Free Republic

Speaking at a commencement ceremony at Worcester Technical High School in Worcester, Massachusetts, President Obama urged graduates to “vote Republicans out of office before they chain you to a life of sweat, toil, and unwanted personal responsibility.” “Our country is at a crossroad,” Obama declared. “Will we continue to go forward toward a future of government-funded leisure for all? Or will the reactionaries of the GOP be permitted to drag us backward toward a lifestyle where everyone is dependent upon his or her own efforts?” “Rugged individualism may have served our country well in the past when there was a...

Hillary Clinton (aka Mrs Slick Willy) today explained the extent of them being "dead broke" and how they adapted. Hillary stated that Bill (aka Slick Willy) used to hang out at the Salvation Army Store to pick up the used clothes that Slow Joe Biden brought in for tax deductions. The well used suits were tailored by the talented Hispanic maid into the famed Hillary pant suits. The under shorts were usable by Slick Willy once the skid marks were bleached down and dyed over by the maid. Chelsea was signed up for the "free meals" programs at her private...

Pressed to supply information in response to lawsuits charging that its widespread surveillance of US citizens is illegal, NSA Deputy Director Richard Ledgett contends that his agency cannot comply because “we’ve lost control over our computer system. We couldn’t retrieve the subpoenaed information if we wanted to. It’s like some kind of ‘Skynet’–alien and artificial intelligence has blocked access to all our data.” Ledgett told US District for the Northern District of California Judge Jeffrey White “we’re as scared about this as anyone. We don’t know who’s side the computer is on. We’d like to think that since we programmed...

The following is mostly satire. Hillary Clinton, the Prince Charles of American politics (in more ways than one), has a new book out that she’s busy promoting. It’s called “Hard Choices.” She said, for example, her most difficult choice on the night of the Benghazi consulate attack was whether to have scotch, vodka or gin. In one interview, Hillary said that when she and Bill left the White House they were “flat broke.” She admitted to one interviewer that, "all the silverware we took from the White House were practically worthless". To escape their positively Dickensian condition, Hillary tried her...

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton expressed her “deep-felt disappointment” with the turn her NPR interview with Terry Gross took. “Of all places I would’ve thought I’d be safe on NPR,” Clinton complained. “Is this woman dense? For her to badger me like she did is unhelpful. I mean, NPR is public radio. As a subsidiary of the federal government they ought to do a better job of helping their friends.” The incident that sparked Clinton’s ire was a Gross question concerning when Clinton decided to support gay marriage. “During the time your husband was president it appeared that your...

Surprised that he is facing a run-off against State Senator Chris McDaniel to represent Mississippi in the US Senate, sitting Senator Thad Cochran (R) made an odd bid to corner the bestiality and animal cruelty vote. With a knowing wink to his Pine Bluff audience, Cochran boasted that he'd done "all kinds of indecent things with animals" growing up in rural Mississippi. Cochran campaign spokesman Jordan Russell downplayed Cochran's comments contending that they were "the sorts of antics that many boys and young men engage in as youths. Let's face it, rural Mississippi is just plain boring. Who can blame...

The recent military success of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL)–they have taken several northern cities in Iraq and are said to be advancing on Baghdad—has the White House in a tizzy. In 2011 President Obama declared Iraq had been cleared of Islamic extremists, that they’d been decimated and were on the run. White House spokesman Josh Earnest insisted that “the administration is not accepting responsibility for these events. As the president has pointed out, Iraq was broken when he took office. The responsibility for that lies with his predecessor.” Earnest contended that “steps the President has...

The President announced today that he was ordering his "Never Let A Crisis Go To Waste Team" into action on the crisis on the border. With thousands of children abandoned by their families and dropped across the border, immediate action was necessary. Jay Carney, outgoing administration paid liar, is the spokesman for the crisis team. The HHS Secretary has been ordered to set up and operate auctions to get these children out of refugee camps and into permanent homes. Auctions will be set up in all the major Progressive cities in the US. Because the reproductive rate for LGBT couples...

As if cheers and glorification that Bowe Bergdahl received from the White House, as well as from ESPN, MSNBC, and other media outlets were not enough, the returning POW has just come out of the closet as a gay Muslim, giving his fans yet another reason to celebrate his courage and heroism. Rachel Maddow devoted an entire episode of her show celebrating the "marriage of the world's most tolerant religion with the world's most tolerant lifestyle." "I can't tell you how happy I am to see the glorious day when gays and Muslims stand hand in hand," said Maddow, "This...

Today, when asked about the violence surrounding Pro-Russian counter-rebellion in Ukraine, Russian President Vladimir Putin informed the public that no such violence was occurring. “The Perpetrators of these actions are not separatists,” Putin was quoted as saying. “These are not acts of separatism, but merely spontaneous demonstrations in response to an offensive YouTube video.” The YouTube video in question is a thirty-second clip of a Lenin Statue toppling in Ukraine, made by an almost unknown 33-year-old male with the YouTube account name TheOriginalNoJokeHonestToGoodnessNotLyingOnlyRealNinjaPirate33. The Video had already collected six and three quarters views before the Malaysian government took it off...

Returning POW, Bowe Bergdahl, has been lauded by ESPN and MSNBC, and several other media outlets, for his courageous coming out as a gay Muslim. Rachel Maddow devoted an entire episode of her show celebrating the “marriage” of the world’s most tolerant religion with the world’s most tolerant lifestyle. “I can’t tell you how happy I am,” said Maddow, “to see this day when gays and Muslims stand hand in hand. This is just more proof, not that we needed any, that right wing Christian Nazis are not only out of the mainstream, but fading away in our culture altogether....

VIDEO

As news emerges that newly repatriated Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl may have been a deserter and collaborator with the Taliban, President Barack Obama's national security adviser Susan Rice 's comment that Bergdahl had served with "honor and distinction" has come under fire. Undaunted by these unfavorable revelations, Rice insisted that her initial assessment still stands. "President Obama honored Sgt Bergdahl in his Rose Garden statement," Rice pointed out. "You can't ask for a higher honor than one bestowed by the President of the United States. And as for distinction, Bergdahl is now the most famous soldier to have served in...

Stand up and unite against the busting of chops. Some adult language.

News that the billionaire Koch brothers have donated $25 million to the United Negro College Fund spurred Senator Harry Reid (D-Nev) to demand an investigation. "In the midst of a raft of phony scandals the GOP has been trying to cook up on the IRS, Benghazi, and now the terrorists traded for a POW, we see that the two most dangerous men in America are extending their tentacles into yet another sector of society," Reid complained. "I, for one, find this latest development frightening. What sinister plan are they trying to implement?" Reid contrasted "the very live threat represented by...

Secretary of State John Kerry-Heinz today broke his silence on the Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl case. SOS "Swift Boat" John stated that Sgt. Bergdahl had been on a secret mission with the CIA in Cambodia. Although it appeared that the Taliban had captured Sgt. Bergdahl it was all part of a ruse to cover Sgt. Bergdahl's absence while he was on a secret mission in Cambodia. To provide cover for his return, the CIA had convenience store employees flown in from Detroit to dress up and act as Taliban fighters for his return. Swift Boat John said that they had not...

The Québec National Assembly voted 94-22 to approve the so-called “dying with dignity” act. Under the provisions of this legislation any patient may request and will be granted euthanasia regardless of medical condition. Véronique Hivon, Minister for Social Services and Youth Protection, enthusiastically boasted that “we have done away with the notion that a person must be terminally ill before a merciful death can be prescribed. Now anyone who wants to end his life can simply order up the procedure.” Alex Schadenberg, executive director of the Euthanasia Prevention Coalition characterized the legislation as “a dangerous step down the path to...

Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel (aka Dr. Death) was nominated by the President to be the new permanent head of the Veterans Administration. Dr. Death has an illustrious career in medicine and is best known for his invention of Death Panels for the Obamacare tax law. Triggering the invention of the death panels was Dr. Death's creation of the "bell curve of death" which highlighted the unnecessary medical expense for people at the low end (infants and children) and the high end (seniors). Dr. Death demonstrated that it was infeasible and uneconomical to provide any medical treatment to these people other than...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Obama announced today that a deal had been struck with North Korea to trade the South Korean capital of Seoul to secure the safe return of the USS Pueblo, a U.S. Navy spy ship held captive since 1968. Standing next to the ship’s christener, Mrs. Dorothy Duvall of Palm Beach, Florida, the president told reporters at the Rose Garden ceremony he decided to act when he learned of the ship’s “rapidly deteriorating condition.” “Could we someday regret handing over the capital city of an important ally to its mortal enemy? Absolutely. Might this encourage more mischief...

In 1994 California voters approved a ballot measure that blocks illegal aliens from receiving welfare benefits. Now State Senator Kevin de Leon (D-Los Angeles) has introduced a Senate Bill (396) that would overturn the 1994 vote and make these undocumented residents eligible for publicly-funded aid. "These people are the poorest of the poor," de Leon said. "They came to this country to escape the poverty of their native lands. It is inhumane for us to deny them relief at the end of their arduous treks." The Senator dismissed concerns that the State budget was already too strained to bear the...