Posted on 10/18/2001 11:03:15 PM PDT by Grim
He sets phaser to "Cajun"
He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
He refers to Klingons as "Critters"
He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
He paints the starship John Deere green
He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies
2.Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle
3.Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag
4.Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-ight" or "Naw"
5.Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos
6.The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse
7.Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling "Freebird!"
8.Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be Achy-Breaky Heart
9.PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt"
10.Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C++"
11.Winders 95 logo would incorporate Confederate Flag
12.Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
13.[deleted - stupid and in bad taste]
14.New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now!"
15.Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"
16.Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
17.Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse
18.Four words: Daisy Dukes Screen Saver
19.Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire
20.Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard
21.Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor pull Simulator
22.Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates
23.Redman plug'n'play interface.
24.They could still use Kay-row as code name for next upgrade, but Albenny would be the one after that.
25.Screen saver would be a kudzu vine which would consume your program manager.
26.Instructions for use would include "mash the control key."
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