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Listen at American SentinelObama’s own worst enemy. (to the tune of Lit’s My own worst Enemy) Can we forget about the things I did when I was young I didn’t mean to inhale that I can’t remember what was said or US History Please help me, please tell me Why The teleprompters not working And I’m Speaking but not thinking Stopped myself from sinking last night I’m like god God messsiaahhhhhh It’s no surprise to me but ain’t no way I’d pick Hillary But every now and then she creeps into my fantasy’s She’s on top pants are off and...

Flitting with disaster BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Oct. 14, 2001.) A very important issue that we all need to be concerned about is global warming, and we will get to that shortly, but first we need to discuss what happened the other night in my kitchen. It began when I was in the bedroom, flossing my teeth (I keep my teeth in the bedroom). Suddenly my wife burst in and said: ''There's a bat in the kitchen!'' A snappy comeback line would have been: ''No, thanks! I already ate!'' But snappy comebacks are...

Finding your inner lizard (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Aug. 11, 2001.) Today we present an important breakthrough in the ongoing effort by research scientists to figure out what, if anything, men are thinking. But first, we have an important warning concerning a worrisome topic that, unfortunately, is very much on our minds these days: pecan safety. This warning is based on an alarming report from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, written by Heather Ratcliffe and sent in by a number (14 million) of alert readers. The report concerns a Pacific, Mo., couple who -- like so many...

Sliding down memory lane (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published April 13, 2003.) Recently, my little brother Phil (he's only 50) gave me a box that wound up with him some years ago, when our mom died and a bunch of family flotsam drifted down one generation. The box contains slides. For you young digital readers, I should explain that slides are transparencies made from photographs. They used to be very popular. When you wanted to look at big, bright images of your vacation, you'd get out your slides, spend a few seconds thinking about what a pain...

Slavery still stalks the American consciousness, its wounds yet festering in many hearts. If Barack Obama were to set his mind to it, he could heal much of the damage this peculiar institution wrought on our national soul. This great and tragic error that must be given justice. Obama is the best person in the world who can recognize, remember and honor the deaths of 125 million and the enslavement of tens of millions of people. His unique qualifications can be found in his names. Until he was 20 years old, he went by the first name Barry. Then he...

POP* Sitting in his seat, a seat broad and broken
 In, sprinkled with ashes
 Pop switches channels, takes another
 Shot of Seagrams, neat, and asks
 What to do with me, a green young man
 Who fails to consider the Flim and flam of the world, since
 Things have been easy for me; 
 I stare hard at his face, a stare
 That deflects off his brow; 
 I’m sure he’s unaware of his
 Dark, watery eyes, that
 Glance in different directions,
 And his slow, unwelcome twitches,
 Fail to pass.
I listen, nod,
 Listen, open, till I cling to his pale, 
...

It's a little early to play the race card, but the Obama partisans, if not Barack Obama himself, are scared. They don't know what else to do to get their expectations, so carefully nurtured over spring and summer, in line with reality. The mainstream media's ganging up on a pregnant 17-year-old girl didn't work. Neither did the candidate's calling her mother a pig. After Mr. Obama became the inevitable president, dispatching Hillary Clinton, the inevitable nominee, his cult thought it was going to be a downhill coast to a left turn into Pennsylvania Avenue. Alas, the slam dunk - the...

<p>ST. PAUL -- As the Republican convention nears its conclusion and John McCain prepares to make his acceptance speech, we in the news media, having finally grown weary of the endless speculation and gossip about Sarah Palin, are turning our attention, at long last, to additional speculation and gossip about Sarah Palin.</p>

New Website, Funny pics of Barry Obama, submissions needed have a laugh fighting the good fight, also conservative links will be added if suitable.

The Democratic party has gathered in Denver for what will be without question one of the most exciting political conventions in decades. Granted, this is like saying that Moe was without question one of the smartest Stooges. The political conventions have been pointless and boring for years, culminating in 2004, when MSNBC, during its prime-time coverage of the Republican convention, broadcast 38 straight minutes of Chris Matthews snoring and drooling into his lap. (This got by far the highest ratings.) [...] Already there has been sporadic gunfire between the Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton delegates. Political observers see this as...

Barack Obama is on the verge of his first major choice as would-be President of the United States. As early as Friday, he will announce his running mate, with all signs indicating that he'll bypass the class of the field: Hillary Clinton. If so, Obama will chalk up a huge missed opportunity to boost the Democratic Party's chances of victory and to add a major asset to his White House in the event he is elected. Clinton is head and shoulders above the names that have been bruited about as being on Obama's short list: Sens. Joe Biden and Evan...

This is my opinion now but I think Barry will choose Hillary as his VP. It has been reported that during his Hawaiian Vacation he decided on VP pick, that is also the same time the Clinton's were given their spots on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. She already has a VP like schedule. She fills in some of his weak points in Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, and Michigan. She helps with the women's vote and the hispanic vote in many battleground states. It would bring back many disaffected Hillary supporters that were considering McCain, the delegates have said she is...

What a hoot!

And to think this man with the murky, contradictory past is so close to becoming the most poweful leader in the world...Barry Soetoro the devout muslim student..that LIED about his identity on his law school papers...saying he had never gone by any other name...he that LIED on his "fight the Smears" website, saying he had NEVER been a muslim...oh dear. Please go to the link and read the entire thread, posted tonight...quite an education...surely this will come out. Copied from poster at: http://www.hillaryclintonforum.net/discussion/showthread.php?t=23552Today, 09:39 PM samkm (January 24, 2007) "Tracking Down Obama in Indonesia - Part 3" (January 24, 2007)...

Fears are growing for the health of Barry Manilow in light of the singer’s recent drastic weight loss. According to US magazine Globe, the Copacabana crooner has dropped to around seven stone – a dangerously unhealthy weight for his six foot frame. The 65-year-old singer, who has a residency in Las Vegas, is not known to be ill but has shocked fans and friends with his increasingly gaunt appearance. Although he may not have any current health problems Manilow's new skinny frame is a cause for concern. The singer was spotted in LA where he was enjoying a shopping trip...

Guillen stressed the Sox wouldn't be interested in free-agent home run king Barry Bonds if one of their sluggers was injured for an extended period. "No," Guillen said firmly. "Barry can't play for my team. Maybe Barry changed the way [Josh] Hamilton changed. But I don't like a player like Barry Bonds on my club, with all respect to Barry, a Hall of Famer. To me he's the best in the history of baseball, no matter what. "But he's not the type of player we're looking for in this organization. It's all about the team. It's all about teammates." Guillen...

<p>I decided to go scout the Miami Dolphins on Monday, to see how they look this year. This is important, because the Dolphins represent South Florida's manhood, and last season we had the same community testosterone level as the audience for a Barbra Streisand concert. The Dolphins lost 15 games and won only one, which I believe was against Princeton.</p>

<p>When we think of Wisconsin, we think of it as the nation's Heartland -- a placid place where you can park your car anywhere and leave it unlocked, with the key in the ignition, knowing that no matter how long you're gone, when you return your car will be covered with cheese.</p>

Jim Geraghty takes a look at longstanding blog buzz over Barack Obama’s birth certificate, which the campaign refused to release to the St. Petersburg Times in April: We tried to obtain a copy of Obama’s birth certificate, but his campaign would not release it and the state of Hawaii does not make such records public. Has anyone seen it? Why shouldn’t the record be in the public domain for presidential candidates? Geraghty walks through various rumors now circulating in the wake of the Obama campaign’s birth certificate blackout, including this one: Rumor Three: His mother did not want to name...

His name's Barack Obama Music: Theme from Blazing Saddles His name’s Barack Obama He is a rising star His job: To offer prattle To bad guys near and far. He’ll meet Ahmadinejad He’d greet Bejing any day His name’s Barack Obama He’ll give it all away. His name’s Barack Obama He is a rising star He thinks Iraq’s a quagmire, A war gone on too far. He’ll pull out troops and declare defeat He’ll give Bin Laden his way Barack Hussein Obama Iraq’s doom is his play. His name’s Barack Obama He is a rising star The unborn have no...

Dear Barry, I've been watching your campaign with great interest. I am proud to see a black man win the Democratic nomination for the presidence. I regret to inform you, however, that I cannot endorse you. While on earth, I had a dream that a man would be judged not by the color of his skin, but by the content of his character. Barry, you are a great dissappointemnt to me. Look, back in the 1960s, we had the KKK. It was a horrible organization that did horrible things, but at least they made no bones about what their intentions...

June 5 (Bloomberg) -- Barack Obama's campaign is open to paying off some of the more than $20 million in debt accrued by defeated rival Hillary Clinton, a top adviser said...

A comparison can be made between Obama’s popularity among blacks and the popular support – among blacks – of OJ’s Simpson. Despite all the evidence, both of these men are held up to be symbolic heroes and great hopes for their race. What’s going on here? Perhaps – maybe driven by our national racial divide, perhaps the cause for this similarity is the utter abandonment of reason – among blacks –for the hope of the gaining something for the race: one injustice served makes payment against the many judicial injustices served on blacks since the 17th century and the mere...

Block the road all nite BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Oct. 15, 2000.) According to a recent newspaper article that I carefully clipped out and then lost but I remember the gist of, traffic gridlock in the United States is very bad. It's getting to the point where many commuters arrive at work, use the bathroom, then immediately begin commuting home. FACT: The average American commuter whose car radio is tuned to a ''Classic Rock'' station spends more time singing along to the Kiss song ''Rock And Roll All Nite'' than talking with his...

BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Sept. 2, 2002.) It's time for another installation of ''Ask Mister Language Person,'' the penultimate authority on grammatorical issues; the column that puts the ''p-u'' in punctuation; the only language column that was endorsed by both Jane Austen and William Shakespeare just before they died together in a romantic car crash. Today we regret that we must begin our column with this: TERRORIST THREAT WARNING We have received some alarming information from very high sources in the federal government. Q. How high were they? A. They were wearing their...

BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Nov. 5, 2000.) Recently, I had a great idea while waiting on hold for Customer Service. That's pretty much all I do these days: wait for Customer Service. My call is important to them. They have told me this many times in a sincere recorded message. They can't wait to serve me! They will answer my call just as soon as they finish serving the entire population of mainland China. It's my own darned fault that I need to speak to Customer Service. We made a really stupid homeowner...

I think a significant problem that Obama has, which will come to light, is a personal characteristic of his seeking to to avoid difficult choices and take an EASIER way out of a situation. Here are just five examples. (1). As a child and young man, he was called Barry, not Barack. That was EASIER for him and for the people who knew him. (2). In 1988, at the age of 27, he became a Christian to enable a career in politics and to enable a relationship with Michelle Robinson, who later became his wife and the mother of his...

Get me rewrite! BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published June 10, 2001.) On behalf of the newspaper industry (new, cost-cutting motto: ''All the News That''), I am announcing some changes we're making to serve you better. When I say ''serve you better,'' I mean ''increase our profits.'' We newspapers are very big on profits these days. We're a business, just like any other business, except that we employ English majors. To help you better understand our current situation, let's review the history of newspaper finances: The earliest known newspaper, published in 59 B.C. in Rome,...

Dave Barry: How your taxes turn into manure Apr. 13, 2008 BY DAVE BARRY Taxpayers: It's almost April 15, and you know what that means. It means the Miami Dolphins already have been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. But it's also time to file your federal tax return. Yes, this is a pesky chore, but remember that paying taxes is not a ''one-way street.'' When you send your money to the government, the government, in return, provides you with vital services, such as not putting you in prison. The government also uses your money to pay for programs that benefit...

We all know we can't call Obama by his middle name, Hussein, because it's racist. We can't criticize him in any way because it's racist, and now calling him Barry, which is the name he went by years ago, is now also a "thinly veiled racist comment". So, no nickname, no middle name, no criticism..exactly HOW is McCain supposed to say anything during the GE WITHOUT being labeled a racist? The only people injecting race into this contest aren't Republicans, or Democrats, Independents or "bitter" people, but Obamas OWN supporters who choose to see racism in every comment, every look,...

BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Dec. 31, 2000.) Today's topic for homeowners is: how to install a tile floor. Any home decorator will tell you that there is nothing quite like a tile floor for transforming an ordinary room into an ordinary room that has tile on the floor. But if you're like most homeowners, you think that laying tile is a job for the ''pros.'' Boy, are you ever stupid! Because the truth is that anybody can do it! All it takes is a little planning, the right materials and a Fire Rescue...

Newsweek Reconstructs Time When Obama Moved from Using 'Barry' to Formal Barack and Impact it Made on Him 'It was when I Made a Conscious Decision: I Want to Grow Up,' Obama Says NEW YORK, March 23 /PRNewswire/ -- When Sen. Barack Obama moved from using the name Barry to Barack, his formal name, it was part of his almost lifelong quest for identity and belonging -- to figure out who he is, and how he fits into the larger American tapestry. Part black, part white, raised in Hawaii and Indonesia, with family of different religious and spiritual backgrounds --...

Dave Barry: Put Florida primary in prime time -- and text in your vote Mar. 21, 2008 I got to thinking about the Florida primary election mess the other night when I was watching TV with my wife. Actually, she was reading a book, because she hates the way I watch TV. I follow Standard Guy Remote Control Procedure (SGRCP), which requires you go to the next channel the instant that the current channel commits one of the Deadly Channel Sins, such as showing a commercial, or people redecorating a house, or Howie Mandel. Anyway, I was whipping through the...

Nearly three decades ago, Barack Obama stood out on the small campus of Occidental College in Los Angeles for his eloquence, intellect and activism against apartheid in South Africa. But Mr. Obama, then known as Barry, also joined in the party scene. Years later in his 1995 memoir, he mentioned smoking “reefer” in “the dorm room of some brother” and talked about “getting high.” Before Occidental, he indulged in marijuana, alcohol and sometimes cocaine as a high school student in Hawaii, according to the book. He made “some bad decisions” as a teenager involving drugs and drinking, Senator Obama, now...

Dave Barry: A journey into my colon -- and yours OK. You turned 50. You know you're supposed to get a colonoscopy. But you haven't. Here are your reasons: 1. You've been busy. 2. You don't have a history of cancer in your family. 3. You haven't noticed any problems. 4. You don't want a doctor to stick a tube 17,000 feet up your butt. Let's examine these reasons one at a time. No, wait, let's not. Because you and I both know that the only real reason is No. 4. This is natural. The idea of having another human,...

This time, music failed to soothe the savage beast BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published March 11, 2001.) It is a chilling question that we have all asked ourselves: What would we do if, God forbid, we had to get a squirrel out of a piano? This very question confronted an animal-control officer in Fairfax County, Va., recently, according to a news report from the Washington Post sent in by roughly two million alert readers. According to this report, the officer was responding to a report of ''a squirrel running inside a residence.'' When the...

Che Guevara, the chief executioner of Fidel Castro’s brutal revolution, was a bank robber, a cold-blooded murderer, an enthusiastic torturer and generally an evil, sociopathic bastard. He’s quite literally the poster boy for everything wrong with socialism. One of Che’s lauded diaries recalls the execution of a suspected counterrevolutionary: “I ended the problem with a .32 caliber pistol, in the right side of his brain…. His belongings were now mine.” Kooky economic theories, class warfare and forced redistribution of wealth — it’s not just a Cuban phenomenon. The revolution has finally spread to the brand new Barack Obama office right...

The lord of the dance doesn't have anything on me BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Dec. 22, 2002.) I am not a fan of ballet. Now, before you members of the Dance Community get your leotards in a bunch, let me stress that I KNOW I AM WRONG. I know that ballet is a beautiful artistic form that requires great dedication and skill. I'm just saying that I, personally, would rather watch a dog catch a Frisbee. My problem -- and it's MY problem, NOT ballet's problem -- is that, because I am culturally...

Gender gap is a true gift Dave Barry This is the time of year when a lot of women (by which I mean my wife) complain that women do WAY more holiday stuff than men do. Which is true. On any given day during the holidays, my wife wraps more presents than I have wrapped in my entire life. In terms of cubic footage of stuff wrapped (CFSW), she has basically wrapped the planet Saturn. So she is definitely carrying more than her share of the holiday load. HOWEVER, when she was complaining about we were discussing this today, I...

I am working on a book for publication next year (in April 2008, if all goes well) about the late Senator Barry Goldwater of Arizona, who served for thirty years in the United States Senate and was the 1964 Republican Party presidential nominee. His son Barry Goldwater Jr., who is my longtime friend, and I discovered a lot of unpublished first-person material in the Senator's papers at the Arizona Historical Foundation as the archivists were completing the processing of his collection. Because we found this material remarkably revealing about the man and his thinking, we hope others might find it...

BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Feb. 6, 2000) We have some important news for those of you who've been harboring an urge to eat poinsettias. This news comes from an article in the Harrisburg, Pa., Patriot-News, sent in by alert reader Karen Durkin. The article makes this fascinating statement: ''Despite persistent rumors, poinsettias are NOT poisonous. Ohio State University testing has found that a 50-pound child could eat more than 500 poinsettia bracts with no ill effects other than possibly a sick stomach from eating that much foliage.'' The two questions that immediately come...

<p>I just thought I'd start a thread for anyone who wants to discuss it.</p>

I (cough) was a teenage smoker! BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Sept. 17, 1995.) As a ranking national opinion-maker (currently in 1,539th place), I would like to do my part to get teenagers to stop smoking cigarettes. Ready? Here goes: You teenagers stop smoking right now!! There! Did that do the trick? I didn't think so. Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as ``a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.'' I can understand this. I was a young person once, shortly after the...

Average people are tired of it. This country is already stacked toward the wealthy (mortgage interest is tax deductible; rent is not) and the privileged (the last president without an Ivy League degree was elected nearly 30 years ago).

Great American turkeys BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Nov. 17, 1996.) Thanksgiving is a time of traditions, and there is no tradition more meaningful than the annual U.S. Department of Agriculture warning about fatal food-dwelling bacteria. This year, I'm pleased to report, the department has outdone itself: For the first time ever, the department has officially advised Americans not to stuff their turkeys. Many alert readers sent in an Associated Press item in which the manager of the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Meat and Poultry Hot Line -- whose name is (I am not...

The debate dominatrix knows how to rattle Obambi. Mistress Hillary started disciplining her fellow senator last winter. She has continued to flick the whip in debates. She had to do it again in Vegas, this time using her voice, gaze and body language to such punishing effect that Obama looked as if he had been brought to heel. Other guys, like Rudy, wouldn’t even be looking for a chance to greet Hillary, as Obama always does. Other guys, like Rudy, wouldn’t care if she iced them. But she can tell that Obama does care, ...that he responds to the sort...

WASHINGTON - A Pulitzer Prize-winning music critic for The Washington Post has apologized for sending an angry e-mail in which he called District of Columbia Council member Marion Barry a "crack addict." Tim Page wrote to Barry's aide last week after receiving a press release about the former mayor's views on the financially troubled Greater Southeast Community Hospital. "Must we hear about it every time this crack addict attempts to rehabilitate himself with some new — and typically half-witted — political grandstanding?" the e-mail said. "I'd be grateful if you would take me off your mailing list. I cannot think...

'Einstein Gap': It's all relative BY DAVE BARRY Recently, I received a phone call from my son, Rob. It was a phone call that every parent dreads. That's right: My son told me that the universe does not exist. Or at least it does not in any way resemble my concept of it. According to Rob, I understand the universe about as well as a barnacle understands a nuclear aircraft carrier. I blame college. That's where Rob is getting these ideas, which have to do with Einstein's Theory of Relativity and something called ``quantum physics.'' Rob and his roommate, Hal,...

Mr. Language Person: Watch your language BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published 0ctober 25, 1998) At this juncture in the time parameter, we once again proudly present ''Ask Mister Language Person,'' the No. 1 rated language column in the United States according to a recent J.D. Power and Associates survey of consumers with imaginary steel plates in their heads. The philosophy of this column is simple: If you do not use correct grammar, people will lose respect for you, and they will burn down your house. So let's stop beating around a dead horse and...

Lost in space BY DAVE BARRY I think I might know where the missile launcher is. I'm referring here to the $1 million missile launcher that our armed forces apparently misplaced, according to a recent audit of the U.S. government (motto: ''We Do Have a Motto, But We Don't Know Where It Is''). You might have missed the news stories about this audit, which didn't get a whole lot of media attention. Way back in 1994, Congress decided that there should be a complete audit of the entire federal government. This seemed like a good idea, since the U.S. government...