As I was struggling with my latest musical composition, "Variations on a Phrase From Joe Walsh's Guitar Solo in 'Hotel California,'" it occurred to me that, just as they don't make guitar players like Joe Walsh any more, they don't make politicians like Bill Clinton any more. Joe Walsh is perhaps as famous to those in the know for his cocaine-fueled antics and for his desperate attempts to curtail his seriously over-the-top ingestion of Bolivian Marching Powder — he once hired a bodyguard whose sole responsibility was to make sure that Joe didn't get his hands on the White Lady...