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mmm Mmm MMM!

Talk about fantasy football! Dozens of athletic ladies lined up at the Teamworks Center to try out for the New England Euphoria, the region’s newest team, part of the planned Lingerie Football League.

The month of September is officially Shameless Self-Promotion Month. And we care enough to honor that promise of self-promotion with stunning, unparalleled commitment never before seen in the world. Our competitors may shrink back in shy impotence like the girly boys they really are. But we shall never faulter. We're the best, most profitable, least worrisome, highest quality, perfect credit to our gender, brightest, silliest, nicest smelling, best dressed, most comfortable with small dogs, most talented, elite, A-list, baddest mofos, with the firmest body contours this side of Beverly Hills in all cyberspace. You have our word on it.

It's Friday. Life is meant to be lived.

We're Here to Pump You Up! OK, one more penis pump story and the New York Times style section will be running a trend piece about them. Today's news brings us the story of Mardin Amin, a hapless 29-year-old Iraqi American janitor who was stopped at Chicago's O'Hare airport on August 16 because, prosecutors say, he told officials that the suspicious black rubber device they had plucked from his backpack was a bomb. In fact, it was a penis pump, and his lawyer attributes his less-than-clear enunciation to the fact that he was traveling with his mother and two small...

Beverly Moody poses seductively on a bed, wearing an old-fashioned slip over vintage bra and panties, a vintage telephone in hand. With the cord wrapped provocatively around her legs, the 27-year-old hairdresser smiles teasingly as photographer Lori Mann snaps away at the Pink Kitty Studios in Eagle Rock, a studio that specializes in turning out pinups like those that kept G.I. morale high in World War II. Moody's photos are meant for only one person - her boyfriend, a Navy SEAL stationed in Afghanistan. "This is our wartime," she explains. "Our generation, we're the young ones who have our husbands...

Answering concern about reports of a rare form of sudden blindness afflicting men who had taken erectile dysfunction medications Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, the Food and Drug Administration issued a warning label to adorn all new packaging. The particular form of blindness, non-arteritic anterior ischemic optic neuropathy (NAION), is caused by lack of blood flow to the optic nerve and is most common in the elderly, especially among those suffering from diabetes or high blood pressure. The condition affects an estimated 1,000 to 6,000 Americans a year. After 38 Viagra users reported sudden vision impairment soon after taking the drug,...

Veni, vidi, Viagra -- Italy cracks drugged racing horse racket 2 hours, 41 minutes ago ROME (AFP) - Horses injected with the male impotency drug Viagra were used in illegal races organized near the southern Italian city of Naples, police said after dismantling the network. Italian police seized 80 horses and a supply of drugs used to dope up the animals and closed the race track at Marigliano, which was constructed without permission from local authorities. The properties were valued at about five million euros (6.3 million dollars). Investigators issued dozens of search warrants among owners, drivers, trainers, veterinarians and...

A Czech prisoner locked up on theft charges has been freed and allowed to go back home to his wife after getting a permanent erection. The 37-year-old man was serving a six month sentence in Plzen jail in the southwest of the country - and woke wardens in the early hours of the morning complaining he had an erection that would not go away. He told staff it was extremely painful and after prison doctors called to examine the erect member were unable to help, the man had to be taken to a specialist hospital in Prague where surgeons were...

My future wife turns another year HOTTER today! Give 'er some love!* -Dan (*at least, as much as possible with just a keyboard)

A new documentary on the conservative bombshell Ann Coulter has just been made available for purchase. Is It True What They Say About Ann? was screened at the American Film Renaissance in Dallas to the delight of the festival's attendees.Thunderous applause and laughter broke out during the screening. The documentary was made by Patrick Wright, an instructor at the Maryland Institute of Art. If you have purchased any of Ann's books, this is a MUST BUY. The documentary is an intimate portryal of Ms. Coulter. It covers her rise to fame, and also has some lighter moments. Interviews in the...

Man castrates wife's lover AFPKuala Lumpur, August 10 A Malaysian truck driver who found his wife having sex with a neighbour in a car castrated him with a machete before stabbing him and fleeing, local media reported on Monday.The 34-year-old woman drove off in the car with her mortally-wounded lover beside her -- both of them still naked -- but crashed into a ditch after travelling a few kilometres (miles) near Semberan south of Kuala Lumpur.The mother-of-three was uninjured but the man, N. Govidaraj, 39, was pronounced dead on arrival at hospital, several newspapers reported.Govindaraj, who had three children of his...

Beekeepers insist honey is natural Viagra Bulgarian bee keepers are marketing thistle-infused honey as a natural and cheaper alternative to Viagra. Georgi Georgiev, head of the Bulgarian bee keepers association, said they are optimistic their new line will be a best seller. He said: "It really works, thousands of Bulgarians cannot be wrong, and we have not had a single complaint." The thistle honey launched at the annual Bulgarian Bee Keepers Fair in Sofia, where it was marketed as the solution for Bulgarians hoping to sweeten up their love lives in time for Xmas. The Sofia Municipality Apiarists' Union said...