubt, Michelle Obama.
The algorithm searched infinite points of data and scanned millions of stories of human suffering and determined definitively that Michelle Obama has been oppressed more than any other living human.
"It's amazing, really," data scientist Mark Tungston said. "Mrs. Obama doesn't seem like the most oppressed person ever, but after analyzing the data, it's clear she is. You'd think it was a coal miner in Appalachia or a child slave in Africa, but nope, it's the woman who had to wear dresses off the rack to attend state dinners when she was First Lady."
In a series of recent interviews, Obama described horrific tales of oppression, like the time she wanted beluga caviar but the Whitehouse chef served her salmon roe instead.
"No one has suffered like I have," Obama said. "I had to endure getting my makeup done every day by professionals, and sometimes they messed up my eyeliner. It was horrible. Nobody understands what I've been through."
At publishing time, the algorithm had also determined that Michelle Obama had written more memoirs than there are grains of sand in the universe.
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Poor, poor man.
The Bee had its stinger sharpened up for this one!
If I had to choose to spend an evening with her or Barry, it would be the latter hands down.
And that’s saying something.
I wouldn’t mind about a million bucks of her ‘oppression’.
I believe she, like Rosie, hates America and cannot pass up a chance to spread that hate. I also cannot understand when America made Barack Obama the first black president he too spread nothing but hate and wanted to “Fundamentally transform America”.
Read her thesis, it explains everything
She even has a “Book Of Whining” cheese not included ,LOL
I feel so sorry for Big Mike.
Not bad...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sand_Reckoner
Isaac Asimov wrote an essay using the proton and the Hubble radius — came up with a different number.
LOL! There are 1080 particles in the universe. I learned that in a computer science course when we discussed if we were designing the program that was to beat the world chess champion. The problem is that there are 10120 possible chess board situations (not filtering out impossible situations based on rules). So it was a lesson in heuristics.
But I didn't pay attention to the rest of the class. I was simply mesmerized by God and His design. He has intimate knowledge of His creation ... all 1080 particles of it.
Some people must have a perpetual grievance.
To apparently always be unhappy really is a sad way to go through life.
It just goes to show, even having a net worth of 70 million doesn’t bring happiness.
Had to check the source ... had me for a moment. :D
She sure had it tough, mansions in Hawaii, Martha’s Vineyard, D.C. and never having to work and honest day in her life with all her creature comforts handled for her - life is tough.
Imagine how she felt when a customer in the grocery store asked her to get a box of cereal off the top row that she couldn’t reach. Imagine the humiliating gall Meshelle had to endure that someone would think she should do such a task. People might have thought she worked there as a stock clerk instead of being the world’s single most important and talented person.
Trust the science!
In which of Big Mike’s mansions was he when he found this out?
Listening to her whine about the cush, entitled life she led, you’d think so. At least, it’s clear SHE believes it.
The Bee nails it again.
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