Posted on 08/15/2004 6:05:19 PM PDT by al baby
Hi All
We need some help . My soon to be wife and i are getting Married and we dont want a bunch a snot nosed kids at our wedding so we put a simple adults only request in the cards that went to familys it was polite
Well one of the inviteies is making a fuss about it and asking my soon to be father in law to interven and let her kids go well he said no She called us and said she could not find a baby sitter the wedding is four months away and shes making waves. what shall we do ?
By what possible definiton of the wrd is this "rude"? These days most people don't discipline their kids at all -- they could and would ruin almost any event. This is a wedding -- it is about the couple getting married. Not someone's bratty horde.
I agree. I have found the type of people who claim "it's my wedding", and demand people conform to difficult wishes generally have weddings that are dreadful to be at for all concerned.
A big part of the problem with kids is that their parents pawn them off onto other people (daycare, etc.) instead of actually taking responsibility for them. This sort of thing only encourages that. Anyway, why would you invite the parents of brats? If I couldn't stand someone's kids, I wouldn't invite the family at all.
BTW, I got married 2 years ago, around 250-300 people there including a good number of kids, no problem whatsoever. Then again, we didn't invite jerks.
I got married on the beach at our house about two months ago. All the children in attendance continued to build sand castles and play if they were too young to want to watch. They had a ball. The guests all got to wear shorts and sandals or whatever they wished to wear.... no stuffy clothes, stuffy reception or stuffy attitudes.
By the way, most of the guests had a great time. It was planned for their enjoyment, not simply my own. :~D
I would never feel entitled to a gift from those who were able to attend the wedding, let alone those who I didn't even attempt to make welcome.
Jeepers the attitudes on this thread.
It's no wonder that many weddings are very expensive and tediously dreadful to be at, and don't even last.
You are making assumptions, here, about posters. Everyone has different ideas about "weddings". My own was quite a fun event, with everyone welcome. Not everyone holds a wedding this way. If the groom and bride do not wish to have children at their wedding -- so be it! I've gotten invites to these -- didn't put my nose out of joint whatsoever. As an invite, I see myself as being invited to witness an event. If the invitation says "black tie" only, and I don't care to wear a "black tie"; I don't go. It's as simple as that. But, I'd still send a gift. That's me. Obviously, it's not you. Best regards, Alia
... and this is why I'm grateful for the early "alert" in wedding invitations. I'd rather not be bored into something which is not in my nature to entertain.
Bed wetting liberals. Hmm. Perhaps breastfeeding a newborn? Attempting to inject their own politics? How disrespectful. Let it worry you not.
I think it's fabulous that you would send a gift. I think it's presumptuous to tell this poster he should expect one.
I am making assumptions, you are right. I have been to these weddings that are so detailed and so formal that couple (usually the bride) won't risk children in one's own family who ~might~ make it less than perfectly scripted. Yes, I am.... I think they'd be much better off in the long run if they scaled back on the formality a little bit so that their own family can attend. I think the perfection of the wedding is of minor importance to family relations, and there might still be time for this couple to put their friends and families, young and flawed that they are, in a place of importance ~at~ the wedding, instead of merely thinking them the trasporters of gifts.
I think post #2 has excellent suggestions.
I think I have a kind of double prongged approach sort of notion.
1) Starting your marriage--it's crucial for you and spouse to decide together on what the priorities are AND THEN STICK TO THEM THROUGH HELL AND HIGH WATER. And there's no earlier time to start than NOW.
2) One can still be gracious and somewhat flexible WHILE STANDING FIRMLY ON THE BOTTOM LINE YOU'VE DECIDED IS IMPORTANT.
If the loved one invited is a particularly close one, I think I'd bend over backwards to arrange a sitter myself and inform the person what the parameters were and that taking advantage of the sitter was their only option if they wanted to come to the wedding. And, I'd let the person know that the ushers at the wedding will have strict orders to prevent anyone with children younger than X years from entering the auditorium.
If the person is not all that close, I think I'd relate to them that you've had enough experience observing horror stories that you decided long ago your wedding was not going to be held hostage by anyone's unruly kids. And, regardless of how well behaved this particular person's kids might be--not everyone's kids were that well behaved and you decided you could not discrimminate and had to ban all kids younger than X years. You were sorry for the inconvenience but the decision was final and the ushers would have strict orders to prevent anyone with children younger than X years from entering the auditorium.
I'd communicate in gracious tones but stick to my guns right down the line.
Allowing insensitive, selfish boors to run roughshod over wedding plans is a very poor way to start a marriage, imho.
God's best to you and yours.
Common knarf!
In this day and age, the odds of having unruly, snotty-nosed; loud; obnoxious kids at a public gathering is almost guaranteed.
Perhaps not at an Amish gathering.
Otherwise, don't make any bets that it'd be serene.
I personally wouldn't risk the church nursery route.
Toooooo many kids are experts at manipulating sitters and would still end up throwing the wedding hall into an uproar.
I'd say the sitter site has to be offsite from the wedding for toddlers--any child above infant ages and only an usher out of the wedding hall could have any cell phone. Use the nursery assigned number on the screen to alert parents if needed.
I've just seen toooooo many 3-6 year old hellions very skillful at creating uproars.
Great suggestion.
I didn't realize you'd been living in Carlsbad Caverns the last 50 years.
Amazing you've not met the growing tide of snotty-nosed 3-6 year old brats running around VERY LOOSE, loud and violent!
They seem to be breeding them in abundance and sometimes in packs these days.
Remember, it was the Old Testament law to stone a rebellious child to death.
There was a very valid reason--the survival of the society.
Four months out and she knows,KNOWS that she can't get a sitter? She doesn't want to.
It's your wedding,YOUR big day;stick by your guns.
Great suggestion. Might depend on the budget available to the couple.
I have no evidence she called them such to the parents. But it might have been a very growthful edifying reality check if she had.
I don't think a lot of people with snotty-nosed brats are all that worth socialilzing with anyway. Usually they are as selfish, out of control and obnoxious as their children.
I'd consider it the relatives' loss if they quit relating to the young couple.
Wise, gracious people with a wealth of helpful, rational, mature relatives and lots of money can manage such things with grace and flexibility.
Such is often not the case.
And, even the best of extended families is likely to have more than one or two obnoxious members.
I've found many weddings with strict criteria for attendance in terms of children to be very beautiful and touching experiences--with an uncommon peacefulness and serenity. It depends on a lot of factors. I don't think your broadside is the most accurate description of reality from my experience born perspective.
It's all in the attitude. I can see from your other posts that your priorities and mine, your advice to this couple and mine, differ. The poster will have some choices in which advice is best.
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