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From The Daily Mail:The father of the black teenager shot dead by a white cop in Ferguson, Missouri, was a violent abuser who once forced a shotgun into the boy's mother's mouth during a fight, she claims in a new book. Michael Brown Sr left Lezley McSpadden fearing she would die when he pushed the firearm so far down her throat that she choked on it, she writes. In her memoir, she writes that she could hear their two children crying downstairs and thought: 'God, please don't let me kids see this. God, don't let this man kill me.' Their...

Meet Brony Sanders... He wants you to know that Bernie Sanders is literally a horse's ass... And you can get this stuffed animal for the low low price of $150! Really. I'm not kidding. Some commie lover made a Bernie Sandres stuffed animal and is charging $150 for it. Oh the irony... Only liberalism, an ideology predicated on greed being bad and priding themselves on how much they give to others would produce something so ridiculous for an outlandishly high price in honor of a candidate who says the rich (which you would have to be to justify this purchase)...

Following the announcement of Harriet Tubman becoming the new face of the 20 dollar bill the Treasury Department revived a plan to also replace Alexander Hamilton on the 10 dollar bill with another female pioneer in American History. Glamour Woman of the Year award winner Caitlyn Jenner. For the selection committee tasked with finding Hamilton's replacement the decision to go with Jenner was an easy one. "How many women in our country's history win Olympic gold competing against men?" said Dane. "I mean, you've got to be really tough to do that, I heard she even lived like a man for...

A San Francisco bay area resident is accusing the bakery staff at the local Whole Foods of adding an "extremely offensive" three-letter slur that starts with a "G" to a cake custom cake ordered at the store. The cake in question was commissioned to say "Love Wins" at the top, but upon receipt of the cake Gianny Limpschtick claims that someone at the Whole Foods wrote "GOP" below. "I can't even say look at it much less say it," said Limpschtick. "I'm not only upset because the cake has been ruined, but San Francisco is a safe space, and that...

Citing "genitalia discrimination," a transgender woman is suing the government to write regulation requiring the installation of urinals in women's bathrooms. "I want to have the right to use the bathroom for the gender I identify with," said the woman who asked to go by the name Venus. "It's really very simple. I may or may not go through with the operation. If I choose not to I shouldn't have to spent the rest of my life feeling like bathrooms can't be a safe space for me because I have to sit down when I could just whip it out...

Vice President Biden is pictured above reacting to the revelation by Hillary Clinton that the Democratic Party's super-delegates are, unlike them, just regular old human beings. While agreeing that their sole purpose for existing is to heroically protect her from losing the nomination, super-delegates do not, in fact, have super-powers such as: Tax-ray vision, mainstream media invisibility, abortion claws, a magic red tape lasso, debt deflectors, terrorist noise cancelers, tyranny empathizers, and a logic shield made out of laminated race cards. Clinton then went on to clarify that any Democrat has all of those things, but they are actually perks...

Following his cancellation of a concert in North Carolina over a law that prohibits transgender people from using bathrooms other than their biological sex, Bruce Springsteen declared that South Carolina will be next on his "s**t list" if Governor Nikki Haley insists on using the "archaic" way of identifying herself as Indian. "I mean, it's 2016, who still says they're Indian? This isn't 19th century America, we recognize these people are actually Native Americans," said Springsteen, adding "if Governor Haley wants to disrespect herself that's her business, but I will not play another concert in South Carolina as long as...

Responding to petitions and pleas of a minority of millennials who are as tired of being coddled as they are of being offended, the government has completed construction for the nation's first ever safe space. Constructed under the authority of an agency that was newly formed via an executive order by President Obama the Department of Understanding Millennials Better (DUMB) plans to open the 10,000 facility up to its first inhabitants in the coming weeks and already has a waiting list that is ten times that capacity. The facility will be known as "The Safe Space," or "the SS" for...

As the national debate whether people should be allowed to use bathrooms according to their chosen gender identity continues to swell one transgender woman makes a revolutionary, and costly proposal to settle the argument. Charlie Shimpner, former chair of Transgender Humans United for Gender Silliness (THUGS) was excommunicated from the LGBTQ community after a writing a Facebook post suggesting the transgender community should accept the creation of alternative bathrooms for "transgender-Americans." The post went viral in a matter of hours and ignited a petition on Change.org for Facebook to create a "remove from Facebook button.' Said Shimper, "I thought long...

The Thought Purifier 1984 (TP1984) by MicroThought The applied sciences division of MicroThought have unveiled what is being hailed as a huge leap forward for political correctness. The cutting edge technology is a pair of noise canceling ear pieces called "thought purifiers" that are specially customized to be programmed to filter out words and phrases the individual wearer would find to be "triggering" and "offensive." "We are very excited about this offering at MicroThought," said a spokesperson for the company. "We believe this technology will have the same revolutionary effect on health and well-being in the 21st century that...

Hillary Clinton canceled campaign events today after her broom was found broken in two early this morning. While investigators suspect foul play one tip from a man who wishes to remain anonymous suggests that the broom has been trying to end itself for decades ever since his mother-in-law passed it down to Hillary. According to one of the emails unearthed from the FBI investigation into Clinton's private email servers the broom was set to be part of a forthcoming "green initiative." Aides say the plan aimed at severely reducing the carbon footprint of the presidency by making the broom the...

During what campaign staffers describe as a "senior moment" Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont picked up a comb that was sitting on a table at his campaign headquarters and used it on himself. "This has been a crazy campaign, but that was by far the most insane thing I've witnessed so far," said campaign staffer Chip Beaverton. "He looked, I don't know, his hair was nice and even. He looked, um, respectable? As crazy as that is to say, it's nothing compared to what happened next." According to witnesses at the scene Senator Sanders calmly walked out of the...

Took a break from this stuff for a while and during that time I got an idea to try something new. Hope you guys like it. --- While at a campaign stop a bald eagle confuses Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump's hair for a nest and proceeded to make a home on his head. Initially viewed as a threat offers by members of the audience to shoot the bird clean off his head were rejected by Trump, who ultimately welcomed the bird to make his home on what he deemed to be prime real estate. "I've been so focused on the campaign...

This is in reference to the scene in The Dark Knight where (Heath Ledger's) Joker reveals he doesn't care about having money, and that Gotham City "deserves a better class of criminal." See that scene here, or the full version here.

I know she has her fans (I was among them once upon a time), but this is just the truth...